Secondly, This self-love is twofold — to our persons and to our interests. I told you before that self is a capacious word, and doth not only involve us, but that which is ours. (1.) To our persons : we manifest that by doting upon ourselves, and by the admiration of ourselves, and so it is
260 A TREATISE OF SELF-DENIAL. [BoOK I.
contrary to true humility and lowliness of mind. And then (2.) To our interests and enjoyments: we manifest self-love, by an inor- dinate zeal and care of our interests, preferring them before the conscience of our duty to God and our neighbour, being loath to part with anything that is ours for God's sake. This I principally intend to treat of, as being contrary to God's privilege of being the chiefest good ; for this is a preferring something before him, when we can neglect his glory, or our obedience to his commands out of a zeal to our own interests.
First, The first kind of self-love is shown by doting upon or admiring our own persons. Self-conceit must be renounced, as well as self-interest. When a man thinks of himself beyond what is meet, and admires his own gifts and excellences, this is to be in love with his own shadow, to become our own parasites and flatterers.
Here I shall show you —
1. To what kind of persons this evil is incident.
2. How it discovers itself.
3. How odious it is.
4. Some remedies.
[1.] To whom it is incident ? To all men by nature. By long conversation and acquaintance, a man becomes enamoured of himself, and hath high thoughts and opinions of liis own excellency ; as Goliath admired his own stature, and Nebuchadnezzar his own Babel, ' That he had built for the honour of his majest)'.' There is a natural disposi- tion this way, and there are none of the sons of Adam to be excluded. But usually and mostly it is incident —
(1.) To those that are most ignorant of the state of their own hearts : Eev. iii. 17, 18, 'Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing ; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked, I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire, that thou mayest be rich.' The church of Laodicea doted upon itself; she thought herself rich, and wanted nothing, when they wanted all things, though blind and unclean, yet miserably conceited. In a transparent glass the least motes are seen ; but in a tliick bottle we cannot discern the grossest dregs and sediment. Certainly those that have most light, they have lowest thoughts of themselves. He that knows himself best loves himself least of all. Love is always blind, especially self-love ; it is but a fond fancy of that which is not : Rom. vii. 9, ' For I was alive without the law once ; but when the commandment came, sin revived, and I died.' When Paul had but little knowledge, he had great conceit of himself. A short exposition of the law would beget a large opinion of our own righteousness. Usually what is wanting in the light of reason is made up in the pride of reason.
(2.) It is incident to men that by their own industry have raised themselves to any excellency, either in estate, or learning, or other endow^ments ; there are none so apt to be puffed up and conceited of themselves as they are, for they look upon themselves as makers of their own fortune ; they are not only drunk with their felicity and attainments, but admire their own prudence and diligence, by which they have compassed worldly greatness and excellency. It is a question who are
Book I] a treatise of self-denial. 261
most apt to dote on their own excellency, those thcat have been jierpetually happy, or those lifted up out of miseiy and a low estate. In a perpetual hereditary happiness there is little of our own acquest and purchase to be seen ; but tliose that have raised themselves out of a low condition are apt to be puffed up upon a double ground, their happiness and their diligence ; they are happy, and Ihey have made themselves so, as they think, and so dote upon their own prudence and diligence, as well as their felicity and acquests.
(3.) It is incident to men of great gifts, especially after some public performance and exercise of them. It is hard to discover gifts with applause, and not to be proud. Our minds are secretly enchanted with self-love, and the music of our own praise. Therefore the apostle forbiddeth novices, those that were newly begotten to Christ, young men, to be put into the ministry, but very mortified persons : 1 Tim. iii. 6, ' Lest being lifted up with pride, they fall into the condemnation of the devil.' Men of great gifts and unmortified spirits are very apt to fall into pride, and so into condemnation ; in a strong wind it is hard to sail steady. It is a question not easily decided, which duties are most difficult, public or private. In private duties there seems to be some difficulty, because there we have no other witness but God, and so we are tempted to slightness, for every one cannot see God ; and in public duties there we are tempted to pride and self-conceit in the exercise of our parts.