He also this week, wrote a letter to a gentleman in Boston, relating to the growth of the Indian school, and the need of another school-master. The gentlemen, on the receipt of this letter, had a meeting, and agreed with chearfulness to give 200l. (in bills of the old tenor) for the support of another school-master; and desired the Rev. Mr. Pemberton of New-York, as soon as possible to procure a suitable person for that service: and also agreed to allow 75l. to defray some special charges that were requisite to encourage the mission to the six Nations.
Mr. Brainerd spent himself much in writing those letters, being exceeding weak: but it seemed to be much to his satisfaction, that he had been enabled to do it; hoping that it was something done for God, and which might be for the advancement of Christ’s kingdom and glory. In writing the last of these letters, he was obliged to use the hand of another, not being able to write himself.
On the Thursday of this week (September 17.) was the last time that ever he went out of his lodging-room. That day, he was again visited by his brother Israel, who continued with him thenceforward till his death. *On that evening he was taken with something of a _diarrhea_; which he looked upon as another sign of his approaching _death_: whereupon he expressed himself thus; “Oh, the glorious time is now coming! I have longed to serve God perfectly: now God will gratify those desires!” And from time to time, at the several new symptoms of his dissolution, he was so far from being damped, that he seemed to be animated; as being glad at the appearances of death’s approach. He often used the epithet, _glorious_, when speaking of the day of his _death_, calling it _that glorious day_. And as he saw his dissolution gradually approaching, he was much in talking about it, and also settling all his affairs, very particularly and minutely giving directions concerning what he would have done. And the nearer death approached, the more desirous he seemed to be of it. He several times spake of the different kinds of _willingness to die_; and spoke of it as a mean kind of willingness to die, to be willing to leave the body only to get rid of pain.]
*Saturday, September 19. While I attempted to walk a little, my thoughts turned thus; “How infinitely sweet it is, to love God, and be all for him!” Upon which it was suggested to me, “You are not an angel, lively and active.” To which my soul immediately replied, I as sincerely desire to love and glorify God, as any angel in heaven.” Upon which it was suggested again, “But you are filthy, and not fit for heaven.” Hereupon instantly appeared the blessed robes of Christ’s _righteousness_, which I could not but exult and triumph in; and I viewed the infinite excellency of God, and my soul even broke out with longings, that God should be _glorified_. I thought of dignity in heaven: but instantly the thought returned, “I do not go to heaven to get honour, but to give all ♦possible glory and praise.” Oh, how I longed that God should be glorified on _earth_ also! _Bodily pains_ I cared not for: though I was then in extremity, I never felt easier; I felt willing to _glorify God_ in that state, as long as he pleased. The _grave_ appeared really sweet, and I longed to lodge my weary bones in it: but Oh, that God might be _glorified_! this was the burden of all my cry. Oh, I knew, I should be _active_ as an angel, in heaven; and that I should be stripped of my _filthy garments_!――――But Oh, to _love_ and _praise_ God more, to _please_ him for ever! this my soul panted after, and even now pants for while I write. Oh that _God_ might be _glorified_ in the whole earth! “Lord, let thy kingdom come.” I longed for a spirit of _preaching_ to descend and rest on _ministers_, that they might address the consciences of men with closeness and power. I saw God, had the residue of the spirit; and my soul longed it should be “poured from on high.” I could not but plead with God for my dear congregation, that he would preserve it, and not suffer _his great name_ to lose its glory in that work; my soul still longing, that God might be _glorified_.
♦ “possibly” replaced with “possible” per Errata