I find he visits me with his love in a particular manner, before any particular trial. A trial I met with this evening caused heaviness for a time: but I was comforted under the sermon. How numberless are thy thoughts of love to my soul! They are more than the sands on the sea shore.
Saturday 21. I found my mind frequently wandering. O thou friend of sinners,
Settle and fix my wav’ring soul With all thy weight of love!
I was variously tempted, and I reasoned with the temptation, which increased it more and more, till Jesus shewed me, it was from an enemy, and graciously delivered me. O teach me wisdom to know his devices, and pardon my unfaithfulness! Strengthen my faith, confirm my hope, and perfect me in love.
Sunday 12. This has been a sabbath of rest to my soul. Glory be to thy great and glorious name, O thou fountain of love! What shall I do to praise thee for thy free grace to the most unfaithful of thy children? O what cause have I to esteem thy word? It is _sweeter than honey or the honey-comb_. I am athirst for all that Christ has purchased for me. I long for more of his meek and lowly mind! The mind that beareth all things: O that every thought may continually rise to thee!
Monday 23. This has been an happy day to me, the most unworthy of thy children. I have had a constant sense of the presence of my Beloved, comforting and refreshing my soul. _I sat under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste._ Yet I see that my wants are many, and that there are heights and depths to be attained here. I am truly ashamed before God of my own unprofitableness. Yet he graciously passes by all my follies, without even upbraiding me. Yea, he applies with power that comfortable promise, _I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in loving-kindness, and faithfulness; and thou shalt know the Lord_. I know thee; but I long to know thee more, O thou that art altogether lovely!
Insatiate to this spring I fly: I drink, and yet am ever dry, Ah! who against such charms is proof? Ah! who that loves, can love enough!
Tuesday 24. I was closely assaulted by the enemy. He pursueth hard after me: but when he _cometh in like a flood, Jesus lifts up a standard against him_. He brought many heavy accusations against me. I durst not stay to reason with him for a moment. But I flew to Jesus as for my life, and cried to him to deliver me. And he did so, by applying that promise to my heart, _My grace is sufficient for thee_. I find it is, even for me. The name of Jesus is a strong tower, where the righteous may always resort. I spent great part of this day in visiting the sick, and found it a blessing to me. How much _better is it, to go to the house of mourning, than to the house of feasting_! How glad should I be of more time to spend among thy afflicted followers? But in this, as in every thing beside, _not mine will, but thine be done_.
Thursday 26. I find this day, thy love is better than life. Thy strength is made perfect in my weakness. I long to be wholly given up to thee. I visited one of our sick friends, and my soul was refreshed with her. To enjoy thy presence on a sick bed, is unspeakable happiness. Then nothing will do, but a real interest in a crucified Redeemer. It is only the blessed experience of this, which then gives true peace, freedom from all anxious care, and resignation in pain. Our anchor is cast within the veil: our hope is full of immortality. O glorious hope of perfect bliss! And am I a partaker of this hope?
O wondrous grace! O boundless love!
Friday 27. O Jesus, what hast thou done for me? What shall I say unto thee? This I can say, that I love thee: and let it be with every faculty of my soul! I do find _thy name as ointment poured forth_. Thou _leadest me in green pastures, by the still waters of comfort_.
When nature fails, and day and night Divide thy works no more, My ever thankful soul, O Lord, Thy goodness shall adore.
Saturday 28. This morning I had a trial, but Jesus stood by me, and kept my mind in peace. Visiting a friend in the evening, I was much comforted. God was with us of a truth. O how full of love are thy thoughts towards me! All things shall work together for my good.
Monday 30. This has been one of my best days. I think I never had before such a sense of the goodness of God to me, and my entire dependence on him. My soul has been upon the stretch for all the fruit of the Spirit. I never saw such beauty in humility, and felt such a desire after it.
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