Sunday 18. Blessed be God, I have to-day found much life and light in my soul at church. And I had a solemn time, in accompanying the relicks of sister _Harris_ to the grave. We fulfilled our promise, in singing her body to church, as we did her soul to glory. I was afterwards tempted both to lightness and to impatience; but I bless God, I remain in peace and love. My desire is, to know myself as I am known of God, and to live no longer than I live to him.
*Friday 23. Glory be to God, though the enemy rages, I enjoy a calm peace in my soul. But this evening I found little power to pray. I believe it was owing to disorder of body. Yesterday I kept my bed all day. I am still much indisposed. But I was much delighted with the amiableness of Christ. And I saw the great need we have of him, and shall have, when we stand naked before God. I saw the worth of Christ exceedingly, and loathed myself and all my own performances: yet being persuaded, that neither life, nor death, nor things present, nor things to come, should ever separate me from his love.
Tuesday, February 3. I have been confined to my bed by a fever, from Saturday till to-day. I found not much joy, but patience and peace, and sweet tranquility of mind: especially when sister _Pearce_ prayed with me. I found a longing desire to see some of my other sisters. But, when one of them came, I could not speak to her at first, I was so overcome with joy. The Lord blessed us in the afternoon also, when Mr. _Storey_ prayed with us. Glory be to his holy name, for christian conversation; and for all the other helps we enjoy, to make our calling and election sure.
Monday 23. All yesterday and to-day, I have been much disordered by the cholic. At six this evening I bowed before God in prayer, and gave myself up to him. I then resolved to try, whether I could not go to the preaching. I went, and was better after it than before. While I was in strong pain, the enemy thrust sore at me: But I did not give place to him for a moment. Blessed be God for a tender conscience! I find, if ever I speak a word unawares; if it is not right, I see it immediately, and am grieved that I was not more on my guard. Lord, help me to watch and pray every moment, that all my words may be to edification!
Monday, March 2. Blessed be God, for the love I have felt yesterday and to-day, under the preaching of Mr. _Haim_. O may it sink deep in my heart, and spring up into eternal life! I find Satan is continually tempting; but he has no success. I want to be more of a child-like spirit; to live more in Christ, and always near to God.
Thursday 5. My husband and maid both being sick, my body has been much exercised this week. But, glory be to God, I have enjoyed constant peace, and many blessed refreshings. Nor have I found one anxious thought concernings their living or dying.
Sunday 15. God was pleased this week to afflict my body with sickness. I mostly kept my bed. Sometimes I had doubts. Is it not, because I do not speak more to my poor mother? Or because I have taken too much upon me, in being leader of a band? But these doubts did not trouble me so much as the close reflections I had from my husband. Twice I wept concerning it; but then I thought, _the sorrow of the world worketh death_. I looked to the Lord, and he delivered me. And I said to him, Shall I one day see thy face, without a veil between? And shall I stand at thy right hand, in the great day of accounts? And how clear an assurance of it did he give me! I find earnest desires to drink deeper of his Spirit, that I may be always the same, all of a-piece at all times and in all places, and may have a solemn awe resting upon me, in business and company, especially among professors of religion.
Thursday 25. I was much grieved this evening at the stubbornness of my child. Lord, bless the correction, and give her thy grace, whatever thou with-holdest from her! And help me to discharge my duty toward my children, in this and in all things.
Thursday, April 2. I saw more than ever the necessity of simply following my blessed Lord: And the great need of grace rather than gifts; although gifts also are great blessings. Lord, on whomsoever they are bestowed, may they beg thy aid, to use them singly to thy glory. I find an encreasing zeal for God and his people. I long to live more to God, and to have less to do with the world; and am sometimes tempted against my husband, for incumbring himself so much with it. Yet I am thankful to God for these outward blessings: But my whole aim is, to be more devoted to God.