Saturday 11. At a funeral, I was much tempted to look at those who were still in their sins, and to prefer myself before them. But presently it came, _Who maketh thee to differ?_ For a moment I sunk almost into despair. But I thought on the love of God, and received comfort. So busy is the enemy, first to lift us up, and then to cast us down.
Tuesday, August 4. Glory be to God, in the midst of trials, I was as calm as if I was out of the body. In the evening, while I was earnest in private prayer, I felt as it were a dart shot through me. I started a little, but still kept calling upon God, till I was more than conqueror.
Saturday 8. This evening I was obliged to speak on behalf of the injured. And I thought it my duty to speak sharply, though still in love and meekness. I found love for God and his cause constrained me so to speak: For I hate every thing that would dishonour him.
Sunday, September 9. I was closely tried from a near quarter: But I was kept in peace. I wept to myself, to think of the sore bondage sin had brought upon them who are under the power of it. It gave me to see the uncertainty of all things but the love of Christ.
Sunday 29. I was disturbed soon after midnight, and again a little before day. I did not wake any more, till almost six. I was grieved to be disappointed of the preaching, and yet contented, seeing there was no will of my own in the omission of it. All this day I had a solemn time. My soul enjoyed peace and tranquillity, and I found it good, to leave the things of time behind, and to wait simply upon God.
Thursday, October 1. When the select society met, I was much tired, and very heavy. But the Lord was pleased to bless others in a glorious manner. Immediately it was suggested, “This is false fire: or why am not _I_ affected!” I begged the Lord, to answer for himself. And, before we parted, I had the petition I asked of him, and was refreshed both in soul and body.
Saturday 3. Being much disordered in body, I was obliged to lie down. I dreamed I was exhorting some people of note, in an exceeding solemn manner. And I was so happy in God, that I afterward felt the good effect of it, even upon my body. Yet, in the end, methought I was tempted to lightness. See how Satan besets us sleeping and waking!
Tuesday 6. I had strong desires to be filled with God, and I find faith that I shall; that I shall be entirely devoted to God, and that every moment. My heart is more enlarged in love to all mankind, particularly to my brethren; and I have power to cover their faults with love, and to pray for them. Blessed be God, that his work is spreading among us: More and more are brought to the knowledge of God: And many are going from house to house, to call upon God and tell of his goodness. It is no wonder therefore that Satan rages: But I trust he will be disappointed of his hope. The Lord make us faithful, and keep us every moment watching unto prayer!
Sunday 18. Glory be to God, I find the fruits of the Spirit encreasing; particularly by means of private prayer. Indeed the enemy thrusts sore at me therein, striving to make me afraid, till I sometimes cry out, “Shall I be afraid to thank and praise my God?” He then presently flies, and immediately the Lord showers down his blessings upon me.
Though I have been kept by sickness from the public means, this has been a sabbath of rest to my soul. I had a solemn, peaceable time in reading, and a glorious time in private prayer, between five and six. And in the evening, the Lord poured his grace on my heart, as the dew upon the tender herb. I never saw so much of his greatness before. Lord, fill me with this awful sense of thy majesty, and let me be kept every moment in that silent heaven of love!
Sunday, November 1. I have kept my bed for some days, being much disordered in body. But, glory be to God, he has many times refreshed my soul with his love: particularly, when I have been favoured with the company of his dear children. When they called upon him in prayer, he was pleased to hear, and answer even while they were calling. In general, I have found calm composure of spirit, a deliverance from my own will, patience and resignation to the will of God, and power in the hour of temptation. But I want more strength of faith and love; for I find the enemy is always watching. And sometimes he comes very near, striving to sow the evil seed again. But, glory be to God, he has saved me yet, though sometimes I have been scarcely saved: So that I see I must live this moment to God, and watch and look to my dear Lord every moment.