"An old man and his young son were driv- ing an ass before them to the next market to sell. ' Why have you no more wit/ says one to the man upon the way, ' than you and your son to trudge it a-foot, and let the ass go light ? ' So the old man set his son upon the ass, and footed it himself. * Why, sirrah/ says another after this, to the boy, * ye lazy rogue, you, must you ride, and let your old father go a-foot ? ' The old man upon this took down his son, and got up him- self. ' Do you see/ says a third, ' how the lazy old knave rides himself, and the poor young fellow has much ado to creep after him ? ' The father, upon this, took up his son behind him. The next they met asked the old man whether the ass were his own or no? He said, 'Yes/ * Troth, there's little sign on't/ says the other, 'by your loading him thus/ • Well,' says the old man to himself, ' and what am I to do now ? for I'm laughed at, if either the ass be empty, or if one of us rides, or both;' and so he came to the conclusion to bind the ass's legs together with a cord, and they tried to carry him to market with a pole upon their shoulders, betwixt them. This was sport to 3
34 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
everybody that saw it, inasmuch that the old man in great wrath threw down the ass into a river, and so went his way home again. The good man, in fine, was willing to please everybody, but had the ill fortune to please nobody, and lost his ass into the bargain."
He who will not go to bed till he pleases everbody will have to sit up a great many nights. Many men, many minds; many women, many whims ; and so if we please one we are sure to set another grumbling. We had better wait till they are all of one mind before we mind them, or we shall be like the man who hunted many hares at once and caught none. Besides, the fancies of men alter, and folly is never long pleased with the same thing, but changes its palate, and grows sick of what it doted on. Will Shep- herd says he once tried to serve two masters, but, says he, " I soon had enough of it, and I declared that, if I was pardoned this once, the next time they caught me at it they might pickle me in salt and souse me in boiling vinegar."
" He who would general favor win And not himself offend,
THE OLD MAN AND HIS DONKEY. S5
To-day the task he may begin, He'll never, never end."
If we dance to every fiddle we shall soon be lame in both legs. Good nature may be a great misfortune if we do not mix prudence with it.
He that all men would please Shall never find ease.
It is right to be obliging, but we are not obliged to be every man's lackey. Put your hand quickly to your hat, for that is courtesy ; but don't bow your head at every man's bidding, for that is slavery. He who hopes to please all should first fit the moon with a suit of clothes, or fill a bottomless barrel with buckets with their hoops off. To live upon the praises of others is to feed on the air ; for what is praise but the breath of men's nostrils ? That's poor stuff to make a dinner of. To set traps for claps, and to faint if you don't get them, is a child- ish thing ; and to change your.coat to please new company is as mean as dirt. Change for the better as often as you like, but mind it is better before you change. Tom of
36 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES,
Bedlam never did a madder thing than he who tried to please a thousand masters at once : one is quite enough. If a man pleases God he may let the world wag its own way, and frown or flatter, as the maggot bites. What is there, after all, to frighten a man in a fool's grin, or in the frown of a poor mortal like yourself? If it mattered at all what the world says of us, it would be some comfort that when a good man is buried people say, " He was not a bad fellow after all." When the cow is dead we hear how much milk she gave. When the man's gone to heaven folks know their loss, and wonder how it was they did not treat him better.
The way of pleasing men is hard, but blessed are they who please God. He is not a free man who is afraid to think for him- self, for if his thoughts are in bonds the man is not free. A man of God is a manly man. A true man does what he thinks to be right, whether the pigs grunt or the dogs howl. Are you afraid to follow out your conscience because Tom, Jack, and Harry, or Mary Ann and Betsy, would laugh at you ? Then you are not the seventy-fifth cousin to John Ploughman, who goes on
THE OLD MAN AND HIS DONKEY. 37
his way whistling merrily, though many find fault with himself, and his plough, and his horses, and his harness, and his boots, and his coat, and his waistcoat, and his hat, and his head, and every hair on it. John says it amuses them and doesn't hurt him ; but depend on it you will never catch John or his boys carrying the donkey.
