_Some further account of his progress in the way of life, with other reasons of his conduct in regard of the church of Rome._
THE affair of renouncing communion with the Romish church, and declaring himself a member of the church of _England_, being now over, he set himself to read with much diligence the holy scriptures, together with the writings of some of the most eminent Protestant divines. And hereby he received further light every day, being more and more persuaded that his conduct was right.
By this means he began likewise to see into the nature of the gospel, and the one, only way which it points to life and blessedness, grace and glory. ‘Now (says he) I begin to discern clearly that it is _the blood of_ Christ alone which _cleanseth from sin_, and that _by one offering_ of himself once for all, _he hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified_.’¹――Perfectly accomplished, without any need of other helps, or repetitions of the same, all that was necessary in order to the justification and glorification of all believers.
¹ Hebrews x. 14.
“I likewise became now more clearly sensible of the errors which I formerly held. As 1st, Thinking that my own works could merit something from God. 2dly, vainly imagining that there is a place for the purgation of sin after death. When at any time therefore I was asked now, why I had left the church of _Rome_? I could answer upon good and solid grounds: because I am well assured that the doctrines of merit (to speak of no more) and works of supererogation, are contrary both to reason and scripture.”――――To reason, it being absurd to suppose that a creature, receiving life, and breath, and all things from its Creator, should be able to love, adore, and obey him, more than is required of him as his indispensable duty.――――To scripture; being flatly contrary to the words of Christ, _When ye shall have done all these things which are commanded you, say_, that is, take knowledge, _we are unprofitable servants_.¹
¹ Luke xvii. 10.
“Beside, If _the blood of_ Christ, the merit of all he hath done and suffered, _cleanseth from all sin_,¹ what imaginable need can there be of the fire of purgatory? Surely when _all_ sin is cleansed, or taken away, there can be _none_ remaining.” Alas for those who trust for safety to such a staff of a broken reed! Deferring the _present_ opportunities and means of deliverance from sin and death, under the pretence of some future purgation from sin in the invisible world.
¹ 1 John i. 7.
“If all the light of this world was to be _immediately_ at once extinguished, _all human_ souls that were not in some real degree of regeneration, would immediately find themselves but the rage of fire, and horror of darkness.” O then thou poor sinner, whoever thou art, repent, repent, and turn to God, whilst thou hast flesh upon thee; for as long as that lasts the kingdom of God is _nigh at hand_: but if thou diest without true conversion, better thou hadst never been born! For then “black lakes, bottomless pits, ages of a gnawing worm, and a fire that never ceases to burn, will stand between thee and the kingdom of heaven for ever.”
His now encreasing knowledge in the things of God; his ability from the holy scriptures to distinguish between truth and error, became daily and justly matter of his thanksgiving to God. But yet his unregenerate nature was not, could not be truly at rest. The word of God was now indeed his study and delight. But it served likewise, by shewing him how his heart and life must be, more deeply to distress him. _The commandment_ in its spiritual and extensive meaning, still dissecting his inward parts, slew him (_Romans vii. 8‒11._) so that he was clearly and distressingly sensible of his death _in trespasses and sins_. His convictions and anguish of spirit became therefore more afflictive than ever.
The small cessation from pain which his relinquishing _popery_ afforded, served now, only to augment his sorrow, to find that after all, the _great affair_ was yet to do. And such was his present anxiety, that he even forgot, or neglected to eat his bread. “My conscience (says he) still condemned me, there was no rest in my bones by reason of sin.” And yet meaning to make sure work, he desired to know the uttermost of his evil and danger. To this end he read those passages, both divine and human, which seemed most to condemn him: “For I was willing (adds he) to know the worst of my condition: not indeed that this was always the case. Sometimes the devil, and the corruption of my nature so far prevailed as to hush my conscience, and drown my convictions, by a variety of thoughts, and things.”