_Direct._ X. Befriend not your own excessive sorrows, by thinking them to be your duty, nor suspect lawful mirth and joy as if it were a sin, or a thing unbecoming you. For if you take your sin for your duty, and plead for it, and your duty for your sin, and plead against it, you are far from the way of amendment and recovery. And yet it is common with an afflicted, weak, impatient soul, to fall into liking (though not in love) with their inordinate sorrows, and to justify them, and think that it is their duty still to mourn. If these sorrows were of God, we should be more backward to them: and if our comfort were not more pleasing to God, our natures would not be so backward to them as they are.
_Direct._ XI. Love no creature too much, and let it not grow too sweet and pleasant to you: else you are preparing for sorrow from the creature. Love it less, and you shall sorrow less. All your grief for crosses and losses, in goods, estate, in children and friends, in reputation, liberty, health, and life, doth come from your over-loving them. Value them but as they deserve, and you may easily bear the loss of them. He that maketh them his idol or felicity, will grieve for the want of them, or the loss of them, as a man undone that cannot live without them. But he that hath placed his happiness and hopes in God, and valueth the world no further than it tendeth to his ultimate end, will no further grieve for the want of it, than as he misseth it to that end. 1 Tim. vi. 10, "The love of money and coveting after it, doth pierce men through with many sorrows." Mark what you find your heart too much set upon and pleased in, or hoping after, and take it off quickly if you love your peace.
_Direct._ XII. Learn to be pleased and satisfied in the will of God. Trust your heavenly Father who knoweth what you need. It is some rebellion or crossness of our wills to the will of God, which causeth our inordinate griefs and trouble. Because we cannot bring our wills to his will, nor make our reason stoop unto his wisdom, nor think well of his providence, unless he will suit it to our conceits, and interests, and lusts, therefore so far as we are carnal we are ordinarily displeased and grieved at his ways. If we might have had our own wills about our estates, or names, or children, or friends, or health, or life, we should not have been troubled (at the present). But because it is not our way, but God's way, that is taken, nor our will, but God's will, that is done, therefore we are grieved and discontent, as if his way and will were worse than ours, and God had wanted his foolish children to be his counsellors, or they could have chosen better for themselves!
_Direct._ XIII. Afflict yourselves no further than God or man afflict you; but remember, if you think that you have too much already against your wills, how foolish and self-contradicting it is to lay a great deal more wilfully upon yourselves.[362] Is it slanders or reproach that men afflict you with? Let it be so; that toucheth not the heart. Is it poverty, crosses, or losses, that God afflicteth you with? Let it be so; that toucheth not the heart neither. Is it loss of children and friends; or is it pain and sickness? I confess these are sore; but yet they do not touch the heart. If they come thither it is your doing; and (though thither they should come moderately) if they are immoderate, it is your own sinful doing. It is you that grieve, and make the heart ache; God and man did but make the flesh ache. If others hurt your bodies, will you therefore vex your minds? Will you pierce through your hearts, because they touch your name or goods? If so, remember which part of your sorrow is of their making, and which is of your own: and can you for shame go beg of God or man to ease the grief which you yourselves are causing, and wilfully continue it while you pray against it? And why lament you that which you cause and choose? It is a shame to be wilfully your own tormentors.