ALL ARE NOT HUNTERS THAT BLOW THE HORN.
HE does not look much like a hunter ! Nimrod would never own him. But how he blows ! Goodness, gracious, what a row ! as the linnet said when he
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A HORN-BL O WER, BUT NOT A HUNTER. 39
heard a donkey singing his evening hymn. There's more goes to ploughing than know- ing how to whistle, and hunting is not all tally-ho and horn-blowing. Appearances are deceitful. Outward show is not every- thing. All are not butchers that carry a steel, and all are not bishops that wear aprons. You must not buy goods by the label ; for I have heard that the finer the trade-mark the worse the article. Never have we seen more horn or less hunter than in our picture. Blow away, my hearty, till your toes look out of your boots ; there's no fear of your killing either fox or stag !
Now, the more people blow, the more they may, but he is a fool who believes all they say. As a rule, the smallest boy car- ries the biggest fiddle, and he who makes most boast has least roast. He who has least wisdom has most vanity. John Lack- land is wonderfully fond of being called Esquire, and there's none so pleased at be- ing dubbed a doctor as the man who least deserves it. Many a D.D. is fiddle-dee-dee. I have heard say, " Always talk big and somebody will think you great," but my old friend Will Shepherd says, " Save your
40 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
wind for running up a hill, and don't give us big words off a weak stomach. Look," said he once to me, " There's Solomon Braggs holding up his head like a hen drinking water, but there's nothing in it. With him it's much din and little done."
" Of all speculations the market holds forth, The best that I know for a lover of pelf, Were to buy up this Braggs at the price he is worth, And sell him — at that which he sets on himself."
Before honor is humility, but a prating fool shall fall, and when he falls very few will be in a hurry to pick him up.
A long tongue generally goes with a short hand. We are most of us better at saying than doing. We can all tattle away from the battle, but many fly when the fight is nigh. Some are all sound and fury, and when they have bragged their brag all is over, and amen. The fat Dutchman was the wisest pilot in Flushing, only he never went to sea ; and the Irishman was the finest rider in Connaught, only he would never trust himself on a horse, because, as he said, " he generally fell off before he got on." A bachelor's wife is always well managed, and old maids always bring up
A HORN-BLOWER, BUT NO TA HUNTER. 41
their children in prime style. We think we can do what we are not called to, and if by chance the thing falls to our lot we do worse than those we blamed. Hence it is wise to be slow in foretelling what we will do, for —
" Thus saith the proverb of the wise, ' Who boasteth least tells fewest lies.' "
There is another old rhyme which is as full of reason as a pod is full of peas, —
" Little money is soonest spended ; Fewest words are soonest mended."
Of course, every potter praises his own pot, and we can all toot a little on our own trumpet, but some blow as if nobody ever had a horn but themselves. "After me the flood," says the mighty big man, and whether it be so or no we have floods enough while he lives. I mean floods of words, words, words, enough to drown all your senses. O that the man had a mouth big enough to say all he has to say at one go, and have done with it ; but then one had need get to the other end of the world till his talk had run itself dry. O for a quiet hay-loft, or a saw-pit, or a dungeon,
42 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
where the sound of the jawbone would no more be heard. They say a brain is worth little if you have not a tongue; but what is a tongue worth without a brain ? Bellow- ing is all very well, but the cow for me is that which fills the pail. A braying ass eats little hay, and that's a saving in fodder; but a barking dog catches no game, and that's a loss to the owner. Noise is no profit, and talk hinders work.
When a man's song is in his praise, let the hymn be short metre, and let the tune be in the minor key. He who talks for ever about himself has a foolish subject, and is likely to worry and weary all around him. Good wine needs no bush, and a man who can do well seldom boasts about it. The emptiest tub makes the loudest noise. Those who give themselves out to be fine shots kill very few birds, and many a crack ploughman does a shorter day's work than plain John, though he is nothing off the common ; and so on the whole it is pretty clear that the best huntsmen are not those who are for everlastingly blowing the horn.
