In about a week, a poor woman whom I had formerly talked with, coming to ask charity, desired to know, if she might not come when we went to prayers? I told her, she might at seven in the evening. She did so, as did two or three more soon after. We then appointed them to come on Thursday nights. In a little time they were increased to above twenty. We now thought it best, to talk with them, and that as closely as we could. Some were quickly offended and came no more. Some appeared convinced of sin. These we desired to come to us on Tuesday nights; and the second time we met, two of them found peace with God.
A little before this, we judged the time was come to have public preaching here. This was a close trial to _me_, such as few can conceive, unless they have been in the same situation. But I knew, whosoever would not _forsake all_, could not be Christ’s disciple: seeing he had said, _If any man love father or mother more than me, he is not worthy of me_.
We then applied to you, and the next Sunday, May the 25th, Mr. _Murlin_ preached the first sermon. This continued every other Sunday, though not without considerable opposition. In November, Mr. _Morgan_ received twenty-five into the society, and divided them into two classes. Ah Lord! How many of these shall I meet at the resurrection of the just!
But a new scene now opened. The reasons on which I proceeded, I will lay before you as plainly as I can.
From a child I have ever believed, God had appointed me for some work, in which I should be much blest, if I was faithful; but that if I took up with any thing less than I was called to, I should only be saved as by _fire_. Often have I panted after an outward, as well as inward conformity to the will of God; greatly desiring to live as the first Christians did, when _all that believed were of one soul_, and counted not _any of the things they possessed_ their own. But I saw the time was not yet come; yet I could not but believe, in your day something of this kind would be.
When I was about seventeen, the Lord was pleased to shew me, that I was not to build tabernacles here. For none of those ways I had cut out for myself, were such as he had appointed for me. I cannot better describe what I then felt, than by transcribing part of a letter to a friend.
“The Lord has been merciful above all I can ask or think. I found a greater blessing the last time I was in town than ever.”――And within this day or two, I see much more clearly the way in which I ought to walk. The Lord seems to call me to much more activeness, so that I am sometimes ready to cry out, “Lord, what wouldst thou have me to do?” Then I considered, Can I do more for the souls or bodies of those about me? But this does not seem to be the thing. *What I am now led to wish for is, to serve those that are in Christ, both with soul and body. And as soon as the Lord has prepared me for his work, and set me at liberty, my firm resolution is, by the grace of God, to be wholly given up to the church. I plainly see, I have no more to do with the world, than to allow myself the bare necessaries of life. And tho’ it has pleased God, I should not have my living to work for, that is no reason my hands should be idle. I would be as those described by St. _Paul_, _to bring up children, to lodge strangers_, to be ready for the meanest offices, to _relieve the afflicted_, to _visit the fatherless and widows, and diligently follow after every good work_.”
_Epping-Forest, May 23, 1757._
I have ever since found the same impressions on my soul; and when we came to this house, I felt a kind of rest I did not before, as if I was where God would have me to be. But one day reflecting, that we had more room than we wanted, and thinking, whom I should take in to fill it, it was strongly imprest upon my mind, _He that believeth shall not make haste_. Not long after the thought of _bringing up children_ returned. But I was afraid of making haste; till it appeared from many reasons to be the will of God, that we should take in one that offered. Soon after we were induced to receive another, and presently two more. I now saw our family would be an increasing one; as we could not bring up even these children properly, without a person whose constant business it should be, to teach them during the school-hours. For it was impossible we should do it long, while we were necessarily employed in so many other things. I knew this, and the other expences which must attend the keeping six or seven children, would require an hundred a year more than I had. But I remembered again, _The Lord liveth, and truly hitherto he hath helped us_.