Monday 24. I was calm and serene all this day, and had power to restrain my words. But in the evening I was much tempted, when one told me, Mr. _Mason_ designed to make me leader of a band. I found it hard to leave my sisters, and harder still to undertake so important a charge. When he gave me the paper the next day, I was closely exercised. And when I came to the band, it was a great mountain, and I was full of shame and confusion. But when I began to speak, I found a little freedom, and, blessed be God, he helped my infirmity. Afterwards I found the same power to pray, as if we had been together some time. Lord, bless us together, and let me be always little, and base, and vile in my own eyes!
Friday 28. Glory be to God, this has been a blessed day. My soul has been full of love to the people of God, my band in particular. And the Lord gives me more light into myself, more freedom from wanderings and evil reasonings, and more power to check my own spirit. But O! the mighty void I saw in myself! I never saw it so before. This constrained me to wrestle with the Lord. And he did not send me empty away.
Monday, December 1. Glory be to God, the Sun of Righteousness shone on my soul all the day long. Whenever Satan was nigh, I looked to him, and was instantly saved. He gave me a clear sight of the work of my soul, and a brighter evidence than ever, accompanied with the pure streams of his love pouring down into my heart.
Friday 5. Glory be to God, I found a tender conscience, and power to set the Lord always before me. And I can now enjoy my God in my business, as well as in my duty. My heart is constantly stayed upon him, and I long for more of that living principle within. O that thou wouldst fill me with heaven, with love, with God!
*Saturday 6. I find my soul is, as a well of water, springing up into everlasting life. But I thirst for more. Blessed be God, he does keep my soul in perfect peace, and in the midst of fire and water, give me patience, with an hope full of immortality. But I feel a great soreness of spirit, for those of my family. Lord, give them to know themselves, and direct them in all things! Take the cause into thine hands, and enable me, to stand still, and see the salvation of God.
Tuesday 12. Glory be to God, I enjoy peace and power, in the midst of multitudes and hurry of business. My eye is still single toward the mark of my high calling, and my one desire, to live more to God.
Friday 19. It was a cross to me to rise in the morning, but I was well rewarded for taking it up. I was very lively all day; but in the afternoon was suddenly tempted to lightness; so were all of us who afterwards met in band; but the temptation soon fled away. My soul is alive to God, and only longs to fathom more of the depths of humble love.
Monday 22. My soul’s desire this day has been, to sink down into the depth of humility. I see my helplessness, and feel the want of my Redeemer’s merits every moment. But how often does my own will present itself! Yet it prevails nothing. I want to be always as clay in the hands of the potter, and to be all moulded into love! As far as I know, I do love the Lord with all my heart. But I want to have all vain reasonings destroyed.
Saturday, January 3, 1767. I was greatly blessed to-night, in a weeping state, and mourned before the Lord for the sins of others. Yet at some times, quickness presented itself, but only as a flying cloud. I found a great reverence to-night, while I said, Our Father. May this awful sense of his Majesty rest upon me, wheresoever I go!
Thursday 8. I was tempted to think lightly of my husband, as if he was always asking, but not watching. I was much disordered in body, which weighed down my mind when I waited on the Lord in private. But, on reading the second chapter of _Zechariah_, my soul revived greatly: and I had a lively sense of his sparing mercy; but still more, in talking with a dear friend. I could then see, what a sinner I had been in times past, in wishing for my own will; and could bless the Lord, that not my will, but his, had taken place. O, may a due sense of the love and mercies of God be ever engraven on my heart!
Tuesday 13. Glory be to God for shewing me, I had done amiss, in reproving my husband before company, and for giving me to be humbled on the account, and to acknowledge my fault. And blessed be God for the Christian conversation we have had together this evening, wherein we have seen, what advantage Satan had gained over us in time past. We had power to speak to one another with all freedom, of the state of our souls; and I trust this will be the beginning of happy days between us.