The first genuine concern for his soul was excited by seeing my interpreter and his wife baptized at the Forks of Delaware, July 21, 1745. Which so prevailed upon him that he followed me down to Crosweeksung in the beginning of August, and there continued for several weeks in the season of the most powerful awakening among the Indians; at which time he was more effectually awakened: and then, he says, upon his “feeling the spirit of God in his heart,” (as he expresses it) his spirit of conjuration left him entirely; that he has had no more power of that nature since, than any other man. And he declares that he does not so much as know how he used to _charm_ and conjure; and that he could not do any thing of that nature, if he was ever so desirous.
He continued under convictions all the fall, and former part of the winter past, but was not so deeply exercised till January; and then the word of God took such hold upon him, that he knew not what to do, or where to turn.――He then told me, that when he used to hear me preach from time to time in the fall of the year, my preaching pricked his heart, but did not bring him to so _great_ distress, because he still hoped he could do _something_ for his own relief: but now, he said, I drove him up into “such a sharp corner,” that he had no way to turn.
He continued under the heavy burden of a _wounded spirit_, till he was brought into the utmost _agony of soul_.
After this he was brought to a kind of calmness; he appeared perfectly sedate; although he had no sure hope of salvation.
*I observed him remarkably composed, and asked him how he did? He replied, “It is done, it is done, it is all done now.” I asked him what he meant? He answered, “I can never do any more to save myself; it is all done for ever, I can do no more.” I queried with him, whether he could not do a _little_ more rather than to go to hell. He replied, “My heart is dead, I can never help myself.” I asked him, what he thought would become of him then? He answered, “I must go to hell.” I asked him, if he thought it was right that God should send him to hell? He replied, “O it is right. The devil has been in me ever since I was born.” I asked him, if he felt this when he was in such great distress the evening before? He answered, “No, I did not think it was right. I thought God would send me to hell, and that I was then dropping into it; but my heart quarrelled with God, and would not say it was _right_ he should send me there. But now I know it is right, for I have always served the devil, and my heart has no goodness in it now, but it is as bad as ever it was,”――I scarce ever saw any person more effectually brought off from a dependence upon his own endeavours for salvation.
In this frame of mind he continued for several days, passing sentence of condemnation upon himself, and constantly owning, that it would be right he should be damned, and that he expected this would be his portion. And yet it was plain he had a secret hope of mercy, which kept him from pressing distress: so that instead of being sad and dejected, his very countenance appeared pleasant and agreeable.
*It was remarkable in this season that he seemed to have a great love to the people of God, and nothing ♦affected him so much as the thoughts of being separated from them. This seemed to be a very dreadful part of the hell he thought himself doomed to.――It was likewise remarkable, that in this season he was most diligent in the use of all means for his salvation; although he had the clearest view of the _insufficiency_ of means to afford him help.
♦ “effected” replaced with “affected” per Errata
*After he had continued in this frame of mind more than a _week_, while I was discoursing publicly, he seemed to have a lively view of the excellency of Christ, and the way of salvation by him, which melted him into tears, and filled him with admiration, comfort, and praise to God; since which he has appeared to be an humble, devout, and affectionate Christian; serious and exemplary in his conversation and behaviour, frequently complaining of his want of warmth, life, and activity, and yet frequently favoured with quickening influences. And in all respects he bears the marks of one “created anew in Christ Jesus.”
His zeal for the cause of God was pleasing to me, when he was with me at the Forks of Delaware in February last. There being an old Indian who threatened to _bewitch_ me and my people who accompanied me; _this_ man challenged him to do his worst, telling him, that himself had been as great a _conjurer_ as he, and that notwithstanding as soon as he felt that word in his heart which these people loved, his power of conjuring immediately left him.――And so it would you, said he, if you did but once feel it in your heart; and you have no power to touch one of them.