A HANDSAW IS A GOOD THING, BUT NOT TO SHAVE WITH.
OUR friend will cut more than he will eat, and shave off something more than hair, and then he will blame the saw. His brains don't lie in his beard, nor yet in
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44 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
the skull above it, or he would see that his saw will only make sores. There's sense in choosing your tools, for a pig's tail will never make a good arrow, nor will his ear make a silk purse. You can't catch rabbits with drums, nor pigeons with plums. A good thing is not good out of its place. It is much the same with lads and girls; you can't put all boys to one trade, nor send all girls to the same service. One chap will make a London clerk, and another will do better to plough, and sow, and reap, and mow, and be a farmer's boy. It's no use forcing them ; a snail will never run a race, nor a mouse drive a wagon.
" Send a boy to the well against his will, The pitcher will break and the water spill. "
With unwilling hounds it is hard to hunt hares. To go against nature and inclina- tion is to row against wind and tide. They say you may praise a fool till you make him useful : I don't know so much about that, but I do know that if I get a bad knife I generally cut my finger, and a blunt axe is more trouble than profit. No, let me shave with a razor if I shave at all, and
DON'T SHAVE WITH A HANDSAW. 45
do my work with the best tools I can get.
Never set a man to work he is not fit for, for he will never do it well. They say that if pigs fly they always go with their tails forward, and awkward workmen are much the same. Nobody expects cows to catch crows, or hens to wear hats. There's reason in roasting eggs, and there should be reason in choosing servants. Don't put a round peg into a square hole, nor wind up your watch with a cork-screw, nor set a tender- hearted man to whip wife-beaters, nor a bear to be a relieving-officer, nor a publican to judge of the licensing laws. Get the right man in the right place, and then all goes as smooth as skates on ice ; but the wrong man puts all awry, as the sow did when she folded the linen.
It is a temptation to many to trust them with money ; don't put them to take care of it if you ever wish to see it again. Never set a cat to watch cream, nor a pig to gather peaches, for if the cream and the peaches go a-missing you v/ill have yourself to thank for it. It is a sin to put people where they are likely to sin. If you be-
46 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
lieve the old saying, that when you set a beggar on horseback he will ride to the devil, don't let him have a horse of yours.
If you want a thing well done do it your- self, and pick your tools. It is true that a man must row with such oars as he has, but he should not use the boat-hook for a paddle. Take not the tongs to poke the fire, nor the poker to put on the coals. A newspaper on Sunday is as much out of place as a warming-pan on the first of August, or a fan on a snowy day : the Bible suits the Sabbath a deal better.
He who tries to make money by betting uses a wrong tool, and is sure to cut his fingers. As well hope to grow golden pip- pins on the bottom of the sea as to make gain among gamblers if you are an hon- est man. Hard work and thrifty habits are the right razor, gambling is a hand- saw.
Some things want doing gently, and tell- ing a man of his faults is one of them. You would not fetch a hatchet to break open an egg, nor kill a fly on your boy's fore- head with a sledge-hammer, and so you must not try to mend your neighbor's
DON'T SHAVE WITH A HANDSAW. 47
little fault by blowing him up sky-high. Never fire off a musket to kill a midge, and don't raise a hue and cry about the half of nothing.
Do not throw away a saw because it is not a razor, for it will serve your turn another day, and cut your ham-bone if it won't shave off your stubble. A whet- stone, though it cannot cut, may sharpen a knife that will. A match gives little light itself, but it may light a candle to brighten up the room. Use each thing and each man according to common sense and you will be uncommonly sensible. You don't milk horses nor ride cows, and by the same rule you must make of every man what he is meant for, and the farm will be as right as a trivet.
Everything has its use, but no one thing is good for all purposes. The baby said, " The cat crew and the cock rocked the cradle," but old folks knew better : the cat is the best at mousing and the cock at rousing. That's for that, as salt is for her- rings, and sugar for gooseberries, and Nan for Nicholas. Don't choose your tools by their looks, for that's best which does best.
