One thing, however, is as plain as a pike- staff; the laborer cannot afford to keep a public house going while he has so little for his own private house. He has not a penny to spare, I'm sure, but had need to take all home to the missus that he can make by hook or by crook. Miss Hannah More wrote two verses which every ploughman should read, and mark, and learn.
74 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
" We say the times are grevious hard, And hard they are, 'tis true ! But, drinkers, to your wives and babes They're harder made by you.
" The drunkard's tax is self-imposed, Like every other sin ; The taxes altogether cost Not half so much as gin."
Well, if after all our being sober and thrifty, we cannot get along without pinch- ing, let us still be patient and contented. We have more blessings than we can count even now. If masters happen to be close- fisted, God is open-handed, and if the out- ward food be scant, the bread of heaven is plentiful. Cheer up, brother ploughman, it's better on before. There is a city where " the very streets are paved with gold exceeding clear and fine." This should make us feel like singing all the time, and help us to follow the advice of old Thomas —
" At bed, and at board, whatsoever befall, Whatever God sendeth, be merry withal."
NEVER STOP THE PLOUGH TO CATCH A MOUSE.
mMw^^^^
THERE'S not much profit in this game. Think of a man and a boy and four horses all standing still for the sake of a mouse ! What would old friend Tusser say
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76 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
to that ? I think he would rhyme in this fashion —
A ploughman deserveth a cut of the whip, If for idle pretence he let the hours slip.
Heaps of people act like the man in our picture. They have a great work in hand which wants all their wits, and they leave it to squabble over some pretty nothing, not worth a fig. Old master Tom would say to them —
No more tittle tattle, go on with your cattle.
He could not bear for a farmer to let his horses out for carting even, because it took their work away from the farm, and so I am sure he would be in a great stew if he saw farmers wasting their time at matches, and hunts, and the like. He says —
" Who slacketh his tillage a carter to be, For groat got abroad, at home shall lose three; For sure by so doing he brings out of heart, Both land for the corn, and horse for the cart."
The main chance must be minded, and the little things must be borne with. Nobody would burn his house down to kill the
MO USE- cA TCHING. 77
blackbeetles, and it would never answer to kill the bullocks to feed the cats. If our baker left off making bread for a week while he cracked the cockroaches, what should we all do for breakfast ? If the butcher sold no more meat till he had killed all the blow-flies, we should be many a day with- out mutton. If the water companies never gave the Londoners a drink till they had fished every gudgeon out of the Thames, how would the old ladies make their tea? There's no use in stopping your fishing be- cause of the sea-weed, nor your riding be- cause of the dust.
Now, our minister said to me the other day, "John, if you were on the committees of some of our societies you would see this mouse-hunting done to perfection. Not only committees, but whole bodies of Christian people, go mouse-hunting." Well, said I, minister, just write me a bit, and I will stick it in my book, it will be beef to my horse- radish. Here's his writing —
" A society of good Christian people will split into pieces over a petty quarrel, or mere matter of opinion, while all around them the masses are perishing for want of
78 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
the gospel. A miserable little mouse, which no cat would ever hunt, takes them off from their Lord's work. Again, intelli- gent men will spend months of time and heaps of money in inventing and publishing mere speculations, while the great field of the world lies unploughed. They seem to care nothing how many may perish so long as they can ride their hobbies. In other matters a little common sense is allowed to rule, but in the weightiest matters fool- ishness is sadly conspicuous. As for you and me, John, let us kill a mouse when it nibbles our bread, but let us not spend our lives over it. What can be done by a mousetrap or a cat should not occupy all our thoughts.
The paltry trifles of this world are much of the same sort. Let us give our chief at- tention to the chief things, — the glory of God, the winning of souls for Jesus, and our own salvation. There are fools enough in the world, and there can be no need that Christian men should swell the number. Go on with your ploughing, John, and I will go on with my preaching, and in due season we shall reap if we faint not."
