Thursday 19. The committing a known sin, threw me into exquisite distress, so that I hardly dared to go to prayer, and Satan making the best of his opportunity sorely wounded me; yea, had slain me, had not the sinner’s friend stept in to rescue me, and given me hope. This hope was confirmed in meeting my class on Tuesday. Blessed be his name for this! But still this can’t suffice, unless he give me his dear self which my soul truly longeth for.
Sunday 29. I spent the day profitable, and comfortably, thanks be to God. Mr. _T――――r_ preached in the evening on _Isaiah lv. 1_. _Ho, every one that thirsteth, &c._ O how sweet an invitation to the thirsty soul! Lord, give me grace to accept it. Thursday evening my uncle preached on _Mark vii. 24_. _But he could not be hid._ After sermon he informed us of Mr. _P――――n_’s being taken to rest on Sunday, November 22, who about two months ago was standing in that pulpit, inviting sinners to come to Christ in the most earnest manner: he then dined with us, and after dinner sung a hymn very suitable, (as it has proved) for himself, who was so soon to enter into the joy of his Lord. It was a funeral hymn, and begun with these lines,
“Away with our sorrow and fear, We soon shall recover our home, The city of saints shall appear, The day of eternity come.
“From earth we shall quickly remove, And mount to our native abode, The house of our Father above: The palace of angels and God.”
*My mind was much taken up all the evening, and the following day, with the thought of death; which occasioned many serious reflections. I think if the Lord would make me meet for glory, I could (young as I am,) quit the world, and not leave a wish behind: but the Lord’s will be done!
Thursday, December 10. My uncle gave an exceeding comfortable and profitable discourse from _Isaiah xl. 1_. _Comfort ye, Comfort ye my people, saith your God._ My soul was much refreshed, herein God fulfilled that promise, _Before they call, I will answer_, for I went without the least expectation of a blessing, and scarcely dared to pray for one, knowing my great unworthiness. However the Lord met me, and gave fresh hopes and desires, for which may I bless his name, while I have breath.
*Sunday 13. In the evening Mr. _C――――k_ preached a sermon on these awful words, _Revelation vi. 17_. _For the great day of his wrath is come, and who shall be able to stand?_ Who indeed but those who have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb, who have made the judge their friend! These and these only shall stand with boldness in that day. Lord, shall I be one of that number?
Friday 25. I found a blessing at the Lord’s table, where I solemnly dedicated myself to him, who gave himself for me. O may it be unreservedly and irrevocably! Lord, here is my heart; O take and seal it; seal it for thy courts above.
Sunday 27. Our house being in such confusion, as it has been for some days past, by reason of the sickness which has been in it, my mind has not been in that composed sweet frame as I could wish: but one blessing I have experienced, which is, I have been enabled to exercise patience, so as not to murmur and fret, tho’ every thing has gone cross with me. Nay thro’ the mercy of God, I have rejoiced in it: and been thankful for having an opportunity of chearfully bearing the cross; for all which I desire to praise my God.
Monday, December 23. In the evening Mr. _T――――r_ made a useful discourse on _Lamentations iii. 22_. _It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not._ He shewed the many ways whereby we might have been consumed; and the many mercies we have received from God. When I first went into the chapel, my mind was exceedingly disturbed by many evil tempers. But in singing this verse,
“From anger set our spirits free, It worketh not thy righteousness: In patience let us wait on thee, And quietly our souls possess:”
The thought cross’d my mind: shall I thus mock God; pray to him to compose my mind, while I am yielding to these tempers? I resolved to strive against them: thro’ his strength I overcame them, and found a blessing tho’ entirely unexpected.
*Friday 29. I was confined to my bed, being much indisposed. O what a short transition from time to eternity! I thought much of dying, but felt no fear: not because I was now ready, but I firmly believed the Lord would cut short his work in righteousness if he called me.