THE soul's conflict. 171
For the further subduing of ourselves, it is good to follow sin to the first hold and castle, which is corrupt nature ; the streams will lead us to the spring head. Indeed, the most apparent discovery of sin is in the outward carriage ; we see it in the fruit before in the root, as we see grace in the expression before in the affection. But yet we shall never hate sin thoroughly until we consider it in the poisoned root from whence it ariseth.
That which least troubles a natural man doth most of all trouble a true Christian. A natural man is sometimes troubled with the fniit of his cor- ruption, and the consequents of guilt and punishment that attend it ; but a true-hearted Christian with corruption itself. This drives him to complain, with St Paul, * 0 wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me,' not from the members only, but ' from this body of death ?' Rom. vii. 24, which is as noisome to my soul as a dead carrion is to my senses, which, together with the members, is marvellously nimble and active, and hath no days, or hours, or minutes of rest ; always laying about it to enlarge itself, and like spring water, which, the more it issueth out, the more it may.
It is a good way, upon any particular breach of our inward peace, pre- sently to have recourse to that which breeds and foments all our disquiet. Lord ! what do I complain of this my unruly passion ? 1 carry a nature about me subject to break out continually upon any occasion. Lord! strike at the root, and dry up the fountain in me. Thus David doth arise from the guilt of those two foul sins of murder and adultery, Ps. li. 5, to the sin of his nature, the root itself; as if he should say, Lord, it is not these actual sins that defile me only, but if I look back to my first concep- tion, I was tainted in the spring of my nature.
This is that which put David's soul so much out of frame ; for from whence was this contradiction ? and whence was this contradiction so un- wearied in making head again and again against the checks of the Spirit in him ? Whence was it that corruption would not be said nay ? Whence were these sudden and unlooked for objections of the flesh ? but from the remainder of old Adam in him, which, Uke a Michal within us, is either scoffing at the ways of God, or, as a Job's wife, fretting and thwarting the motions of God's Spirit in us ; which prevails the more because it is home- bred in us, whereas holy motions are strangers to most of our souls. Cor- ruption is loath that a new comer-in should take so much upon him as to control, as the Sodomites thought much that Lot, being a stranger, should intermeddle amongst them. Gen. xix. 9. If God once leave us, as he did Hezekiah, to try what is in us, what should we find but darkness, rebellion, unruliness, doubtings, &c., in the best of us. This flesh of ours hath prin- ciples against all God's principles, and laws against all God's laws, and reasons against all God's reasons. Oh, if we could but one whole hour seriously think of the impure issue of our hearts, it would bring us dovsTi upon our knees in humiliation before God ! But we can never whilst we live, so thoroughly as we should, see into the depth of our deceitful hearts, nor yet be humbled enough for what we see ; for though we speak of it and confess it, yet we are not so sharpened against this corrupt flesh of ours as we should. How should it humble us that the seeds of the \'ilest sin, even of the sin against the Holy Ghost, is in us ? And no thank to us that they break not out. It should humble us to hear of any great enormous sin in another man, considering what our o^ti natui-e would proceed unto if it were not restrained (c). We may see our own natm-e in them as face answering face, Prov. xxvii. 19. If God should take his Spirit from us, there is enough in us to defile a whole world ; and although we be ingrafted
172 THE soul's conflict.
into Christ, yet we carry about us a relish of the old stock still. David was a man of a good natural constitution, and, for grace, a man after God's own heart, and had got the better of himself in a great measure, and had learned to overcome himself in matter of revenge, as in Saul's case, 1 Sam. xxiv. 6 ; yet now we see the vessel is shaken a little, and the dregs appear that were in the bottom before. Alas ! we Imow not our own hearts till we plough with God's heifer, till his Spirit bringeth a light into our souls. It is good to consider how this impure spring breaks out diversely in the diverse conditions we ai'e in. There is no estate of life, nor no action we undertake, wherein it will not put forth itself to defile us ; it is so full of poison that it taints whatsoever we do, both our natures, conditions, and actions. In a prosperous condition, like David, we think we shall never be moved, Ps. xxx. 6. Under the cross the soul is troubled, and drawn to murmur, and to be sullen, and sink down in discouragement, to be in a heat almost to blasphemy, to be weary of our callings, and to quarrel with everything in our way. See the folly and fury of most men in this, for us silly worms to contradict the great God. And to whose peril is it ? Is it not our o-ffn ? Let us gather ourselves with all our wit and strength to- gether ; alas ! what can we do but provoke him, and get more stripes ? We may be sure he will deal with us as we deal with our children. If they be froward and unquiet for lesser matters, we will make them cry and be sullen for something. Refractory, stubborn horses are the more spurred, and yet shake not off the rider.