"_June 30._--Much carelessness, sin, and sorrow. 'Oh wretched man than I am, who shall deliver me from this body of sin and death?' Enter thou, my soul, into the rock, and hide thee in the dust for fear of the Lord and the glory of his majesty." And then he writes a few verses, of which the following are some stanzas:--
I will arise and seek my God, And, bowed down beneath my load, Lay all my sins before Him; Then He will wash my soul from sin, And put a new heart me within, And teach me to adore Him.
O ye that fain would find the joy-- The only one that wants alloy-- Which never is deceiving; Come to the Well of Life with me, And drink, as it is proffered, free, The gospel draught receiving.
I come to Christ, because I know The very worst are called to go; And when in faith I find Him, I'll walk in Him, and lean on Him, Because I cannot move a limb Until He say, "Unbind him."
"_July 3._--This last bitter root of worldliness that has so often betrayed me has this night so grossly, that I cannot but regard it as God's chosen way to make me loathe and forsake it forever. I would vow; but it is much more like a weakly worm to pray. Sit in the dust, O my soul!" I believe he was enabled to keep his resolution. Once only, in the end of this year, was he again led back to gaiety; but it was the last time.
"_July 7_, Saturday.--After finishing my usual studies, tried to fast a little, with much prayer and earnest seeking of God's face, remembering what occurred this night last year." (Alluding to his brother's death.)
"_July 22._--Had this evening a more complete understanding of that self-emptying and abasement with which it is necessary to come to Christ,--a denying of self, trampling it under foot,--a recognizing of the complete righteousness and justice of God, that could do nothing else with us but condemn us utterly, and thrust us down to lowest hell,--a feeling that, even in hell, we _should_ rejoice in his sovereignty, and say that all was rightly done."
"_Aug. 15._--Little done, and as little suffered. Awfully important question, Am I redeeming the time?"
"_Aug. 18._--Heard of the death of James Somerville[2] by fever, induced by cholera. O God, thy ways and thoughts are not as ours! He had preached his first sermon. I saw him last on Friday, 27th July, at the College gate; shook hands, and little thought I was to see him no more on earth."
[2] Son of the minister of Drumelzier,--very promising and very amiable.
"_Sept. 2_, Sabbath evening.--Reading. Too much engrossed, and too little devotional. Preparation for a fall. Warning. We may be too engrossed with the shell even of heavenly things."
"_Sept. 9._--Oh for true, unfeigned humility! I know I have cause to be humble; and yet I do not know one-half of that cause. I know I am proud; and yet I do not know the half of that pride."
"_Sept. 30._--Somewhat straitened by loose Sabbath observance. Best way is to be explicit and manly."
"_Nov. 1._--More abundant longings for the work of the ministry. Oh that Christ would but count me faithful, that a dispensation of the gospel might be committed to me!" And then he adds, "Much peace. _Peaceful, because believing_."
_Dec. 2._--Hitherto he used to spend much of the Sabbath evening in extending his notes of Mr. Bruce's sermons, but now, "Determined to be brief with these, for the sake of a more practical, meditative, resting, sabbatical evening."
"_Dec. 11._--Mind quite unfitted for devotion. Prayerless prayer."
"_Dec. 31._--God has in this past year introduced me to the preparation of the ministry,--I bless Him for that. He has helped me to give up much of my shame to name his name, and be on his side, especially before particular friends,--I bless Him for that. He has taken conclusively away friends that might have been a snare,--must have been a stumbling-block,--I bless Him for that. He has introduced me to one Christian friend, and sealed more and more my amity with another,--I bless Him for that."
_Jan. 27_, 1833.--On this day it had been the custom of his brother David to write a "Carmen Natale" on their father's birth-day. Robert took up the domestic song this year; and in doing so, makes some beautiful and tender allusions.