48 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
A silver trowel lays very few bricks. You cannot curry a horse with a tortoise-shell comb, or fell oaks with a pen-knife, or open oysters with a gold tooth-pick. Fine is not so good as fit when work is to be done. A good workman will get on pretty well with a poor tool, and a brave soldier never lacks a weapon : still, the best is good enough for me, and John Plough- man does not care to use a clumsy tool because it looks pretty. Better ride on an ass that carries you than on a steed which throws you; it is far better to work with an old-fashioned spade which suits your hand than with a new-fangled invention you don't understand.
In trying to do good to your fellow-men the gospel is out of sight the best instru- ment to work with. The new doctrine which they call " modern thought " is nothing bet- ter than a handsaw, and it won't work a bit. This fine new nothing of a gospel would not save a mouse, nor move the soul of a tom- tit ; but the glorious gospel of Jesus Christ is suited to man's need, and by God's grace does its work famously. Let every preacher and teacher keep to it, for they will never
DON'T SHAVE WITH A HANDSAW. 49
find a better. Try to win men with its lov- ing words and precious promises, and there's no fear of labor in vain. Some praise the balm of Gilead, or man's morality; many try the Roman salve, or the oil of Baby- lon ; and others use a cunning ointment mixed by learned philosophers ; but for his own soul's wounds, and for the hurts of others, John Ploughman knows but one cure, and that is given gratis by the good Physician to all who ask for it. A humble faith in Christ Jesus will soon bring you this sovereign remedy. Use no other, for no other is of use.
DON'T CUT OFF YOUR NOSE TO SPITE YOUR FACE.
ANGER is a short madness. The less we do when we go mad the better for everybody, and the less we go mad the better for ourselves. He is far gone who (50)
DON'T CUT OFF YOUR NOSE. 51
hurts himself to wreak his vengeance on others. The old saying is " Don't cut off your head because it aches," and another says " Set not your house on fire to spite the moon." If things go awry, it is a poor way of mending to make them worse, as the man did who took to drinking because he could not marry the girl he liked. He must be a fool who cuts off his nose to spite his face, and yet this is what Dick did when he had vexed his old master, and be- cause he was chid must needs give up his place, throw himself out of work, and starve his wife and family. Jane had been idle, and she knew it, but sooner than let her mistress speak to her, she gave warn- ing, and lost as good a service as a maid could wish for. Old Griggs was wrong, and could not deny it, and yet because the parson's sermon fitted him rather close, he took the sulks and vowed he would never hear the good man again. It was his own loss, but he wouldn't listen to reason, but was as wilful as a pig.
Do nothing when you are out of temper, and then you will have less to undo. Let a hasty man's passion be a warning to you ;
52 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
if he scalds you, take heed that you do not let your own pot boil over. Many a man has given himself a box on the ear in his blind rage, ay, and ended his own life out of spite. He who cannot curb his temper carries gunpowder in his bosom, and he is neither safe for himself nor his neighbors. When passion comes in at the door, what little sense there is indoors flies out at the window. By-and-by a hasty man cools and comes to himself, like MacGibbon's gruel when he put it out of the window, but if his nose is off in the meantime, who is to put it on again ? He will only be sorry once and that will be all the rest of his life. Anger does a man more hurt than that which made him angry. It opens his mouth and shuts his eyes, and fires his heart, and drowns his sense, and makes his wisdom folly. Old Tompkins told me that he was sorry that he lost his temper, and I could not help thinking that the pity was that he ever found it again, for it was like an old shoe with the sole gone and the upper leathers worn out, only fit for a dung- hill. A hot-tempered man would be all the better for a new heart, and a right spirit.
DON'T CUT OFF YOUR NOSE. 53
Anger is a fire which cooks no victuals, and comforts no household : it cuts and curses and kills, and no one knows what it may- lead to ; therefore, good reader, don't let it lodge in your bosom, and if it ever comes there, pass the vagrant on to the next parish.
