2. It is a good evidence of some prevaihng when, xipon religious grounds, we can cross ourselves in those tilings unto ivhich our liearts stand most affected. This sheweth we reserve God his own place in om- hearts.
3. When, being privy to our own inclination and temper, we have gotten such a supply of Spirit as that the grace idiich is contra)-y to our temper appears in us. As oft we see none more patient than those that are natm-ally inclined to intemperancy of passion, because natm-al proneness makes them jealous over themselves. Some, out of fear of being over- much moved, are not moved so much as they should be. This jealousy stirreth us up to a careful use of aU helps. Where grace is helped by nature, there a httle gi-ace will go far ; but where there is much untoward- ness of nature, there much grace is not so well discerned. Sour wines need much sweetening. And that is most sphitual which hath least help jfrom nature, and is won by prayer and pains.
4. When we are not partial ivhen the things concern ourselves. David could allow himself another man's wife, and yet judgeth another man
170 THE soul's conflict.
worthy of death for taking away a poor man's lamb, 2 Sam. xii. 4. Men usually favour themselves too much when they are chancellors in their own cause, and measure all things by their private interest. He hath taken a good degree in Christ's school that hath learned to forget himself here.
6. It is a good sign when, upon discovery of self-seeking, we can (jain upon our corruption; and are willing to search and to be searched, what our inclination is, and where it faileth. That which we favour we are tender of, it must not be touched. A good heart, when any corruption is discovered by a searching ministry, is affected as if it had found out a deadly enemy. Touchiness and passion argues guilt.
6. This is a sign of a man's victory over himself, when he loves health and peace of body and mind, with a supply of all needful things, chiefly for this end, that he may with more freedom of spirit serve God in doing good to others. So soon as grace entereth into the heart, it frameth the heart to be in some measure public ; and thinks it hath not its end in the bare enjoying of anything, until it can improve what it hath for a further end. Thus to seek ourselves is to deny ourselves, and thus to deny ourselves is truly to seek ourselves. It is no self-seeking when we care for no more than that, without which we cannot comfortably serve God. When the soul can say unto God, Lord, as thou wouldst have me serve thee in my place, so grant me such a measure of health and strength, wherein I may serve thee.
Object. But what if God thinks it good that I shall serve him in weakness, and in want and suffering ?
Ans. Then it is a comfortable sign of gaining over our own wills, when we can yield ourselves to be disposed of by God, as knowing best what is good for us. There is no condition but therein we may exercise some grace, and honour God in some measure. Yet because some enlargement of condition is ordinarily that estate wherein we are best able to do good in, we may in the use of means desire it, and upon that resign up our- selves wholly unto God, and make his will our will, without exception or reservation, and care for nothing more than we can have with his leave and love. This Job had exercised his heart unto; whereupon in that great change of condition he sinned not, Job ii. 10 ; that is, fell not into the sins incident to that dejected and miserable state ; into sins of rebellion and dis- content. He carried his crosses comely, with that staidness and resigned- ness which became a holy man.
7. It is further a clear evidence of a spirit subdued, when we will discover the truth of our affection towards God and his people, though with censure of others. David was content to endure the censure of neglecting the state and majesty of a king, out of joy for settling the ark, 2 Sam. vi. 22. Nehemiah could not dissemble his grief for the ruins of the chiwch, though in the king's presence, Neh. ii. 3. It is a comfortable sign of the wasting of self-love, when we can be at a point what becomes of ourselves, so it go well with the cause of God and the church.
Now the way to prevail still more over ourselves, as when we are to do or suffer anything, or withstand any person in a good cause, &c., is, not to think that we are to deal with men, yea, or with devils, so much as with ourselves. The saints resisted their enemies to death, by resisting their own coiTuptions first. If we once get the victory over ourselves, aU other things are conquered to our ease. All the hurt Satan and the world do us, is by correspondency with ourselves. All things are so far under us, as wc are above ourselves. Te vince, et mundus tihi victus est, &c.