*Saturday, March 10. I felt exceeding dead to the world, and all its enjoyments: I was ready to give up life and all its comforts, as soon as called to it; and yet then had as much comfort of life as almost ever I had. Life itself appeared but an empty bubble; the riches, honours, and enjoyments of it extremely tasteless. I longed to be perpetually and entirely _crucified_ to all things here below. My soul was sweetly resigned to God’s disposal of me, in every regard; and I saw, there had nothing happened to me but what was best for me. I confided in God, that he would “never leave me,” though I should “walk through the valley of the shadow of death.” It was “my meat and drink to be holy, to live to the Lord, and to die to the Lord.” And I then enjoyed such an heaven, as far exceeded the most sublime conceptions of an unregenerate soul; and even unspeakably beyond what I myself could conceive at another time. I did not wonder, that Peter said, “Lord it is good to be here,” when thus refreshed with divine glories. My soul was full of love and tenderness in the duty of intercession; especially of sweet affection to some godly ministers. I prayed earnestly for those I have reason to fear are my enemies; and could not have spoken a word of bitterness, or entertained a bitter thought, against the vilest man living. I had a sense of my own great unworthiness. My soul seemed to breathe forth love and praise to God afresh, when I thought he would let his children love and receive me as one of their brethren and fellow-citizens; and when I thought of their treating me in that manner, I longed to lie at their feet; and could think of no way to express the sincerity and simplicity of my love and esteem of them, as being much better than myself.――I longed to get on my knees, and ask forgiveness of every body that ever had seen any thing amiss in my past conduct, especially in my _religious zeal_.
Lord’s-day, March 11. I had some freedom, affection, and fervency in addressing my poor people; longing that God should take hold of their hearts. And indeed I had so much to say to them, that I knew not how to leave off speaking.¹
¹ This was the last Sabbath that ever he performed public service at Kaunaumeek, and these the last sermons that ever he preached there.
Monday, March 12. My spirit was full of quietness, and love to mankind; and I longed that peace should reign on the earth: I was grieved at the very thoughts of a _fiery, angry_, and _intemperate_ zeal in religion; mourned over my past follies; and confided in God for grace sufficient for my future work and trials.――Spent the day mainly in hard labour, making preparation for my intended journey.
Wednesday, March 14. I enjoyed some intenseness of soul in prayer, repeating my petitions for God’s presence in every place, and besought the Lord that I might not be too much pleased with my dear friends and acquaintance. Near ten I set out on my journey, and before night came to Stockbridge.
Thursday, March 15. I rode down to Sheffield. Here I met a messenger from East-Hampton on Long-Island; who by the unanimous vote of that large town, was sent to invite me thither, in order to settle with that people; I knew not what to do; but endeavoured to commit the cause to God.
[The two next days, he went no farther than Salisbury, being hindered by the rain. When he came there, he was much indisposed.――He speaks of comfortable and profitable conversation with Christian friends, on these days.]
Lord’s day, March 18. [At Salisbury] I was exceeding weak and faint, so that I could scarce walk: but God was pleased to afford me much freedom, clearness, and fervency in preaching.――Here another messenger met me, and informed me of the vote of another congregation, to give me an invitation to come among them. I was something exercised in mind. O that God would “send forth faithful labourers into his harvest!”
[After this, he went forward on his journey towards New-York and New-Jersey: in which he proceeded slowly; performing his journey under great bodily indisposition. However, he preached several times by the way, in which he had considerable assistance: he speaks of comfort in conversation with Christian friends; but yet complains of a decline of vivacity, by means of his constant removal from place to place, and want of retirement. He came to New-York on Wednesday, March 28, and to Elisabeth-Town on the Saturday following, where it seems he waited till the commissioners came together.]
Thursday, April 5. I attended on the commissioners in their meeting,¹ and resolved to go on still with the Indian affair, if divine providence permitted; although I had before felt some inclination to go to East-Hampton.²