_Of his temptations, conflicts and various exercises of soul._
IT is a point of wisdom, well worthy our ♦pursuit, to know what in the course of our experience we ought to ascribe to God, to angels, whether good or evil, and to ourselves. How greatly would it contribute to prevent many evil reasonings and self-tormenting consternations? And it is a point of knowledge to which _the children of the kingdom_ do actually attain through faith and prayer.
♦ “pusuit” replaced with “pursuit”
The following few particulars, in the course of the experience of this man of God, which are ascribed to the agency of the power of darkness, are (among an infinity of other instances in the world) sufficient proofs of the attempts of those malicious spirits, to _steal and to destroy_, to rob us of the grace of God, and to destroy our souls.
Concerning the variety of inward conflicts which he went through, he often took notice that they were greatest on the Lord’s day; and says on the occasion, “Lord I am more afflicted on thy day, than on any other. Thou knowest the cause. If it be the enemy that afflicts me, do thou rebuke him; let him have no power over my body or soul. And O give me thy meek, and long-suffering mind to bear whatsoever burden thou permittest to come upon me.”
He observes likewise, When I have most life and power in preaching, then the devil and sin muster all their force, and thrust sore at me. But hitherto God has preserved me both from the great offence, and from misery and dejection.
The instances of the resistance he found in the time of preaching from invisible powers, were highly remarkable. He has sometimes started in amaze, at horrible injections, concerning God, or Christ, or some fundamental article of the Christian religion; even then, while he has been powerfully asserting, proving, and enforcing it. I have often heard him say, there was not a single divine truth, in the which he was then established, for which he had not fought, resisting as it were unto blood. For he would take nothing upon trust; nor see with the eyes of others. He derived his sentiments, from the fountain head. His best things came from God in the way of _labour_ and _striving_.
He has been sometimes deprived of the use of some of his senses, during the very time of preaching: once in particular, 1751. In the midst of his discourse, he, in an instant lost his eye-sight and fell back in the pulpit, yet retaining, during the whole time, the perfect use of his understanding: he however, soon recovered, and finished his sermon. He believed, ♦and was not confounded.
♦ duplicate word “and” removed
Often when he has been disturbed in the silence of the night in ways more than natural, well knowing the cause, he has with much confidence, in the name of Jesus commanded the adversary to be gone; and he found it always according to his faith.
Riding one day with a friend, and talking as he was wont, of the goodness of God, and of the confidence which he found in him.――――“Just then, (says he) my horse on a plain place threw me over his head. As I came to the ground, it was, as it were, sounded in my ears, ‘Will you trust God now?’ Yes I said, for ever! Through the mercy of the Lord I was not hurt. I saw an enemy had done it. I was thankful and felt no contrary emotion in my heart.”
One particular which ought perhaps to be reduced to this head, and which to some, no doubt, will appear singular, was a painful apprehension, which he sometimes had of dying. And what renders it the more observable is, that it was so even at those times, when he could truly _triumph_ in Christ, knowing that he should be with him for ever. Of this we have the following account from himself.
“_Saturday, December 1, 1753._ After preaching I studied closely till ten. I found infinite sweetness in God; and much power breathed into my soul after all _the mind of_ Christ. At present I am tempted chiefly with the fear of death. I believe my pardon is sealed by the blood of the covenant. I have no fear of hell, and yet I am sorely apprehensive of death.” Again,
“_Monday 22d._ I was this day, as I have been frequently of late much perplexed at the thought of dying. I believe my Redeemer liveth, and that I have an interest in his blood, and yet, notwithstanding, I am sore amazed at the thought of dissolution.”
And thus in reality it was with this servant of God; so that the uncomfortable apprehensions which he sometimes felt, even till near his end, in regard of dying must needs be ascribed, chiefly, to the permission of God to Satan, to exercise him in this manner; and may be considered as a _thorn_ in his _flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet him_; perhaps partly for the easement of other tempted souls, and with regard to himself, thereby more fully
“To prove him, and illustrate his high worth, Whose constant perseverance overcame Whatever _Satan’s_ malice could invent.”¹
¹ Milton.