11. Having sold our arms to buy us provisions, after many difficulties and dangers, in passing by both the _French_ and _Imperial_ troops, we at length came to _Mastricht_. Thence we went to _Middleburgh_, and afterward to _Flushing_, where we got on board an _English_ man of war, which the next morning sailed, and brought us into the _Downs_. The third day after we landed, we were apprehended as deserters, and laid in irons for six days. We were then removed to _Brumpton_ camp, near _Chatham_, where I was tried by a court martial, for deserting from the castle of St. _Philips_, which I acknowledg’d and was condemned to die.
12. I now began to be in great trouble, not knowing what to do. At length my companion and I determined to lay violent hands on ourselves. In this resolution I continued till night. Then I began to think of the consequences of self-murder. Betimes in the morning I went to prayer, and continued praying ’till about ten o’clock. In my distress I bethought me of one _James Harbuckle_, a drummer in our regiment. When he came I told him of my condition, and he began to talk to me of the love of Christ to sinners: of repentance toward God, and faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. In the evening he was obliged to go; but he promised to send some of his brethren to me. Two of them came at night and explained more at large what _James Harbuckle_ had said. From this time I found another kind of trouble: my sins were so set in array against me, that not an evil work or word, or thought, I had ever given way to, but was brought to my remembrance. Yet I was not so much troubled for fear of hell, as for grief that I had offended so good a God, and had crucified the Son of God afresh. For three days and three nights my distress was so great, that it was as if all my flesh was tearing off my bones, and my bones breaking in pieces, which made me often look at my hands and legs, to see if it was not so.
13. My load so increased, that I was just ready to despair of mercy, when on a sudden it all dropt off. I was on my knees at prayer, when in a moment all my fear was gone. I knew I had redemption in the blood of Christ, the forgiveness of my sins: and the love of God was shed abroad in my heart, enabling me to love all mankind, even my enemies: and him in particular who had been the cause of my deserting. And I had an earnest desire to see and tell him so. And I found every day an increase in love, and in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. I was so delivered from the fear of death, that I could have rejoiced to have died that instant; being filled with prayer, and praise, and thanksgiving, such as no tongue can express. And this sense of the love of God to my soul, I never since lost, not for a moment.
14. I was removed from hence to _Dover-Castle_, where I sent for Mr. _Edwards_, the minister of St. _Mary’s_. He came the next morning, and afterwards attended me very diligently. I desire to thank God for his help, and hope the Lord will bless him for his kindness to me. But I could not be satisfied, till I had sent into the town to enquire, if there were any of the people call’d _Methodists_ there? They sent word, they would come when their day’s work was done: but it being then late, they could not be admitted. On _Sunday_ they came again, and we prayed, and sang, and rejoiced together in the salvation of God, I desired they would come again if I was spared, which they did the following _Sunday_, when my spirit was so revived, that I could not help declaring to my fellow-soldiers what God had done for my soul. And now my prison was turned into a church, an house of prayer and praise. People crowded in, soldiers and others, to whom Mr. W――――r gave an exhortation. When he had done, I stood up, and begged my fellow-soldiers, to cry to God for mercy, and grace to forsake all their sins, lest the day of grace should be past, and they be given over to a reprobate mind.
15. I spent the remaining part of the day in giving a relation of my life, to one who wrote it down from my mouth; but I could not finish it then. _Monday, October 23_, Mr. _Edwards_ administered the Lord’s Supper to me. In the afternoon Mr. W――――r gave another exhortation as I did likewise when he had done, and we sang praises to God with a good courage, and poured out our souls in prayer. The soldier who had threatened to inform against me at St. _Philip’s_ now came in. Formerly I was resolved to kill him, wherever I met him: but I now felt nothing but love and pity. So I earnestly exhorted him to forsake his sins, and seek mercy while it might be found.