_Of his forsaking the church of_ Rome.
A VARIETY of incidents contributed to this part of his conduct. He was first deeply concerned about the weighty affair of his own salvation; and then began to think seriously of the influence which his religious connexions might have thereon, which prepared him for attending to whatever he at any time either read, or had spoken to him on this head.
That which outwardly contributed most thereto was the instance of his brother, of whom he had learned _Latin_. “A man (to use his own words) of tolerable learning, and designed for a Popish priest. But seeing many errors among them, he renounced popery.”
About the eighteenth year of his age, while he was a strict observer of the Romish church, this brother (whose relinquishing it was some years before) began frequently to discourse with him concerning the principles of the _Romanists_. But “I strenuously (says he) though ignorantly withstood him; alledging in my defence the traditions and canons of the church, while he, on the contrary, appealed _to the law, and to the testimony_. He often said to me, My brother why do you not read God’s word? Lay aside prejudice, and let us reason together.”
“To the same purpose spake another person in the neighbourhood, one Mr. _Philip Geyer_, a Protestant, and well versed in controversy. Mr. _Walsh_, you are a sober young man (so indeed I was generally thought to be, though God knows I was drunk with enmity against him) and what pity it is that you do not read the holy scriptures? Why will you suffer yourself to be deceived by the _Pope_ and his fraternity.”
Reasonings of this kind, which were occasionally made use of with him from time to time, together with hearing the scriptures frequently read in his brother’s school, put him at length upon a diligent consideration of both sides of the question. But as it generally happens in like cases, an attachment to old sentiments, the prejudices of education, shame, or fear of man, with a variety of other considerations, kept him for some time in strong suspense. His breast was moved with contrary, and therefore conflicting passions. He revolved in his mind, and rejected many a thought on the head, and again resumed and embraced them. Thus halting _between two opinions_, he complains of the “Corruption of his heart and prejudice of his education, which were as smoke upon his soul, so dimming his understanding that he could see nothing clearly.”
“I had (continues he) a custom of repeating frequently as I walked by the way, some prayers, or articles of faith which I had learned in my childhood. And walking one day in _September, 1748_, in a pleasant field, I was ruminating deeply on what my opponents urged against the doctrine of the church of _Rome_. I said in my heart――Perhaps all is not right. Peradventure I have been imposed upon. But then how shall I know? How can I be certainly assured whether the priest has led me in the right way?――Immediately it ♦occurred to my mind, that on God alone, I could safely venture my salvation, and that without doubt, he would lead me by his counsel, if I asked wisdom of him.”
♦ “occurrd” replaced with “occurred”
“Then I cried unto the Lord God, and said――All things are known to thee, and thou seest that I want to worship thee aright. Shew me the way wherein I ought to go, nor suffer me to be deceived by men.”
The Lord who apprehended, and instructed _Saul_, when he enquired of him in astonishment, _What wilt thou have me to do?_¹ Attended to, and answered his prayer; which he did not cease then, to pour out before him. _The Father of lights_, and the giver of wisdom to all that ask it, did, according to the adorable methods of his working, instruct and determine his choice in this particular.
¹ Acts ix.
To this time and occasion may be referred what he has more than once told me, determined him with respect to the Popish doctrine of merit, and had much influence on his entirely renouncing the communion of that church: namely, the deep impression on his mind of those words of St. _Paul_, _If righteousness come by the law, then |Christ| is dead in vain_. This passage he assured me he had not remembered ever to have read, or heard; and that afterwards, when he met with it (Galatians ii. 21.) it was to him like life from the dead. Truly, O God, _Thy word is a light_, and by taking heed thereto, this _young man’s way was cleansed_.
Soon after this, he resolved to stand no longer in desponding hesitation, halting between two opinions. “Therefore, (says he) going to my brother and the other persons who used to converse with me on this head, and providentially meeting the two principal ones together, I determined now, once for all, either to convince, or be convinced by them; for I had an unfeigned desire to save my soul.”