MY heart feels pure union with yours. I love you as disinterestedly as I think I can. Sure the Lord is pouring upon you the spirit of sacrificing all to him. I wish you good luck in his name! Go on, my dear friend. Life is a noble thing, while our employment is doing the will of God from the heart. May you clearly see what it is concerning you. I have at present, peace inward and outward. Pray, pray that I may
“Be thankful and humble, But never stand still.”
*I WANT your prayers and advice. I feel myself daily weaker, and more foolish than ever. I am as a little child learning to walk, and cannot go alone. At present I am guided by Jesus, and feel his grace sufficient for me; but there are depths of the Deity I want to fathom. I long to be lost in the immensity of his love!
My soul enjoys peace, solid peace at bottom: but its surface is filled with fights and fears. I am afraid of being too _outward_; I want grace to _deepen_ in my soul. Blessed be God, my every want shall be supplied, from his fulness who filleth all.
MY dear friend gave me another proof of her tenderness, by not upbraiding me with neglect. I think you ought to go to the meetings [on Fridays] by all means: pray for those who speak not according to the law and the testimony. You will feel more deeply the help that is done upon earth: the Lord doth it himself. What is man that he is mindful of him! What is God, that he can be gracious to us! O may our souls every moment know, by a nearer acquaintance with him, that he is love!
You are laid upon my heart to pray for: sure God is faithful to his word, he _will_ hear and answer, and endue your soul with much strength.
“Suffering faith shall brighter grow, As gold when in the furnace tried.”
*I am persuaded your Lord will be with you, and make your weakness more than conquer. He is wonderful in counsel; he has a way in the whirlwind: he cannot mean any thing but mercy to your soul: for he has given himself and all that he counted dear to you! What then would you with-hold from him? Methinks I hear you say, “Nothing. I would offer all I have or am to his will, when I know it is _his_.” And can you doubt this? _Is there an evil in the city, and the Lord hath not done it?_ Can a sparrow fall, or _Shimei_ curse _David_ without permission? Nay, Satan himself can do nothing without leave. O my God, shine on thy servant’s heart, that she may see thy hand of love holds the cup. And if she is called
“To bear the full anguish, The uttermost load, Yet give her to languish And suffer like God!”
My dear friend, what shall I say, to dissuade you from over much sorrow? I can only love you, and speak to Jesus, that he may order your conduct to his glory.
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_May, 1762. Norwich._
JOIN to praise the Lord, who still supports my feebleness of mind, carries all my burdens, and suffers me to desire nothing but his righteous, glorious will. I see infinite wisdom and unfathomable love, in all his dispensations towards me: I can now believe, that all things shall work together for good: I want words to tell you the sense I have of the goodness of God, far better felt than described: I find his consolations sufficient to support me under present difficulties, and am persuaded his grace will be equal to every future trial. I like your proposal, but dare scarce form one plan. May the Lord do with me as is good in his sight!
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To the Reverend Mr. ――――.
_February 21, 1761._
YOUR obliging request lays me under a happy necessity, of calling to mind the past mercies of God. May every review of them bring trust for future blessings, and thankfulness for the present.
*Ever since I can remember, I was desirous of happiness; but I did not seek it in God. I thought if I was religious, I should go to heaven; but I knew not the nature of true religion, and I was unwilling to be under the restraint of that I did know: yet so great a stranger was I to myself, that I often thought, if I knew what God required, I would perform it. At sixteen I was confirmed, and made many resolutions; but they soon wore off. I had a strong impression on my mind, that I should die when I was four and twenty. I reflected on those who were put apprentice seven years to learn a trade, and thought I ought to use like application, to learn the business of eternity.
I went to the sacrament the day I was eighteen, and found uncommon satisfaction: I exhorted others to do the same, thinking I had now done all that was commanded me, and that if I continued in the same way, I should be a very profitable servant.