Gently, gently, little pot,
Why so hasty to be hot ?
Over you will surely boil,
And I know not what you'll spoil.
The old gent in our picture has a fine nose of his own, and though he will be a fool to cut it off, he would be wise to cut off the supplies which have made it such a size. That glass and jug on the table are the paint-pots that he colors his nose with, and everbody knows, whether he knows it or knows it not, that his nose is the out- ward and visible sign of a good deal of in- ward and spirituous drink, and the sooner he drops his drops the better. So here we will cut off, not our nose, but the present subject.
HE HAS A HOLE UNDER HIS NOSE AND HIS MONEY RUNS INTO IT.
THIS is the man who is always dry, be- cause he takes so much heavy wet. He is a loose fellow who is fond of getting tight. He is no sooner up than his nose is (54)
THE HOLE UNDER THE NOSE. 55
in the cup, and his money begins to run down the hole which is just under his nose. He is not a blacksmith, but he has a spark in his throat, and all the publican's barrels can't put it out. If a pot of beer is a yard of land, he must have swallowed more acres than a ploughman could get over for many a day, and still he goes on swallow- ing until he takes to wallowing. All goes down Gutter Lane. Like the snipe, he lives by suction. If you ask him how he is, he says he would be quite right if he could moisten his mouth. His purse is a bottle, his bank is the publican's till, and his casket is a cask : pewter is his precious metal, and his pearl* is a mixture of gin and beer. The dew of his youth comes from Ben Nevis, and the comfort of his soul is cordial gin. He is a walking barrel, a living drain-pipe, a moving swill-tub. They say " loth to drink and loth to leave off," but he never needs persuading to begin, and as to ending — that is out of the ques- tion while he can borrow two-pence. This is the gentleman who sings —
* Purl.
56 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
He that buys land buys many stones, He that buys meat buys many bones, He that buys eggs buys many shells, He that buys good ale buys nothing else.
He will never be hanged for leaving his drink behind him. He drinks in season and out of season : in summer because he is hot, and in winter because he is cold. A drop of beer never comes too soon, and he wrould get up in the middle of the night for more, only he goes to bed too tipsy. He has heard that if you get wet-footed a glass of whisky in your boots will keep you from catching cold, and he argues that the best way to get one glass of the spirit into each boot is to put two doses where it will run into your legs. He is never long without an excuse for another pot, or if per- chance he does not make one, another lush- ington helps him.
Some drink when friends step in, And some when they step out ; Some drink because they're thin, And some because they're stout.
Some drink because 'tis wet, And some because 'tis dry; Some drink another glass To wet the other eye.
THE HOLE UNDER THE NOSE. 57
Water is this gentleman's abhorrence, whether used inside or out, but most of all he dreads it taken inwardly, except with spirits, and then the less the better. He says that the pump would kill him, but he never gives it a chance. He laps his liquor, and licks his chaps, but he will never die through the badness of the water from the well. It is a pity that he does not run the risk. Drinking cold water neither makes a man sick, nor in debt, nor his wife a widow, but this mighty fine ale of his will do all this for him, make him worse than a beast while he lives, and wash him away to his grave before his time. The old Scotchman said, " Death and drink-draining are near neigh- bors," and he spoke the truth. They say that drunkenness makes some men fools, some beasts, and some devils, but according to my mind it makes all men fools whatever else it does. Yet when a man is as drunk as a rat he sets up to be a judge, and mocks at sober people. Certain neighbors of mine laugh at me for being a teetotaller, and I might well laugh at them for being drunk, only I feel more inclined to cry that they should be such fools. O that we could get
58 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
them sober, and then perhaps we might make men of them. You cannot do much with these fellows, unless you can enlist them in the Coldstream guards.
He that any good would win At his mouth must first begin.
