Another thing that lay much on his heart, and that he spake of, from time to time, in these near approaches of death, was the spiritual prosperity of his own congregation: and when he spake of them, it was with peculiar tenderness, so that his speech would be presently interrupted and drowned with tears.
*He also expressed much satisfaction in the disposals of Providence, with regard to the circumstances of his _death_; particularly that God had before his death given him the opportunity he had in Boston, with so many considerable persons, ministers, and others, to give in his testimony for God, and against false religion; and there to lay before charitable gentlemen, the state of the Indians, to so good effect; and that God had since given him an opportunity to write to them farther concerning these affairs; and to write other letters of importance, that he hoped might be of good influence with regard to the state of religion among the Indians, and elsewhere, after his death. He also mentioned it as what he accounted a merciful circumstance of his death, that he should die here. And speaking of these things, he said, “God had granted him all his desire;” and signified, that now he could with the greater alacrity leave the world.]
Monday, September 28. I was able to read, and make some few corrections in my private writings; but found I could not write as I had done; I found myself sensibly declining in all respects. It has been only from a little while before noon, till about one or two o’clock, that I have been able to do any thing for some time past: yet this refreshed my heart, that I could do any thing, either public or private for God.
[This evening, he was supposed to be dying: he thought so himself, and was thought so by those who were about him. He seemed glad at the appearance of death. He was almost speechless, but his lips appeared to move: and one that sat very near him, heard him utter, “Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly.――Oh, why is his chariot so long in coming!”――After he revived, he blamed himself for having been too eager to be gone. *And in expressing what he found in his mind at that time, he said, he then found an inexpressibly sweet love to those that he looked upon as _belonging to Christ_, beyond all that ever he felt before; so that it “seemed (to use his own words) like a little piece of _heaven_ to have one of them near him.” And being asked, whether he heard the prayer that was (at his desire) made with him; he said, “Yes, he heard every word, and had an uncommon sense of the things that were uttered in that prayer, and that every word reached his heart.”
On the evening of Tuesday, September 29, as he lay in his bed, his mind seemed greatly engaged concerning the prosperity of Zion: there being present at that time two _candidates_ for the _ministry_, he desired us all to unite in singing a psalm on that subject, even Zion’s prosperity. And on his desire we sung a part of the 102d Psalm. This seemed much to refresh him, and gave him new strength; so that, though before he could scarce speak at all, now he proceeded, with some freedom of speech, to give his dying counsels to those two young gentlemen, relating to the great work of the ministry they were designed for. In particular, he earnestly recommended to them frequent secret _fasting_ and _prayer_: and enforced his counsel with regard to this, from his own _experience_ of the great comfort and benefit of it; which (said he) I should not mention, were it not that I am a _dying_ person. And after he had finished his counsel, he made a prayer, in the audience of us all; wherein, besides praying for his family, for his brethren, and those candidates for the ministry, and for his own congregation, he earnestly prayed for the reviving and flourishing of religion in the world.
Till now, he had every day sat up part of the day; but after this he never rose from his bed.]
Wednesday, September 30. I was obliged to keep my bed the whole day, through weakness. However I redeemed a little time, and with the help of my brother, read and corrected about a dozen pages in my M. S. giving an account of my conversion.
Friday, October 2. My soul was this day, at turns, sweetly set on God: I longed to be with him, that I might _behold his glory_: I felt sweetly disposed to commit all to him, even my dearest friends; my dearest flock, and my absent brother, and all my concerns for time and eternity. Oh that his kingdom might come into the world; that they might all love and glorify him; and that the blessed Redeemer might “see of the travail of his soul, and be satisfied! Oh, come, Lord Jesus, come quickly! Amen.”¹
¹ Here ends his diary: these are the last words, that are written in it, either by his own hand, or from his mouth.