_From his ordination, till he began to preach to the Indians at Crosweeksung._
THURSDAY, June 14. I wondered, that God should open the hearts of any to treat me with kindness: and saw myself to be unworthy of any favour, from God or men. I had much pain in my head; however I determined to set out on my journey towards Delaware; but in the afternoon my pain increased, so that I was obliged to take to my bed; and the night following, I was greatly distressed with pain and sickness, and almost bereaved of reason. On Saturday I was something relieved; but unable to walk, till the Monday following. I often admired the goodness of God, that he did not suffer me to proceed on my journey from this place where I was so tenderly used.――God is very gracious to me, both in health and sickness, and intermingles much mercy with all my afflictions.
[On Tuesday, June 19. He set out, and in three days reached his place, near the Forks of Delaware.]
*Lord’s-day, June 24. I was scarce able to walk: however, visited my Indians, and took much pains to instruct them. But my mind was much burdened with the weight of my work. My whole dependence was on God; who alone I saw could make them willing to receive instruction. My heart was much engaged in prayer, sending up silent requests to God, even while I was speaking to them. O that I could always go in the strength of the Lord!
Monday, June 25. To an eye of reason every thing that respects the conversion of the Heathen is as dark as midnight; and yet I cannot but hope in God, for the accomplishment of something glorious among them. I longed much for the advancement of the Redeemer’s kingdom on earth, and was very fearful lest I should admit some vain thought, and so lose the sense I had of divine things. O for an abiding heavenly temper!
*Tuesday, June 26. I was much discouraged with the extreme difficulty of the work; yet God supported me; and though the work of their conversion appeared “impossible with man, yet with God” I saw “all things were possible.” I was much assisted in prayer, especially for the poor Heathen, and those of my own charge: and hoped that God would bow the heavens and come down for their salvation. It seemed to me, there could be no impediment sufficient to obstruct that glorious work, seeing the living God was engaged for it. I continued solemnly lifting up my heart to God, that I might be more mortified to this world, that my soul might be taken up continually in the advancement of Christ’s kingdom: and longed that God would purge me more, that I might be as a chosen vessel to bear his name among the Heathens.
Wednesday, June 27. In the afternoon, I rode several miles to see if I could procure any lands for the poor Indians, that they might live together, and be under better advantages for instruction. While I was riding, I had a deep sense of the difficulty of my work; and my soul relied wholly upon God for success, in the diligent and faithful use of means. I saw with the greatest certainty, that _the arm of the Lord_ must be _revealed_, for the help of these poor Heathen, if ever they were delivered from the bondage of the powers of darkness.
Thursday, June 28. Towards noon I rode up to the Indians; and while going, my heart went up to God in prayer for them; I could freely tell God, he knew the cause was not mine, but his own, and it would be for his own glory to convert the poor Indians: and blessed be God. I felt no desire of honour from the world, as the instrument of it.
Saturday, June 30. My soul was much solemnized in reading God’s word; especially the ninth chapter of Daniel. *I saw how God had called out his servants to prayer, and made them wrestle with him, when he designed to bestow any great mercy on his church. And I was ashamed of myself, to think of my dulness and inactivity, when there seemed to be so much to do for the upbuilding of Zion. Oh, how does Zion lie waste! I longed, that the church of God might be enlarged: and was enabled to pray in faith; my soul seemed sensibly to confide in God, and was enabled to wrestle with him. Afterwards, I walked abroad to a place of sweet retirement, and enjoyed assistance in prayer again: had a sense of my great need of divine help, and felt my soul sensibly depend on God.