As long as drink drowns conscience and reason, you might as well talk to the hogs. The rascals will promise fair and take the pledge, and then take their coats to pledge to get more beer. We smile at a tipsy man, for he is a ridiculous creature, but when we see how he is ruined body and soul it is no joking matter. How solemn is the truth that " No drunkard shall inherit eternal life." There's nothing too bad for a man to say or do when he is half-seas over. It is a pity that any decent body should go near such a common sewer. If he does not fall into the worst of crimes it certainly is not his fault, for he has made himself ready for anything the devil likes to put into his mind. He does least hurt when he begins to be topheavy, and to reel about: then he be- comes a blind man with good eyes in his head, and a cripple with legs on. He sees
THE HOLE UNDER THE NOSE. 59
two moons, and two doors to the public- house, and tries to find his way through both the doors at once. Over he goes, and there he must lie unless somebody will wheel him home in a barrow or carry him to the police-station.
Solomon says the glutton and the drunk- ard shall come to poverty, and that the drinker does in no time. He gets more and more down at the heel, and as his nose gets redder and his body is more swollen he gets to be more of a shack and more of a shark. His trade is gone, and his credit has run out, but he still manages to get his beer. He treats an old friend to a pot, and then finds that he has left his purse at home, and of course the old friend must pay the shot. He borrows till no one will lend him a groat, unless it is to get off lending a shilling. Shame has long since left him, though all who know him are ashamed of him. His talk runs like the tap, and is full of stale dregs : he is very kind over his beer, and swears he loves you, and would like to drink your health, and love you again. Poor sot, much good will his bless- ing do to any one who gets it; his poor
60 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
wife and family have had too much of it already, and quake at the very sound of his voice.
Now, if we try to do anything to shut up a boozing-house, or shorten the hours for guzzling, we are called all sorts of bad names, and the wind-up of it all is — "What! Rob a poor man of his beer? " The fact is that they rob the poor man by his beer. The ale-jug robs the cupboard and the table, starves the wife and strips the children ; it is a great thief, housebreaker, and heart- breaker, and the best possible thing is to break it to pieces, or keep it on the shelf bottom upwards. In a newspaper which was lent me the other day I saw some verses by John Barleycorn, jun., and as they tickled my fancy I copied them out, and here they are.
What ! rob a poor man of his beer, And give him good victuals instead !
Your heart's very hard, sir, I fear, Or at least you are soft in the head.
What ! rob a poor man of his mug, And give him a house of his own ;
With kitchen and parlor so snug !
'Tis enough to draw tears from a stone.
THE HOLE UNDER THE NOSE. 61
What ! rob a poor man of his glass, And teach him to read and to write !
What ! save him from being an ass ! 5Tis nothing but malice and spite.
What ! rob a poor man of his ale,
And prevent him from beating his wife,
From being locked up in a jail, With penal employment for life!
What ! rob a poor man of his beer, And keep him from starving his child !
It makes one feel awfully queer,
And I'll thank you to draw it more mild.
Having given you a song, I now hand you a handbill to stick up in the " Rose and Crown " window, if the landlord wants an advertisement. It was written many years ago, but it is quite as good as new. Any beer-seller may print it who thinks it likely to help his trade —
DRUNKARDS, READ THIS!
DRUNKENNESS
EXPELS REASON,
DISTEMPERS THE BODY,
DIMINISHES STRENGTH, INFLAMES THE BLOOD; INTERNAL 1
ESjE™RNAL WOUNDS; I INCURABLE I
A WITCH TO THE SENSES,
A DEMON TO THE SOUL,
A THIEF TO THE PURSE,
A GUIDE TO BEGGARY, LECHERY, & VILLAINY.
IT IS
THE WIFE'S WOE, and THE CHILDREN'S SORROW.
MAKES A MAN
WALLOW WORSE THAN A BEAST, and ACT LIKE A FOOL.
HE IS
A SELF-MURDERER; WHO DRINKS TO ANOTHER'S GOOD HEALTH,
AND
ROBS HIMSELF OF HIS OWN.
