Lord’s-day, February 3. In the morning, I was somewhat relieved of that gloom, that my mind has of late been exercised with; and was enabled to pray with composure and comfort. But, however, I went to my Indians trembling; for my soul “remembered the wormwood and the gall” of Friday last; and I was greatly afraid I should be obliged again to drink of that _cup of trembling_, which was inconceivably more bitter than death. But God was pleased to hear my cries, and to afford me great assistance; so that I felt peace in my soul; and was satisfied, that if not one of the Indians should be profited yet I should be accepted and rewarded as faithful.
*Monday, February 11. In the evening I was in a most solemn frame: I know not that ever death appeared more real to me, or that ever I saw myself in the condition of a dead corpse, laid out, and dressed for a lodging in the silent grave, so evidently. And yet I felt exceedingly comfortable; my mind was composed and calm, and _death_ appeared _without a sting_. I never felt such an universal mortification to all created objects. Oh, how great and solemn a thing it appeared to die! How it lays the greatest honour in the dust! And how vain and trifling did the riches, honours, and pleasures of the world appear! I could not so much as think of any of them; for _death, death_, solemn (though not frightful) _death_ appeared at the door. I could see myself laid out, and inclosed in my coffin, and put down into the cold grave, without terror! I spent the evening in conversing with a Christian friend; and it was a comfortable evening to us both.――What are friends? What are comforts? What are sorrows? What are distresses?――――“The time is short: it remains, that they that weep, be as though they wept not; and they which rejoice, as though they rejoiced not: for the fashion of this world passeth away. O come, Lord Jesus, come quickly.”
Friday, February 15. I had a sweet sense of the free grace of the gospel: my soul was encouraged, warmed, and quickened, and my desires drawn out after God in prayer: being afraid of losing so sweet a guest as I then entertained. I longed to proclaim the grace I then meditated upon, to the world of sinners.――O how _quick_ and _powerful_ is the _word_ of the blessed God!
Lord’s day, February 17. I preached to the _white_ people in the wilderness, upon the sunny side of a hill: I had a considerable assembly, consisting of people that lived (many of them) thirty miles asunder. I discoursed to them, from John vii. 37. “Jesus stood and cried, saying, If any man thirst,” &c. In the afternoon it pleased God to grant me great fervency; I was enabled to imitate the example of Christ, who _stood and cried_.――I was scarce ever enabled to offer the free grace of God to perishing sinners with more freedom and plainness. O that I could for ever bless God for the mercy of this day, who, “answered me in the joy of my heart.”
Lord’s-day, February 24. My _interpreter_ being absent, I knew not how to perform my work among the Indians. However, I rode to the Indians, and got a Dutchman to interpret, though he was but poorly qualified. Afterwards I preached to a few white people from John vi. 67. O the free grace of Christ, that he seasonably minds his people of their danger of _backsliding_, and invites them to persevere in their adherence to himself! I saw that _backsliding_ souls might return, and welcome, to him _immediately_; without any thing to recommend them; notwithstanding all their former backslidings. And I felt solemn, devout, and sweet, resting on him for assistance, acceptance, and peace of conscience.
*Wednesday, March 6. I spent most of the day in preparing for a journey to New-England, and in prayer, with a reference to my journey. I was afraid I should forsake the _fountain of living waters_, and attempt to derive satisfaction from _broken cisterns_, my dear friends and acquaintance. I looked to God to keep me from this _vanity_ in special, as well as others. Towards night, I was visited by some friends, who discovered an affectionate regard to me, and seemed grieved that I was about to leave them; especially seeing I did not expect to make any considerable stay among them, if I should live to return from New-England.¹ O how kind has God been to me! How has he raised up friends in every place, where his providence has called me!
¹ It seems, he had a design to remove and live among the Indians at Susquahannah river.