Friday 4. I awoke with some degree of comfort, and had my thoughts stayed on the things of God. I found a desire, while I heard the book of martyrs read, of being like them; but could not submit to die for the truth as they did; it seemed too great a trial to flesh and blood: yet I trust was the Lord to call me to it, he would give me strength to bear it.
Saturday 5. I spent the morning in writing letters to my dear friends in Antigua, for whom I find the most tender affection. O! that we may all at length meet around the throne, and stand at the last day among the sheep at his right hand!
“O that each in the day Of his coming, might say, I have fought my way thro’. I have finished the work thou didst give me to do.”
Sunday 6. In the morning my thoughts were very wandering and my mind much discomposed. When I came up, I read and writ my journal, and spent the rest of the morning comfortably. In the afternoon I read the experience of Elizabeth West. May I like the bee suck honey out of every flower, gather profit out of every book I read, every sermon I hear, and every occurrence in life, let it seem ever so trifling. The evening text was Isaiah lviii. 1. _Cry aloud and spare not, &c._ The preacher shewed our transgressions in the most glaring colours, and my own conscience convicted me that I had done all which he had mentioned, and more too: so that were I to be tried by works, I could not be saved.
Monday 7. I found my heart raised in thankfulness for the mercies of the night past. O for a continuance of it! Surely had I always a deep sense of the innumerable obligations I owe to my Almighty benefactor, it would keep me from falling into many of those things, which are so prevalent over me. Lord give me a thankful heart.
Tuesday 8. I awoke in a serious frame, but it did not continue long; for I yielded too much to wandering thoughts, which robbed me of that blessing. Lord make me more watchful for the future! In the evening my uncle preached a funeral sermon, on, _It is appointed unto men once to die, &c._ Hebrews ix. 27. My soul was very much blest, and stirred up to seek the Lord, but O how soon do my good resolutions die away. They are like the morning cloud, and the early dew which passeth away. Lord strengthen, and confirm them.
Wednesday 9. I found my soul in a very dead frame, and continued so all the day. I may truly say,
“My drowsy powers why sleep ye so? Awake my sluggish soul! Nothing has half thy work to do. Yet nothing’s half so dull.”
Thou God of love quicken my drooping powers! Stir up and awaken my insensible soul, and give me to seek thy face with my whole heart! And O be thou found of me!
Thursday 10. I was very cold and dead all the day, and found neither power, nor inclination, to pray or read, which I yielded to; and passed the day without performing either of these duties. O my God, pardon my sins of omission, as well as those of commission. They are both as innumerable as the hairs of my head, but thy mercies are still more.
Friday 11. I was very busy this day with setting my things in order, which were come from London, and being in a hurry, my mind was not as stayed as I could have wished. O my God, gather in my scattered thoughts, and let my mind be fixt entire on thee!
Saturday 12. I was enabled, blessed be the Lord, to be serious and watchful. In the evening, Mr. Rodda preached. His text was Mark xii. 24. _Thou art not far from the kingdom of God._ I was much blest under the sermon, and my mind was stayed on what was delivered.
Sunday 13. In the evening, my uncle preached on _Isaiah xxx. 21._ _This is the way, walk ye in it._ I found my thoughts much composed, but being in great pain, I could not attend, as much as I found myself inclined to do. O how many hindrances have we while below! Sometimes from the world, sometimes from the infirmities of the body; and very often from a corrupt heart! Lord, do thou arm me with thy Spirit’s might, and enable me to combat and overcome, all the enemies of my salvation.
Monday 14. Our class met at ten as usual, but my soul was in a very wandering dead frame, and afterwards I was light and trifling; this is the natural consequence of the other, if not strove against.
Tuesday 15. I was in a very cold indifferent frame all the day. In the evening while my uncle catechised us, such a spirit of laughter came upon us, that we could hardly speak. Lord deliver us from a light, trifling spirit, as also from an unloving, disputing spirit.
“Mutual love the token be, Lord, that we belong to thee.”
In the evening my uncle preached on _Hosea xiv. 1, 2._ My soul was blest especially in singing the last hymn, in which are these sweet words.
“He’ll never quench the smoking flax, But raise it to a flame: The bruised reed he never breaks, Nor scorns the meanest name.”