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EVERY MAN SHOULD SWEEP BE- FORE HIS OWN DOOR.
HE is a wise man who has wit enough for his own affairs. It is a common thing for people to mind Number One, but not so common to see people mend it
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64 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
When it comes to spending money on labor or improvements, they think that re- pairs should begin at Number Two, and Number Three, and go on till all the houses up to Number Fifty are touched up before any hint should be given to Number One. Now, this is very stupid, for if charity should begin at home, certainly reformation should begin there too. It is a waste of time to go far away to make a clearance, there's nothing like sweeping the snow from your own door. Let every dog carry his own tail. Mind your own business, and mend your own manners, and if every man does the same all will be minded and mend- ed, as the old song says :
" Should every man defend his house, Then all would be defended ; If every man would mend a man, Then all mankind were mended. "
A man who does not look well to his own concerns is not fit to be trusted with other people's. Lots of folks are so busy abroad that they have no time to look at home. They say the cobbler's wife goes barefoot, and the baker's child gets no buns, and the
SWEEP BEFORE YOUR OWN DOOR, 65
sweep's house has sooty chimneys. This comes of a man's thinking that he is every- body except himself. All the wit in the world is not in one head, and therefore the wisest man living is not bound to look after all his neighbors' matters. There are wonderful people about whose wisdom would beat Solomon into fits ; and yet they have not sense enough to keep their own ket- tle from boiling over. They could manage the nation, and yet can't keep their boys out of the farmer's orchard ; they could teach the parson, but they can't learn themselves. They poke their noses into other people's concerns, where they are as welcome as water in one's shoes, but as for setting their own house to rights, they like the job about as much as a pig likes having a ring put in his nose. The meddlesome man will not begin to darn his own stockings because he has left his needle sticking in his cousin's socks : he will be as grey as grannum's cat before he improves, and yet he struts like a crow in a gutter, and thinks himself cock of the walk.
A man's own selfishness and conceit
66 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
ought to make him see to his own ways if nothing else does.
There's but one wise man in the world,
And who d'ye think it be ? 'Tis this man, that man, t'other man,
Every man think's 'tis he.
Now, if this be so, why does not this wise man do the wise thing and set his own wise self in the way of growing wiser ? Every cat cleans its own fur, and licks its own kit- tens : when will men and women mind their own minds, and busy themselves with their own business ? Boil your own pota- toes, and let me roast mine if I like ; I won't do it with your firing. " Every man to his tent " was the old cry in Israel, and it's not a bad one for England, only Nelson gave us a better —
ENGLAND EXPECTS EVERY MAN TO DO HIS DUTY.
SCANT FEEDING OF MAN OR
HORSE IS SMALL PROFIT AND
SURE LOSS.
WHAT is saved out of the food of cattle is a dead loss, for a horse can't work if he is not fed. If an animal won't
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68 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
pay for keeping he won't pay for starving. Even the land yields little if it is not nour- ished, and it is just the same with the poor beast. You might as well try to run a steam- engine without coals, or drive a water-mill without water, as work a horse without put- ting corn into him. Thomas Tusser, who wrote a book upon " Husbandry " in the olden time, said,
u Who starveth his cattle, and weareth them out By carting and ploughing, his gain I much doubt ; But he that in labor doth use them aright Has gain to his comfort, and cattle in plight."
Poor dumb animals cannot speak for them- selves, and therefore every one who has his speech should plead for them. To keep them short of victuals is a crying shame. The one in our picture seems to be thoroughly broken in : look at his knees ! His owner ought to be flogged at the cart tail. I hate cruelty, and above all things the cruelty which starves the laboring beast.
A right good man is good to all, And stints not table, rack, or stall ; Not only cares for horse and hog, But kindly thinks of cat and dog.
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Is not a man better than a beast ? Then, depend upon it, what is good for the ploughing horse is good for the ploughing boy : a belly full of plain food is a wonder- ful help to a laboring man. A starving workman is a dear servant. If you don't pay your men, they pay themselves, or else they shirk their work. He who labors well should be fed well, especially a ploughman.
