I continued in this state of mind from Friday morning till the sabbath-evening following, July 12, 1739, when I was walking again in the same solitary place, and attempting to pray, but found no heart to engage in that or any other duty. Having been thus endeavouring to pray for near half an hour, (and by this time the sun was about half an hour high) as I was walking in a dark thick grove, _unspeakable glory_ opened to the view of my soul: I do not mean any external brightness, but a new inward apprehension or view that I had of God, such as I never had before. I stood still and admired! I had never seen before any thing comparable to it for excellency and beauty; it was widely different from all the conceptions that ever I had of God, or things divine. I had no particular apprehension of any one person in the Trinity, either the Father, the Son, or the Holy Ghost; but it appeared to be _divine glory_ that I then beheld; and my soul _♦rejoiced with joy unspeakable_, to see such a God, such a glorious divine being; and I was inwardly pleased and satisfied, that he should be God over all for ever and ever. My soul was so captivated and delighted with the excellency, loveliness, greatness, and other perfections of God, that I was even swallowed up in him, so that at _first_, I scarce reflected there was such a creature as myself.
♦ “rerejoiced” replaced with “rejoiced”
Thus God, brought me to a hearty disposition to _exalt him_, and to aim at his glory, as King of the universe.
I continued in this state till near dark, without any sensible abatement; and then began to think what I had seen; and was sweetly composed all the evening following. I felt myself in a new world, and every thing about me appeared with a different aspect from what it was wont to do.
*At this time the _way of salvation_ opened to me with such infinite wisdom and excellency, that I wondered I should ever think of any other way of salvation; was amazed, that I had not dropped my own contrivances, and complied with this excellent way before. If I could have been saved by my own duties, or any other way that I had formerly contrived, my whole soul would now have refused. I wondered, that the whole world did not see and comply with this way of salvation, entirely by the _merits of Christ_.
The sweet relish of what I then felt, continued with me for several days, in a greater or less degree; I could not but sweetly rejoice in God, lying down or rising up. The next Lord’s day I felt something of the same kind, though not so powerful. But not long after, was again under great distress; yet not of the same kind with my distress under convictions. I was afraid and ashamed to come before God; was exceedingly pressed with a sense of guilt: but it was not long before I felt true repentance and joy in God.
In the beginning of September I went to college¹, and entered there; but with some degree of reluctance, fearing lest I should not be able to lead a life of strict religion, in the midst of so many temptations. ――――After this, before, I went to tarry at college, it pleased God to visit my soul with clearer manifestations of himself in prayer and self-examination; and the Lord so shined into my heart, that I enjoyed full assurance of his favour; and my soul was unspeakably refreshed. At this time especially, as well as some others, sundry passages of God’s word opened to my soul with divine clearness, power and sweetness, so as to appear exceeding precious, and with clear and certain evidence of its being _the word of God_. I enjoyed considerable sweetness in ♦religion all the winter following.
¹ Yale college, in New-haven.
♦ “religon” replaced with “religion”
In January 1739‒40, the measles spread much in college; and I having taken the distemper, went home to Haddam. For some days before I was taken sick, my soul mourned the absence of the Comforter: it seemed to me, all comfort was gone; I cried to God, yet found no relief. But a night or two before I was taken ill, while I was walking alone, engaged in meditation and prayer, I enjoyed a sweet, refreshing visit from above, so that my soul was raised far above the fears of death; O how much more refreshing this one season was than all the pleasures earth can afford! After a day or two I was taken with the measles, and almost despaired of life; but had no distressing fears of death. However, I soon recovered: yet by reason of hard studies, I had little time for spiritual duties; my soul often mourned for want of more time and opportunity to be alone with God. In the spring and summer following, I had better advantage for retirement and enjoyed more comfort: indeed my ambition in my studies greatly wronged the vigour of my spiritual life: yet “in the multitude of my thoughts within me, God’s comforts delighted my soul.”