3. And it is a very common thing, for passionate women and young people, when they are newly converted, to think that they can never too much value, and honour, and love those that converted them; and to think that all such love is holy and from God; whereas the same love may be of God as to the principle, motives, and ends, in the main, and yet may have great mixtures of passionate weakness, and sinful excess, which may tend to their great affliction in the end. Some that have been converted by the writings of a minister a hundred or a thousand miles off, must needs go see the author: some must needs remove from their lawful dwellings and callings, to live under the ministry of such a one; yea, if it may be, in the house with him: some have affections so violent, as proveth a torment to them when they cannot live with those whom they so affect: some by that affection are ready to follow those that they so value into any error. And all this is a sinful love by this mixture of passionate weakness, though pious in the main.
_Quest._ IX. Why should we restrain our love to a bosom friend (contrary to Cicero's doctrine)? And what sin or danger is in loving him too much?
_Answ._ All these following: 1. It is an error of judgment and of will, to suppose any one better than he is, (yea, perhaps than any creature on earth is,) and so to love him.
2. It is an irrational act, and therefore not fit for a rational creature, to love any one further than reason will allow us, and beyond the true causes of regular love.
3. It is usually a fruit of sinful selfishness: for this excess of love doth come from a selfish cause, either some strong conceit that the person greatly loveth us, or for some great kindness which he hath showed us, or for some need we have of him, and fitness appearing in him to be useful to us, &c. Otherwise it would be purely for amiable worth, and then it would be proportioned to the nature and measure of that worth.
4. It very often taketh up men's minds, so as to hinder their love to God, and their desires and delights in holy things: while Satan (perhaps upon religious pretences) turneth our affections too violently to some person, it diverteth them from higher and better things: for the weak mind of man can hardly think earnestly of one thing, without being alienated in his thoughts from others; nor can hardly love two things or persons fervently at once, that stand not in pure subordination one to the other: and we seldom love any fervently in a pure subordination to God; for then we should love God still more fervently.
5. It oft maketh men ill members of the church and commonwealth. For it contracteth that love to one overvalued person, which should be diffused abroad among many; and the common good, which should be loved above any single person, is by this means neglected (as God himself): which maketh wives, and children, and bosom friends become those gulfs that swallow up the estates of most rich men; so that they do little good with them to the public state, which should be preferred.
6. Over-much friendship engageth us in more duty than we are well able to perform, without neglecting our duty to God, the commonwealth, and our own souls. There is some special duty followeth all special acquaintance; but a bosom friend will expect a great deal. You must allow him much of your time in conference, upon all occasions; and he looketh that you should be many ways friendly and useful to him, as he is or would be to you. When, alas, frail man can do but little: our time is short; our strength is small; our estates and faculties are narrow and low. And that time which you must spend with your bosom friend; where friendship is not moderated and wisely managed, is perhaps taken from God and the public good, to which you first owed it. Especially if you are magistrates, ministers, physicians, schoolmasters, or such other as are of public usefulness. Indeed if you have a sober, prudent friend, that will look but for your vacant hours, and rather help you in your public service, you are happy in such a friend. But that is not the excess of love that I am reprehending.