Thursday, February 9. I observed this day as a day of fasting and prayer, intreating of God to bestow upon me his blessing and grace: especially to enable me to live a life of mortification to the world, as well as of resignation and patience. I enjoyed a realizing sense of divine power and goodness in prayer: and was enabled to roll the burden of myself and friends, and of Zion, upon the goodness of God.
Friday, February 10. I was exceedingly oppressed with shame, grief, and fear, under a sense of my past folly. When God sets before me my past misconduct, especially any instances of _misguided zeal_, it sinks my soul into shame and confusion.――I have no confidence to hold up my face, even before my fellow-worms; but only when my soul confides in God, and I find the sweet temper of Christ, the spirit of humility, solemnity, and mortification, and resignation, alive in my soul.
Monday, February 13. I rode to Stockbridge, and had a more refreshing taste of heavenly blessedness, than I have enjoyed for many months past. I have many times, of late, felt as ardent desires of holiness as ever; but not so much sense of the unspeakable pleasure of heaven. My soul longed to leave earth, and bear a part with angels in their celestial employments. My soul said, “Lord, it is good to be here;” and it appeared to me better to die, than to lose the relish of these heavenly delights.
Wednesday, February 22. I had as clear a sense of the pollution of my nature, as ever I had in my life. I appeared to myself inexpressibly lothsome; sins of childhood, of early youth, and such follies as I had not thought of for years together, came fresh to my view, as if committed but yesterday. Yet I was supported under my burdens; and found it was comfortable to lean on God.
*Friday, March 2. I never felt so much love to my enemies, (though at that time I found such a disposition, that I scarce knew how to think that any such thing as enmity lodged in any soul; it seemed as if all the world must needs be friends;) and never prayed with more freedom and delight, for myself, or dearest friend, than I did now for them.
*Saturday, March 3. I spent an hour in prayer, with great freedom, and with the most soft and tender affection towards mankind. I longed that those who owe me ill-will, might be eternally happy: it seemed refreshing, to think of meeting them in heaven, how much soever they had injured me on earth: I had no disposition to insist upon any confession from them, in order to reconciliation, and the exercise of love and kindness to them. O it is an emblem of heaven, to love all the world with a love of kindness and benevolence; to feel our souls sedate, mild and meek; to be void of all evil-surmisings and suspicions, scarce able to think evil of any man; to find our hearts, simple, open and free, to those that look upon us with a different eye.
*Lord’s-day, March 4. I enjoyed the same intenseness in prayer as yesterday, felt the same spirit of love, universal benevolence, forgiveness, humility, resignation, mortification to the world, and composure of mind. “My soul rested in God;” and I found, I wanted no other refuge or friend. While my soul thus trusts in God, all things seem to be at peace with me, even the stones of the earth; but when I cannot confide in God, all things appear with a different aspect.