_Count._ VIII. To love them only for suffering with them in the same cause. Thus a profane person taken by the Turks may love his fellow-captives who refuse to renounce Christ. And thus a sufferer for an ill cause, or an erroneous sect, may love those that suffer with him above others.
_Count._ IX. To love them only for holding strict and right opinions, while they will not endure to live accordingly. Thus many love the light, that cannot bear the heat and motion; many love an orthodox person, of a sound judgment, that is against looseness and profaneness in his opinion, and do not like the folly of the licentious; who yet like licentious practice best.
_Count._ X. To love them for some parts of godliness only; while some other essential part will not be endured (of which before).
_Count._ XI. To love them in a kind fit only, as Saul with tears professed to do his son David; but to have no habitual, constant love.
_Count._ XII. Lastly, To love godly men a little, and the world and fleshly interest more; to love them only so as will cost them nothing; to wish them fed, but not to feed them; and to wish them clothed, but not to clothe them; and to wish them out of prison, but not to dare to visit them for fear of suffering themselves. He that hath this world's goods, and seeth his brother have need, and shutteth up the bowels of his compassion from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him? 1 John iii. 17. Surely if the love of his brother were in him, the love of God had been in him. But he hath no true love to his brother, that will only love him on terms that cost him little, and cannot give and suffer for his love. All these are deceiving counterfeits of love to the children of God.
_Tit. 6. Cases and Directions for intimate, special Friends._
_Quest._ I. Is it lawful to have an earnest desire to be loved by others? especially by some one person above all other?
_Answ._ There is a desire of others' love which is lawful, and there is a desire which is unlawful.
I. It is lawful, 1. When we desire it as it is their duty, which God himself obligeth them to perform, and so is part of their integrity, and is their own good, and pleaseth God. So parents must desire their children to love them, and one another, because it is their duty, and else they are unnatural and bad. And husband and wife may desire that each other discharge that duty of love which God requireth, and so may all others. 2. It is lawful also to desire for our own sakes to be loved by others; so be it it be, 1. With a calm and sober desire, which is not eager, peremptory, or importunate, nor overvalueth the love of man. 2. According to the proportion of our own worth; not desiring to be thought greater, wiser, or better than indeed we are, nor to be loved erroneously by an overvaluing love. 3. When we desire it for the benefits to which it tendeth, more than to be valued and loved for ourselves: as, 1. That we may receive that edification and good from a friend which love disposeth them to communicate. 2. That we may do that good to our friends, which love disposeth them to receive. 3. That we may honour and please God, who delighteth in the true love and concord of his children.
II. But the unlawful desire of others' love to us, is much more common, and is a sin of a deeper malignity than is commonly observed. This desire of love is sinful, when it is contrary to that before described; as, 1. When we desire it over-eagerly. 2. When we desire it selfishly and proudly, to be set up in the good opinion of others; and not to make a benefit of it to ourselves or them; but our own honour is more desired in it, than the honour of God. 3. When we desire to be thought greater, wiser, or better than we are, and to be loved with such an overvaluing love; and have no desire that the bounds of truth and usefulness should restrain and limit that love to us which we affect. 4. When it is an erroneous, fanciful, carnal, or lustful esteem of some one person, which maketh us desire his love more than others. As because he is higher, richer, fairer, &c.
This eager desire to be overloved by others, hath in it all these aggravations. 1. It is the very sin of pride, which God hath declared so great a detestation of. For pride is an overvaluing ourselves, for greatness, wisdom, or goodness, and a desire to be so overvalued of others. And he that would be overloved, would be overvalued.
2. It is self-idolizing: when we would be loved as better than we are, we rob God of that love which men should render to him, who can never be overloved, and we would fain seem a kind of petty deities to the world, and draw men's eyes and hearts unto ourselves. When we should be jealous of God's interest and honour, lest we or any creature should have his due, this proud disposition maketh people set up themselves in the estimation of others, and they scarce care how good or wise they are esteemed, nor how much they are lifted up in the hearts of others.