A LOOKING GLASS IS OF NO USE TO A BLIND MAN.
HE who will not see is much the same as if he had no eyes; indeed, in some things, the man without eyes has the advantage, for he is in the dark and knows
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80 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
it. A lantern is of no use to a bat, and good teaching is lost on the man who will not learn. Reason is folly with the un- reasonable. One man can lead a horse to the water, but a hundred cannot make him drink : it is easy work to tell a man the truth, but if he will not be convinced your labor is lost. We pity the poor blind, we cannot do so much as that for those who shut their eyes against the light.
A man who is blind to his own faults is blind to his own interests. He who thinks that he never was a fool is a fool now. He who never owns that he is wrong will never get right. He'll mend, as the saying is, when he grows better, like sour beer in sum- mer. How can a man take the smuts off his face if he will not look in the glass, nor believe that they are there when he is told of them ?
Prejudice shuts up many eyes in total darkness. The man knows already : he is positive and can swear to it, and it's no use your arguing. He has made up his mind, and it did not take him long, for there's very little of it, but when he has said a thing he sticks to it like cobbler's wax. He is
THE BLIND NEED NO MIRRORS. 81
wiser than seven men that can render a reason. He is as positive as if he had been on the other side the curtain and looked into the back yard of the universe. He talks as if he carried all knowledge in his waist- coat pocket, like a peppermint lozenge. Those who like may try to teach him, but I don't care to hold up a mirror to a mole.
Some men are blinded by their worldly business, and could not see heaven itself if the windows were open over their heads. Look at farmer Grab, he is like Nebuchad- nezzar, for his conversation is all among beasts, and if he does not eat grass it is be- cause he never could stomach salads. His dinner is his best devotion, he is a terrible fastener on a piece of beef, and sweats at it more than at his labor. As old Master Earle says, " His religion is a part of his copyhold, which he takes from his landlord, and refers wholly to his lordship's discretion. If he gives him leave, he goes to church in his best clothes, and sits there with his neighbors, but never prays more than two prayers — for rain and for fair weather, as the case may be. He is a niggard all the week, except on market days, where, if 6
82 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
his corn sell well, he thinks he may be drunk with a good conscience. He is sensi- ble of no calamity but the burning of a stack of corn, or the overflowing of a meadow, and he thinks Noah's flood the greatest plague that ever was, not because it drowned the world, but spoiled the grass. For death he is never troubled, and if he gets in his harvest before it happens, it may come when it will, he cares not." He is as stubborn as he is stupid, and to get a new thought into his head you would need to bore a hole in his skull with a centre- bit. The game would not be worth the candle. We must leave him alone, for he is too old in the tooth, and too blind to be made to see.
Other people hurt their eyes by using glasses which are not spectacles. I have tried to convince Joe Scroggs that it would be a fine thing for him to join the teetotalers, and he has nothing to say against it only " he does not see it."
" He up and told me to my face, The chimney corner should be his place, And there he'd sit and dye his face, And drink till all is blue."
THE BLIND NEED NO MIRRORS. 83
All is blue with him now, for his furniture is nearly all sold, and his wife and children have not a shoe to their foot, and yet he laughs about " a yard of pump water," and tells me to go and drink my cocoa. Poor soul ! Poor soul !
In tippling is his sole delight, Each sign-post bars his way ;
He spends in muddy ale at night The wages of the day.
Can nothing be done for such poor fools. Why not shorten the hours for dealing out the drink ? Why not shut up the public- houses on Sundays ? If these people have not got sense enough to take care of them- selves the law should protect them. Will Shepherd says he has to fetch his sheep out of a field when they are likely to get blown through eating too much green meat, and there ought to be power to fetch sots out of a beer-shop when they are worse than blowed through drink. How I wish I could make poor Scroggs see as I do, but there, if a fellow has no eyes he can't see the sun, though his nose is being scorched off in the glare of it.
