*While we were singing, there was one (the woman mentioned in my journal of February 9.) who, was “filled with joy unspeakable and full of glory,” and could not but burst forth in prayer and praises to God before us all, with many tears, crying sometimes in English, and sometimes in Indian “O blessed Lord, do come, do come! O do take me away, do let me die and go to Jesus Christ! I am afraid if I live I shall sin again! O do let me die now! O dear Jesus, do come! I cannot stay, I cannot stay! O how can I live in this world! do take my soul away from this sinful place! O let me never sin any more!”――In this ecstasy she continued some time, uttering these and such like expressions incessantly.
*When she had a little recovered, I asked her, if Christ was now sweet to her soul? Whereupon, turning to me with tears in her eyes, she said, “I have many times heard you speak of the goodness and the sweetness of Christ, that he was better than all the world. But O! I knew nothing what you meant, I never believed you! I never believed you! But now I know it is true!”――I answered, And do you see enough in Christ for the greatest of sinners? She replied, “O! enough, enough! for all the sinners in the world, if they would but come.” And when I asked her, if the could not tell them of the goodness of Christ: turning herself about to some poor Christless souls who stood by, and were much affected, she said, “O! there is enough in Christ for you, if you would but come! O strive, strive to give up your hearts to him!”――And upon hearing something of the glory of heaven mentioned, she again fell into the same ecstasy, repeating her former expressions, “O dear Lord, do let me go! O what shall I do, what shall I do! I want to go to Christ! I cannot live! O do let me die!”
She continued in this sweet frame for more than two hours, before she was well able to get home.
I am sensible there may be great joys, where there is no evidence of their being well grounded. But in the present case there seemed to be no evidence wanting, in order to prove this joy to be divine, either in regard of its preparatives, attendants, or consequents.
Of all the persons I have seen, I scarce ever saw one more bowed under convictions of sin; and scarce any who seemed to have a greater acquaintance with her own heart than she had.
And as she was remarkably sensible of her stubbornness under conviction, so she was no less remarkably reconciled to divine grace, before she obtained relief. Since which she has constantly breathed the spirit of a new creature: crying after Christ, not through fear of _hell_ as before, but with strong desires after him as her only satisfying _portion_: and has many times wept bitterly, because she could not love him.――When I have asked her, Why she appeared so sorrowful, and whether it was because she was afraid of hell? She would answer, “No, I be not distressed about _that_; but my heart is so wicked I _cannot love_ Christ;” and thereupon burst out into tears.――But although this has been the habitual frame of her mind for several weeks, yet she never had any remarkable comfort till this evening.
The _attendants_ of this comfort, were such as abundantly discovered that it was truly “joy in the Holy Ghost.”――――_Now_ she viewed divine truths as _living realities_; and could say, “I know these things are so, I feel they are true!”――_Now_ her soul was resigned to the divine will in the most tender points; so that when I said to her, What if God should take away your husband, (who was sick,) how do you think you could bear that? She replied, “He belongs to God, and not to me; he may do with him just what he pleases.”――_Now_ she had the most tender sense of the evil of sin, and discovered the utmost aversion to it.――_Now_ she could freely trust her _all_ with God for time and eternity. And when I queried with her, how she could be willing to die, and leave her little infant: and what she thought would become of it in case she should? She answered, “God will take care of it. It belongs to him.”――_Now_ she appeared to have the most humbling sense of her own unworthiness and inability to preserve herself from sin, and to persevere in holiness. And I thought I had never seen such an appearance of _ecstasy_ and _humility_ meeting in any one person.
The consequents of this joy are no less desirable than its attendants. She since appears to be a most tender, broken-hearted, affectionate, devout, and humble Christian, as exemplary in life and conversation as any person in my congregation.
March 10. Toward night the Indians met together of their own accord, and sang, prayed, and discoursed of divine things. At this time there was much affection among them. Some appeared to be melted with divine things, and others seemed much concerned for their souls.
I baptized the _woman_ mentioned in my journal of last Lord’s-day; who appeared to be in a devout, and excellent frame of mind.