_Of his finding rest to his soul._
ALTHOUGH the night had hitherto hung upon his soul, yet he frequently saw the promise of deliverance at a distance. But now _the day-spring from on high_ began to dawn upon him. The manner of which he describes as follows,
“Having given an account of my convictions, I think it may not be improper to relate likewise, how the promise was fulfilled in me. And this also is the work of the Holy Ghost, convincing _of righteousness as he_ doth of _sin_.
“1st. He kindled in my soul earnest desires towards God. There was a tenderness in my heart. It began to warm and dissolve after it was broken by the law, and scorched by the wrath of God; and to be a little comforted and encouraged.
*“2dly. Light began to spring up in my mind. I saw at length, not my guilt only, but likewise the all sufficiency of Christ, and his atonement. I was convinced that he came _to seek and to save_ lost sinners: that _he tasted death for every man_; that he _willeth all men to be saved, and come to the knowledge of the truth_, in order thereto. O what a glorious view had I of the mercy of God in giving his Son, and of the unspeakable love and pity of Christ in dying for sinners. I was constrained to cry out, Lord, _what manner of love is this_, wherewith thou has loved us! What is man that thou shouldest be so mindful of him! But I could not yet say that _I_ had _redemption in the blood of_ Christ, _the forgiveness of_ my _sins_. I did not experience the merit of his death applied to _my_ soul.
“3dly. But I had strong hope that God would be merciful to my unrighteousness, and blot out my sins for his name sake. I could see the promise and pardon held forth to me, though as yet I was not able to lay hold of them. At certain seasons indeed I could be almost confident that there was _no condemnation_ to me; and could venture my soul upon Christ, for life and salvation. But this soon vanished away, which convinced me it was not justifying faith, else the witness would be in my heart; for _he that believeth on the Son of |God| hath the witness in himself.¹ And because ye are sons, |God| hath sent forth the spirit of his Son into your heart crying, Abba, Father._²
¹ _1 John v. 10._
² _Galatians iv. 6._
“4thly. There was kindled in my soul a still more vehement thirst after Christ. Nothing could now satisfy me short of the assured knowledge, that I had an interest in his blood. My soul was sick with fervent longings. I esteemed all things but dung and dross for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus. He appeared altogether lovely to me. I beheld all glory, all happiness, all riches, and honour in the Saviour. I had no desire after other things: all relish for them was gone, ‘Give me Christ, or else I die!’ Sin lost its power, so that no sin had dominion over me. I was so taken up in beholding the Lord Jesus, in reading and in prayer, that I had no desire of any thing else. Neither _the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye_, nor _the pride of life_, had any power over me. But yet I could not say, I was then a believer. I had indeed an utter hatred to all sin, and power to forsake every thing that I believed to be offensive to God, and contrary to the holy will of my Lord Jesus, whom I sought and desired above all things visible or invisible.
“5thly. And now, about four months after my most deep awakenings, and joining the _Methodist_ society, the clear day began to shine and the Lord, who _is rich in mercy_ visited me with his salvation. He brought me out of the horrible pit, and miry clay, and set my feet upon the rock Christ Jesus. The particular manner of which was as follows,
“Coming into the room where we were accustomed to meet together, to hear the word of exhortation; before preaching began, I sat musing. My soul was looking out and longing for Christ, as the watchman for the morning. The congregation being assembled, the servant of God (Mr. W. T.) poured out his soul in prayer. And as he prayed, the power of the Lord came down in the midst of us. The _windows of heaven_ were opened, and the _skies poured down righteousness_. My heart melted like wax before the fire; especially at the mention of those words, _Who is this that cometh from Edom, with dyed garments from Bozrah? This that is glorious in his apparel travelling in the greatness of his strength?_ And again, at the singing those words in the hymn.
“Behold the Saviour of mankind, Nail’d to the shameful tree! How vast the love that him inclin’d To bleed, and die for thee! ’Tis done! the precious ransom’s paid; Receive my soul he cries; See, where he bows his sacred head! He bows his head and dies.”
“The former words in the prayer, and these in the hymn, came with such power to my heart that I was constrained to cry out, _Bless the |Lord|, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name; for he hath forgiven all mine iniquity, and healed my diseases_.