84 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
Of all dust the worst for the eyes is gold dust. A bribe blinds the judgment, and riches darken the mind. As smoke to the eyes, so also is flattery to the soul, and prejudice turns the light of the sun into a darkness that may be felt. We are all blind by nature, and till the good Physician opens our eyes we grope, even in gospel light. All the preaching in the world can- not make a man see the truth so long as his eyes are blinded. There is a heavenly eye- salve which is a sovereign cure, but the worst of the matter is that the blind in heart think they see already, and so they are likely to die in darkness. Let us pray for those who never pray for themselves : God's power can do for them what is far beyond our power.
A dark and blinded thing is man,
Yet full of fancied light ! But all his penetration can
Obtain no gospel light.
Though heavenly truth may blaze abroad,
He cannot see at all ; Though gospel leaders show the road,
He still gropes for the wall.
THE BLIND NEED NO MIRRORS. 85
Perhaps he stands to hear the sound,
But blind he still remains, No meaning in the word is found
To cause him joys or pains.
O Lord, thy holy power display,
For thou the help must find; Pour in the light of gospel day,
Illuminate the blind.
Behold, how unconcerned they dwell
Though reft of sight they be, They fancy they can see right well,
And need no help from thee.
Speak, and they'll mourn their blinded eyes,
And cry to thee for light ; O Lord, do not our prayer despise,
But give these blind men sight.
HE HAS GOT THE FIDDLE, BUT NOT THE STICK.
IT often comes to pass that a man steps into another's shoes, and yet cannot walk in them. A poor tool of a parson gets into a good man's pulpit, and takes the
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GOT THE FIDDLE, NOT THE STICK. S?
same texts, but the sermons are chalk, and not cheese. A half-baked young swell in- herits his father's money, but not his gen- erosity, his barns, but not his brains, his title, but not his sense, — he has the fiddle without the stick, and the more's the pity. Some people imagine that they have only to get hold of the plough-handles, and they would soon beat John Ploughman. If they had his fiddle they are sure they could play on it. J. P. presents his compliments, and wishes he may be there when it is done.
" That I fain would see, Quoth blind George of Hollowee."
However, between you and me and the bed- post, there is one secret which John does not mind letting out. John's fiddle is poor enough, but the stick is a right good one, too good to be called a fiddle-stick. Do you want to see the stick with which John plays his fiddle ? Here it is — Looking to God for help, John always tries to do his best, whatever he has to do, and he has found this to be the very best way to play all kinds of tunes. What little music there is in John's poor old fiddle comes out
S8 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES,
of it in that way. Listen to a scrape or two.
If I were a cobbler, I'd make it my pride
The best of all cobblers to be ; If I were a tinker, no tinker beside
Should mend an old kettle like me.
And being a ploughman, I plough with the best, No furrow runs straighter than mine ;
I waste not a moment, and stay not to rest, Though idlers to tempt me combine.
Yet I wish not to boast, for trust I have none
In aught I can do or can be ; I rest in my Saviour, and what he has done
To ransom poor sinners like me.
" GREAT CRY AND LITTLE WOOL,"
AS THE MAN SAID WHO CLIPPED
THE SOW.
OUR friend Hodge does not seem to be making much of an out at shearing. It will take him all his time to get wool
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90 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
enough for a blanket, and his neighbors are telling him so, but he does not heed them, for a man never listens to reason when he has made up his mind to act unreasonably. Hodge gets plenty of music of a sort : Hullah's system is nothing to it, and even Nebuchadnezzar's flutes, harps, sackbuts, and dulcimers could not make more din. He gets " cry " enough to stock a Babylon of babies, but not wool enough to stop his ears with.
