He studied deeply the nature of the Christian warfare, and was well practised in the use of its weapons. His thoughts on _the whole armour of_ God,¹ ♦were the genuine result of his own experience. The combats which he met with, needed not less than the whole; and he both tried, and proved that every part thereof is indeed essential. Something very different from the preceeding particulars he relates as follows,
¹ There is a sermon of his printed under this title.
♦ “where” replaced with “were”
“_Friday, August 2, 1754._ I talked with one to-day, who was sorely tempted, (how mysterious!) to kill me; and for no other reason than because she was awakened under my preaching to feel herself a poor lost sinner.” Again,
“_September 16._ After preaching, a young woman came to me, and said, that some time before, she had brought a knife with her to preaching, intending to kill me; but was so terrified under the last prayer, that she durst not attempt it. The devil suggested, that if she did but take away my life, the burden which she felt through my preaching, would immediately depart.”
I shall conclude this chapter with a few other particulars, relating to this head of trials, taken from his own words.
“This day I was sorely tempted. _Satan_ threw many of his _fiery darts_ at me. I never before felt such agony in resisting, what are commonly called blasphemous thoughts. I cried unto the Lord, and he delivered me!”
“In the evening (not of the same day) I was in great distress. My soul was much weighed down. I felt grievous horror in my spirit, and yet I was resolved, although the Lord should slay me, to trust in him. In the very hour that I came to this resolution, my burden was removed; and the Lord gave me to rejoice in spirit.”
“This day, (_April 1754_) I had conversation with some Christian friends, concerning temptations, and the general experience of the saints. And however _Satan_ may be permitted to trouble their body or soul, I always believed, that God doth not hide his face, unless to punish us for commission of sin, or omission of duty. And the more I meditate upon this subject, the more abundantly I am confirmed in my judgment.”
“_Thursday 21._ I had a miserable night. Sometime after I went to bed, I was sorely assaulted of the devil. I attempted to compose myself, but could not. I was suddenly seized with a weakness, and cold sweat. My heart failed me. My soul was afflicted; my spirit was grieved, and sore vexed. The eye of my faith was darkened; the sense of God’s love departed; and the anger of the Lord seemed revealed towards me. I could see nothing but thick darkness, and hear nothing but thundrings from _Sinai_! It seemed to me, as though there was a struggle between justice and mercy concerning me. But although I was in such confusion, and perplexity, I saw that mercy got the victory, and triumphed over judgment.”
*“My strength so failed me that it seemed as though I had not an hour to live. I rose however, and dressed myself; but could scarcely pray one word. I cried Mercy! Mercy! Mercy! I stretched myself upon the floor, and could weep only a few tears. I had gone through sore trouble and darkness before this time; but such a night as this, I never had before (and O my God, may I never see such another.) After being for some time on the floor, I got up and walked a little, about the room; and then threw myself upon my knees. Being a little revived, I went to bed again. During the little while I slept, I had before me the cause of my trouble. I soon got up, and my head was now as water, and my eyes a fountain of tears.
“My confidence returned, so that I could look up and believe that the Lord was mine. I went and preached on _Zechariah iv. 7._ _Who art thou O great mountain? Before Zerubbabel thou shalt become a plain; and he shall bring forth the headstone thereof with shoutings, crying, grace, grace unto it._ And my soul was humbled to the dust. My praying and preaching was from my very heart. Let it be for ever remembered, to the glory of the great God, and my Saviour Christ, that I was not suffered to be long in this condition. In about half an hour, I received some confidence, and in the morning my faith was increased.
“Let it be also remarked, that the scripture promises were of great comfort to me, particularly _Hosea xiv. 1._ _John ii. 2, 3._ Glory, honour, praise, worship, and dominion be ascribed unto thee, O Lord! Ye angels of God, bless him on my behalf! Let all in heaven and all in earth join to worship the triune God, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost!” The following was some time after.