" Let such have enow That follow the plough."
There would be no bread if it were not for the ploughman : would you starve the man who is the very bottom and beginning of everything ? John never brags, but he thinks well of his calling, and thinks well of those who pay well : as for those who grind the faces of the poor, the more John thinks of them the less he thinks of them. A man may live upon little, but Farmer Gripper thinks we can live upon nothing, which is a horse of another color. I can't make out why the land cannot afford to keep those who work on it, for it used to do so. Tom Tusser wrote three hundred years ago,
70 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
" Good ploughmen look weekly, of custom and right, For roast meat on Sundays, and Thursdays at night. Thus doing and keeping such custom and guise, They call thee good huswife, they love thee likewise."
This is what he writes to the farmer's wife about the ploughmen who lived at the farm house, but he has a bit to say for the other fellows and their privileges. About the harvest supper he says,
" In harvest time, harvest folk, servants, and all, Should make all together good cheer in the hall."
I wish they would, but then they are so apt to drink. Could we not have a feast with- out the beer and the headaches ? This is old Tom's writing about the harvest supper, and so on, —
II For all this good feasting, yet art thou not loose, Till ploughman thou givest his harvest home goose. Though goose go in stubble, I pass not for that, Let Giles have a goose, be she lean, be she fat."
I fancy I see old Gripper giving Giles a goose : he would think Giles a green goose if he were to hint at it. Gripper is a close shaver ; where he grazes no goose could pick up a living after him. He does not
DULY FEED MAN AND STEED. 71,
know what his lean laborers say of him, but he might guess, for a hungry man is an angry man, and an empty belly makes no compliments. As for lazy fellows who will eat till they sweat and work till they freeze, I don't mind what short commons they get ; but a real hard-working man ought to be able to get for a day's work enough to keep himself and family from hunger. If this cannot be done, something is wrong some- where, as the man said when he sat down on a setting of eggs. I am not going to blame the farmers, or the landlords, or the Parliament men, or anybody ; but the land is good, and yields plenty for man and beast, and neither horse nor man should be starved.
There is no gain in being niggardly to your cattle. I have known men buy old screws of horses and feed them badly, and yet pay more in the long run for ploughing than the owner of a good team who gave out a fair allowance. The poor things can't work if they don't eat. As I said before, I speak up for the horses because they can't speak for themselves. All they can say, however, goes to prove what I have written :
72 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
ask them if they can plough well when they get bad corn, and little of it, and they an- swer with a neigh.
As for the men, I wish they were, all round, a more deserving set, but I am obliged to own that a many are better at grubbing than ploughing. I would say to them, " Do good work, and then ask for good wages." I am afraid that many are not worth more than they get. Our old master used to say to Crawley Jones —
" You feed so fast, and walk so very slow — Eat with your legs, and with your grinders go."
But then, if Jones was a slow man, he certainly had slow pay. He did not seethe fun of working to the tune of twenty shill- ings when he had only ten. If he had done more, master would have given him more, but Jones couldn't see that, and so he mouched about, doing next to nothing, and got next to nothing for it. He very seldom got a bit of meat, and there was no bone or muscle in the man. He seemed to be fed on turnip-tops, and was as dull as a dor- mouse in winter time, and unless you had emptied a skip of bees over him you couldn't
DULY FEED MAN AND STEED. 73
have woke him up. They say that Johnny Raw is a stupid ; he would not be half so stupid if he had more raw to put in his pot.
Though lubbers might loiter with belly too full, We're not in that case, but our belts we must pull; Could we manage to get a little more meat, We could do twice as much, and think it no feat.
They call a ploughman Chaw-bacon, do they ? Wouldn't he like a bit more bacon to chaw? Hundreds and thousands of hard-working men down in the shires hardly get enough fat to grease the wheels of life, and the more's the pity. As to the poor women and children, it is often short- cake with them : bread, and pull it, and little of that.