4. In the beginning of _November_, she seemed to have a foresight of what was coming upon her, and used frequently to sing these words:
“When pain o’er this weak flesh prevails, With lamb-like patience arm my breast.”
And when she sent to let me know she was ill, she wrote in her note, “I suffer the will of Jesus. All he sends is sweetened by his love. I am as happy as if I heard a voice say,
For me my elder brethren stay, And angels beckon me away, And Jesus bids me come.”
5. Upon my telling her, “I can’t chuse life or death for you,” she said, “I asked the Lord, that if it was his will, I might die first; and he told me, you should survive me, and that you should close my eyes.” When we perceived it was the small-pox, I said to her, “My dear, you won’t be frighted, if we tell you what is your distemper.” She said, “I _can’t_ be frighted at _his_ will.”
6. The distemper soon was very heavy upon her: but so much the more was her faith strengthened. Tuesday, _November 16_. She said to me, “I have been worshipping with you before the throne in a glorious manner, my soul was so let into God.” I said, “Did the Lord give you any particular promise?” “No, replied she; it was all
That sacred awe that dares not move, And all the silent heaven of love.”
7. Wednesday 17. Mrs. _C._ said to her, “Is there any thing you think me particularly deficient in?” She answered, “No, love. He will guide you by his eye, and be your only counsellor. All around you is God and heaven. You little know how dearly Jesus loves you.” To Mr. _M._ she said, “I thank God for your preaching. You must still preach simple faith. Man will despise you, but God will love you; and yourself must _believe_.” On Thursday, upon my asking, “What have you to say to me?” She said, “Nay, nothing but what you know already; God is love.” I asked, “Have you any particular promise?” She replied, “I don’t seem to want any. I can live without. I shall die a lump of deformity, but shall meet you all glorious; and mean time, I shall still have fellowship with your spirit.”
8. When Mr. _M――――_ came again, he asked, “What she thought the most excellent _way_ to walk in, and what were its chief _hindrances_?” She answered, “The greatest _hindrance_ is generally from the natural constitution. It was mine, to be reserved, to be very quiet, to suffer much, and to say little. Some may think one _way_ more excellent, and some another. But the thing is, to live in the will of God. For some months past, when I have been peculiarly devoted to this, I have felt such a guidance of his Spirit, and _the unction which I have received from the Holy One, has so taught me of all things_, that I _needed not any man should teach me, save as this anointing teacheth_.”
“When you speak upon acquaintance with Jesus, it is food to the soul. And when you preach of devotedness to God, and living to him, it is the joy of one’s heart.” He asked, “Have you any conviction you shall die?” She answered, “No: only from the disorder. But I feel his will so precious to me, that it is impossible for me to chuse.” He said, “We leave you in our Lord’s hands.” She said, “We shall meet above. I have no doubt of it.”
9. On Friday morning, she said, “I believe I shall die.” She then sat up in her bed, and said, “Lord, I bless thee, that thou art ever with me, and all thou hast is mine. Thy love is greater than my weakness, greater than my helplessness, greater than my unworthiness. Lord, thou _sayest to corruption, thou art my sister_! And glory be to thee, O Jesus, thou art my brother! Let me _comprehend with all saints, the length, and breadth, and depth, and heighth of thy love_! Bless these: (some that were present) Let them be every moment exercised in all things, as thou wouldst have them to be.”
10. Some hours after, it seemed as if the agonies of death were just coming upon her. But her face was full of smiles of triumph, and she clapped her hands for joy. Mrs. _C._ said, “My dear, you are more than conqueror, through the ‘blood of the lamb’.” She answered, “Yes, O yes, sweet Jesus. O death, where is thy sting?” She then lay as in a doze for some time. Afterwards she strove to speak, but could not. However she testified her love, by shaking hands with all in the room. Then she took Miss _M――――_’s hand, with Mrs. _C._ and Mrs. _D――――_’s, and put them to her heart.