“_Tuesday, 21._ I had a sorrowful morning. My soul was in heaviness through manifold temptations. The enemy came upon me in my sleep, and grieved my soul. Although I had joy at night, yet sorrow attended me in the morning. I had intended to have preached on the beatitudes; but finding myself full of troubles and temptations, I changed my purpose and preached from _Hebrews iv. 14‒16._ O my God, must I perish? Hast thou brought me thus far and shall I be cast off? O, forbid it Saviour. Forsake not the work of thine own hands. Come and destroy the work of the devil! My God, my God, do not forsake me. Thou knowest that sin is hateful to me. Have I not a love to righteousness? Do not my soul and flesh cry out for the living God? Am I not willing to go even through the fire, rather than offend Thee? Why then should the enemy prevail against me?
“Jesus hast thou not bought my soul? Am not I thine? O that my head were waters, O that I could even weep tears of blood: Lord God let not thy loving kindness depart from me. Where art thou Jesus thou Son of God! My great High-Priest, where is thy atoning blood? Where is he that was tempted in all points like unto me? Is there no help for me in my God? Why art thou cast down O my soul? O that I could yield my last breath, if nothing else will end the strife! Oh! the languishments of my soul for an absent God! How does my spirit faint within me! How do I pine! O sun of righteousness, arise upon me with healing in thy wings. Come Lord Jesus, O come, and save me for thy mercy’s sake. Where are the soundings of thy bowels, Dost thou not see my labouring breast? Is not my pain even worse than strangling? Return O Lord, see my gasping longing, aching heart. Am I not an object of pity? Have I not need of Thee! Now answer me by fire! Get thyself the victory! I want the seal of thy Spirit, the earnest of my heaven!”
The Lord did hear his prayer. I find it therefore added soon after. “O how plentifully did the Lord pour his love and consolation into my soul! I am amazed at the goodness and long-suffering of God towards me. And I observe in general, that after great heaviness and conflicts, come extraordinary joy and consolation. O may I husband well this precious gift of God!”