Now, is not this very like the world with its notions of pleasure ? There is noise enough ; laughter and shouting, and boast- ing ; but where is the comfort which can warm the heart and give peace to the spirit? Generally there's plenty of smoke and very little fire in what is called pleasure. It promises a nag and gives an egg. Gaiety is a sort of flash in the pan, a fifth of No- vember squib, all fizz and bang and done for. The devil's meal is all bran, and the world's wine turns to vinegar. It is al- ways making a great noise over nutshells. Thousands have had to weep over their blunders in looking for their heaven on earth ; but they follow each other like sheep
GREAT CRY AND LITTLE WOOL. 91
through a gap, not a bit the wiser for the experience of generations. It seems that every man must have a clip at his own par- ticular pig, and cannot be made to believe that like all the rest it will yield him noth- ing but bristles. Men are not all of one mind as to what is best for them ; they no more agree than the clocks in our village, but they all hang together in following after vanity, for to the core of their hearts they are vain.
One shears the publican's hog, which is so fond of the swill tub, and he reckons upon bringing home a wonderful lot of wool ; but everybody knows that he who goes to the " Woolpack " for wool will come home shorn: the "Blue Boar" is an un- commonly ugly animal to shear, and so is the " Red Lion." Better sheer off as fast as you can ; it will be sheer folly to stop. You may loaf about the tap of the " Half- moon " till you get the full moon in your noddle, and need a keeper : it is the place for men whose wits go woolgathering, but wool there is none.
Another is covetous, and hopes to escape misery by being a miser : his greedy mind
92 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
can no more be filled than a lawyer's purse : he never has enough, and so he never has a feast. He makes money with his teeth, by keeping them idle. That is a very lean hog to clip at, for poverty wants some things, luxury many things, but covetous- ness wants all things. If we could hoard up all the money in the world, what would it be to us at last ? To-day at good cheer, to-morrow on the bier : in the midst of life we are in death.
Some, like old Mrs. Too-good, go in for self-righteousness, and their own mouths dub them saints. They are the pink of per- fection, the cream of creation, the gems of their generation, and yet a sensible man would not live in the same house with them for all the money you could count. They are saints abroad, but ask their maids what they are at home. Great cry and little wool is common enough in religion : you will find that those who crack themselves up are generally cracked, and those who despise their neighbors come to be despised them- selves.
Many try wickedness, and run into bad company, and rake the kennels of vice. I
GREAT CRY AND LITTLE WOOL. 93
warrant you they may shear the whole sty- ful of filthy creatures and never find a mor- sel of wool on the whole lot of them. Loose characters, silly amusements, gambling, wan- tonness, and such like, are swine that none but a fool will try his shears upon. I don't deny that there's plenty of swinish music— who ever expected that there would be silence in a piggery ? But then noise cannot fill the heart, nor laughter lighten the soul. John Ploughman has tried for himself, and he knows by experience that all the world is nothing but a hog that is not worth the shearing : " Vanity of vanities, all is vanity." But yet there is wool to be had ; there are real joys to be got for the asking if we ask aright. Below, all things deceive us, but above us there is a true Friend. " Wherefore do ye spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which satisfieth not ? " This is John Ploughman's verdict, which he wishes all his readers to take note of —
" Faith in Jesus Christ will give Sweetest pleasures while we live ; Faith in Jesus must supply- Solid comfort when we die."
YOU MAY BEND THE SAPLING, BUT NOT THE TREE.
LADDER, and pole, and cord will be of no use to straighten the bent tree; it should have been looked after much earlier. Train trees when they are saplings
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BEND THE SAPLING. 95
and young lads before the down comes on their chins. If you want a bullfinch to pipe, whistle to him while he is young; he will scarcely catch the tune after he has learnt the wild bird's note. Begin early to teach, for children begin early to sin. Catch them young and you may hope to keep them.
Ere your boy has reached to seven, Teach him well the way to heaven : Better still the work will thrive, If he learns before he's five.
What is learned young is learned for life. What we hear at the first we remember to the last. The bent twig grows up a crooked tree. Horse-breakers say
" The tricks a colt getteth at his first backing, Will whilst he continueth never be lacking."
