Friday 16. I had reasoning about going to church, whether it was _necessary_ to go so often? But when I brought it to the word of God, I saw, after we have done all, we are unprofitable servants. Lord let me resist him stedfast in the faith.
Thursday 22. Yesterday I was troubled concerning one of our brethren; but resolved to tell no one what I heard, unless himself or his wife. This afternoon they came to my house, and I told them all I had heard. They told me just how the thing was, and I found it was a meer mistake. So Satan was disappointed of his aim, and our love to each other confirmed.
Sunday 25. Hearing of the distress of some of my neighbours, my heart overflowed with thankfulness, to think God had provided me and mine with temporal blessings also. His care was over me in my youth likewise, not leaving me to my own choice. But I praise him above all, for his pardoning love, and for full redemption through the blood of Jesus.
Thursday 29. Glory be to God, I found an unspeakable blessing at the morning preaching, and again in private prayer; but above all, at the meeting of the select society. And, I think, so did every one present. I was at first unwilling to speak; but I knew, not to speak would be grieving the Spirit of God. So I broke through, as did several others: and we were all so filled with consolation, that we could only say,
“Enlarge our heart, to make thee room.”
Thursday, June 5. Glory be to God, that he hath given me a thankful heart, for his love toward me even in my early days! How did his kind hand preserve me, when I did not know him? How did it carry me through the heedless steps of youth, keep me from the malice and intrigues of all my enemies, and at last bring me to his dear self, and to the knowledge of his love! And though the storms now rise high, yet blessed be his name, all is calm within. Lord, be pleased to have pity upon Satan’s instruments, and save their dear souls. I find nothing rises in my heart against them: but I am constrained to mourn for them: especially for those who have known God, and do not live to his glory.
Tuesday 10. I find it a heavy burden to be in the company even of those that are called civil people. But as I am called to take up this cross, may the Lord enable me to bear it. Lord, let me rely wholly on thee. I feel thou art all in all! Thou art my strength, as well as my righteousness. Without thee I can do nothing.
Tuesday 17. I did not enjoy so large a measure of love as I have sometimes done. What is the reason I know not: the Lord pardon me for it, and give me to see that all my doings are as filthy rags in the sight of a pure God: and that I want the precious blood of my Redeemer to interpose for me every moment. I feel the same want of him that ever I did: I believe I am written on the palms of his hands. But still I want more of the life and power of religion: I am hungry and thirsty after this.
Wednesday 18. I was tempted this morning to resentment: but, glory be to God, it could not enter. Lord, search me and prove me, empty me of myself and fill me all with God. For ever wash, and keep me clean, and let Christ be all in all.
Wednesday 25. I found indifference about going to church. I begged of the Lord to direct me, and immediately the reasonings disappeared. In the afternoon I poured out my soul before him, and prayed till I could scarce speak. I long for a closer communion with God, and for more wisdom and understanding in his ways.
Tuesday, July 8. Glory be to God, I am still the monument of his free mercy. Amidst a world of business and hurry, I still enjoy peace, and commune with God, as a man with his friend. I have not so much joy as in time past; but my faith is strong, and I enjoy a calm peace. And when temptation comes as a flood, his spirit lifts up a standard against it. Meeting in band at night, I was quite stript, and felt my nothingness. Glory be to God, that I am out of hell, because his compassions fail not.
*Tuesday 22. Glory be to God, I am still assured that the Lord has given me a clean heart, and renewed a right spirit within me; and I can have no doubt of it, though I am not so overflowed with joy in the means of grace as I have been. But I have a calmness and power which I never had in so great degree, in the midst of the closest trials. Only I am grieved for sinners, and pray that the Lord would pluck them as brands out of the burning.
Friday 25. This evening I have been at the interment of an acquaintance. What nothings we are, and how soon turned to our mother earth? Should not this thought cause us to live in love and peace with all men? And to live as expecting the messenger of death every moment?