_Of his religion, and the struggle which he found between nature and grace, till the sixteenth year of his age._
HIS parents (being as has been observed) members of, and strongly attached to the church of _Rome_, brought him up in the same principles and communion, and took care that his mind should be early furnished with the first and fundamental parts of what they judged his duty towards God.
“When (says he) I was young I learned the Lord’s prayer, and _Ave Maria_, in _Irish_, together with the hundred and thirtieth psalm in _Latin_; with the Popish augmentation thereto. And now I began to imbibe that uncharitable, anti-scriptural opinion, that all dissenters from the church of _Rome_ were heretics, and in a state of damnation. But, since the Lord hath enlightened my understanding, I am fully convinced that therein I greatly erred, _not knowing the scriptures, neither the power of God_.
“I cannot but lament the case of those parents, who alas! not knowing what they do, endeavour to instill into the minds of their children such pernicious principles: and I do earnestly intreat all children, as soon as they come to years of discretion, to examine, and judge for themselves.”
It pleased our Lord to work in his heart very early. He made him bear the yoke in his youth, and by his terrors restrained him from excess, and the great offence. “Even while I was young and ignorant (says he) God was striving with me, and often terrified my heart: especially whenever I thought of the day of judgment, and of eternity!
“At those times especially, I frequently repeated the prayers I had learnt. But alas! to how little purpose? While I prayed neither with the spirit, nor with understanding. My heart was hard and stubborn, and my understanding was blind and foolish. I had no just conception either of God, or of religion. Nay, so great was my ignorance, that when I named our Saviour in _Irish_, I thought the name belonged to some woman in heaven.
“While I was thus foolish, and blind (_even as a beast before thee!_) my fallen nature began powerfully to discover itself. The seed of the serpent working in my heart, broke forth in words and in deeds. Now pride, anger, and self-will especially, reigned over me. But alas! I then little knew that those accursed tempers proceeded from that source of universal disorder, and all human miseries, _original sin_. I believed that this had brought temporal death into the world, and great disorder into the whole state of the visible creation: but of its subjecting the soul to spiritual, and exposing it to eternal death, I had no apprehension. I had, it is true, conviction whenever I did amiss; told a lie, or fell into any other outward sin. But the Spirit of God, and the holy scriptures alone, I now plainly see, could convince me that my tempers deserved the damnation of hell. And hitherto I was ignorant of both.
“When I was about eight years old, I began to love play, and divers other silly pleasures, spending the time I was out of school in catching of birds, playing at ball, and the like. My fondness for these occasioned my frequently breaking the sabbath, which I usually spent either in these vain amusements, or in reading some profane history, or other unprofitable book; and indeed no one so much as told me, that these kinds of employments were any violation of the Lord’s day: my parents, like the rest of their neighbours, esteeming them innocent diversions, harmless amusements.
“I did not then know that I ought not on this day _to do mine own pleasure, to speak mine own words_, or think my own thoughts; that I ought to spend it wholly in glorifying God, by praying to him, hearing his word, and reading and meditating therein; _calling the sabbath a delight, the holy of the Lord, honourable_.¹ O the curse of ignorance and evil example! How many souls do these lead into the broad way of destruction! How happy would it have been for my poor soul, if I had known and _remembered my Creator in the days of my youth_! Had I been _brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord_; had I _known the scriptures from my childhood_!² How would it have contributed to prevent my wrong conceptions, and to regulate, at least, in some measure, my whole conduct.
¹ Isaiah lvii. 13.
² Ecclesiastes xii. 1. Ephesians vi. 4. 2 Timothy iii. 15.