Lord’s-day, April 6. I preached from Matthew vii. 21‒23. There were considerable effects visible in the audience; an earnest attention, a great solemnity, many tears and sighs. Divers were put upon close examination of their spiritual slates, by hearing that “not every one that saith to Christ, Lord, Lord, shall enter into his kingdom.” And some of them expressed fears least they had deceived themselves, and taken up a false hope, because they had done so little of the “will of his Father who is in heaven.”
There was also one man brought under pressing concern for his soul; which appeared more especially after his retirement from public worship. And that which, he says, gave him the greatest uneasiness, was, not so much any particular sin, as that he had never done the will of God at _all_, and so had no claim to the kingdom of heaven.
In the afternoon I opened to them the _discipline_ of Christ in his church, and the method in which _offenders_ are to be dealt with. At this the religious people were much affected, especially when they heard, that the offender continuing obstinate, must be esteemed “as an Heathen man, that has no part or lot among God’s visible people.” _This_ they seemed to have the most awful apprehensions of; a state of Heathenism, out of which they were so lately brought, appearing very dreadful to them.
After, public worship I visited sundry houses to see how they spent the remainder of the sabbath, and to treat with them on the great concerns of their souls; and the Lord seemed to smile upon my endeavours, and to make these particular addresses more effectual than my public discourses.
April 7. I endeavoured to open the institution, nature, and ends of the Lord’s supper, as well as the qualifications necessary to the right participation of it. Sundry persons seemed much affected with the love of Christ in this provision for the comfort of his people, at a season when himself was just entering upon his sharpest sufferings.
[On Tuesday, he went to a meeting of the Presbytery appointed at Elisabeth’s-Town. In his way thither, he enjoyed some sweet meditations; but after he came there, he was (as he expresses it) _under an awful gloom_, that oppressed his mind. And this continued till Saturday evening. He spent the sabbath at Staten island; where he preached to an assembly of Dutch and English, and enjoyed considerable refreshment. In the evening he returned to Elisabeth’s-Town.]
Monday, April 14. My spirits were refreshed, and my mind composed, so that I was in a comfortable frame of soul, most of the day. In the evening my head was clear, my mind serene; I enjoyed sweetness in secret prayer and meditation. Oh, how free, how comfortable, chearful, and yet solemn, do I feel when I am in a good measure freed from those damps and melancholy glooms, that I often labour under!
*Tuesday, April 15. My soul longed for more spirituality: and it was my burden, that I could do no more for God. Oh, my barrenness is my daily affliction! Oh, how precious is time: and how it pains me to see it slide away, while I do so very little to any good purpose! Oh that God would make me more fruitful and spiritual!
Thursday, April 17. I enjoyed some comfort in prayer, some freedom in meditation, and composure in my studies. In the evening I preached from Psalms lxxiii. 28. “But it is good for me to draw near to God.” God helped me to feel the truth of my text. I was enabled to pour out my soul to God with great freedom, fervency, and affection: and to speak with tenderness, and yet with faithfulness: and divine truths seemed to fall with weight and influence upon the hearers. My heart was melted for the dear assembly, and I loved every body in it; my soul cried, “Oh that the dear creatures might be saved! O that God would have mercy on them!”
Lord’s-day, April 20.¹ I enjoyed some freedom, and exercise of faith and prayer, especially when I came to pray for Zion. I was free from gloomy discouragement; and my soul rejoiced in the hopes of Zion’s prosperity, and the enlargement of the kingdom of the great Redeemer.
¹ This day he entered into the 29th year of his age.
Monday, April 21. I was composed and comfortable most of the day; had freedom in prayer, several times; especially for Zion’s enlargement and prosperity. And Oh, how refreshing were these hopes to my soul! Oh that the kingdom of the Lord might come.
Tuesday, April 22. My mind was remarkably free from melancholy damps, and animated in my work, I found such vigour and resolution in the service of God, that the _mountains_ seemed to become a _plain_ before me. Oh, blessed be God for an interval of refreshment, and fervent resolution in my Lord’s work! In the evening, my soul was refreshed in secret prayer, and my heart drawn out for divine blessings; especially for the church of God, for my own people, and for dear friends in remote places. Oh that Zion might prosper, and precious souls be brought home to God!