“From the tenth to the fourteenth year of my age, my corruptions increased, took deeper root, and more visibly appeared in my whole conversation: and yet I was more regular and conscientious in discharging my duty towards God. (So I was taught to call a dull form of words, part of which only were addressed to God, and the greatest part to saints and angels.) My parents according to custom brought me at the usual times to the priest, who examined me concerning the _Pater Noster_, _Ave Maria_, and _credo in Deum_, with some other rites of the church of _Rome_. But alas! to how little purpose? It made me neither wiser, nor better. Some part, it is true, of what he taught me, was according to the word of God; but the greater part entirely repugnant thereto, and to all truth and righteousness. But I knew not then how to distinguish between the truths of God, and the traditions of men, having had no knowledge of _the law and the testimony_, the only infallible touchstone of doctrine and practice. He might therefore have imposed whatever he pleased upon me; and the rather, as I was taught to believe whatever he said, and to consider it as coming from the mouth of God. Indeed I could not help observing even then, that several of those reverend gentlemen frequently erred in practice: tho’ still I thought they were infallible as to doctrine.
“After this catechising, I became more inquisitive, and began to read books of devotion. These I found for the present had their use. Whenever I read of the passion of our Saviour; the love of God to sinners; the joys of heaven, or the miseries of the damned, my heart became deeply affected; and much desire towards God enkindled in my soul.” But alas! it soon died away again, becoming like the _morning cloud_. The inconstancy and corruption of his heart, easily prevailing over those divine, but transient impressions.
“From the fourteenth to the sixteenth year of my age, I had more of the form, though less of the power of godliness, than even before. I now attended the public worship (that is, went to mass) and every night repeated my prayers, which were indeed no better than vain repetitions. But still, pride, anger, self-will, and revenge more powerfully prevailed over me than ever: and I added to these my former prevailing abominations, lies and evil words. Indeed I had an entire aversion to cursing and swearing in the gross sense; but abounded in petty oaths and bad wishes. Of this sort there are legions in the _Irish_ language;” perhaps more, and more wickedly expressive than in any other language. “Being at play, I remember one day, and provoked by one of my play-fellows, I swore (horror to think!) by the glorious name of Jehovah (to the best of my remembrance I never did so before, nor ever since). In that instant I felt I had grievously sinned against God, and deserved his wrath and heavy displeasure.”
“To the rest of my evils I joined disobedience to my parents. Indeed I dared not shew it outwardly, to my father especially, whom I so dreaded as often to tremble for fear of him. But my heart was hard and stubborn.” One instance of this he mentions which wrought him many a bitter reflection afterwards; for years he hardly ever thought of it without being deeply affected with shame and sorrow. Having one day thro’ his stubbornness greatly provoked his mother, and given her a wicked and impertinent answer, she said to him “You have grieved me.” “It went like an arrow through my heart. I knew the fifth commandment (the fourth indeed I then called it according to the custom of the church of _Rome_) strictly forbids disobedience to parents, and that to honour them, is _the first commandment with promise_. Justly therefore was I condemned. But, O God! How little is it to be wondered at, that I did not rightly love, neither was obedient to my earthly parents, while I knew neither love, nor obedience towards thee, my Father, who art in heaven? Well do I know now (and praised be thy love for this knowledge) that such as are froward towards thee, will, while they remain so, never be truly a comfort to their parents.” They may indeed, pay an outward compliance, and a seemingly dutiful subjection, as is often seen even among professed worldlings; but cordially and disinterestedly to love, honour and reverence our parents, can only be the effect of subjection in heart and life to the _Father of spirits_. So universally true is it, that “A foe to God, was ne’er _true_ friend to man.”