When a boy is rebellious, conquer him, and do it well the first time, that there may be no need to do it again. A child's first les- son should be obedience, and after that you may teach it what you please : yet the young mind must not be laced too tight, or you may hurt its growth and hinder its
96 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
strength. They say a daft nurse makes a wise child, but I do not believe it : nobody needs so much common sense as a mother or a governess. It does not do to be al- ways thwarting; and yet remember if you give a child his will and a whelp his fill, both will surely turn out ill. A child's back must be made to bend, but it must not be broken. He must be ruled, but not with a rod of iron. His spirit must be conquered, but not crushed.
Nature does sometimes overcome nurture, but for the most part the teacher wins the day. Children are what they are made : the pity is that so many are spoiled in the bringing up. A child may be rocked too hard ; you may spoil him either by too much cuffing or too much kissing. I knew two boys who had a Christian mother, but she always let them have their own way. The consequence was that when they grew up they took to drinking and low company and soon spent the fortune their father left them. No one controlled them and they had no control over themselves, and so they just rattled along the broad road like butcher boys with runaway horses, and
BEND THE SAPLING, 97
there was no stopping them. A birch or two worn out upon them when they were little would have been a good use of timber.
Still, a child can be treated too hardly, and especially he can be shut up too many hours in school, when a good run and a game of play would do him more good. Gows don't give any the more milk for being often milked, nor do children learn any more because of very long hours in a hot room.
A boy can be driven to learn till he loses half his wits : forced fruits have little flavor; a man at five is a fool at fifteen. If you make veal of the calf he will never turn to beef. Yet learning may be left so long that the little dunce is always behindhand.
There's a medium in everything and he is a good father who hits upon it, so that he governs his family with love, and his family loves to be governed by him. Some are like Eli, who let his sons sin and only chided them a little ; these will turn out to be cruel parents in the long run : others are tod strict, and make home miserable, and so drive the youngsters to the wrong road in another way. Tight clothes are very apt to 7
98 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
tear, and hard laws are often broken : but loose garments tear too, and where there are no laws at all, things are sure to go amiss. So you see it is easy to err on either side, and hard to dance the tight-rope of wisdom. Depend on it, he who has a wife and bairns will never be short of care to carry. See what we get when we come to marry, yet many there are who will not tarry.
In these days children have a deal too/ much of their own way, and often make their mothers and fathers their slaves. It has come to a fine pass when the goslings teach the geese, and the kittens rule the cat : it is the upsetting of everything, and no parent ought to put up with it. It is as bad for the boys and girls as it is for the grown folk, and it brings out the worst side of their characters. I would sooner be a cat on hot bricks, or a toad under a harrow, than let my own children be my masters. No, the head must be the head, or it will hurt the whole body.
For children out of place Are a father's disgrace, If you rule not you'll rue, For they'll quickly rule you.
A MAN MAY LOVE HIS HOUSE,
THOUGH HE RIDE NOT ON THE
RIDGE.
YOU can love your house and not ride on the ridge ; there's a medium in everything. You can be fond of your wife
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ioo JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
without being her drudge, and you can love your children dearly, and yet not give them their own way in everything. Some men are of so strange a kidney that they set no bounds to their nonsense. If they are fond of roast beef they must needs suck the spit; they cannot rest with eating the pudding, they must swallow the bag. If they dis- like a thing, the very smell of it sets them grumbling, and if they like it they must have it everywhere and always, for nothing else is half so sweet. When they do go in for eating rabbits, they have
Rabbits young and rabbits old, Rabbits hot and rabbits cold, Rabbits tender, rabbits tough : Never can they have enough.
Whatever they take up takes them up, and for a season they cannot seize on anything else* At election times the barber cannot trim his customer's poll because of the polling, and the draper cannot serve you with calico be- cause he is canvassing. The nation would go to the dogs altogether if the cat's-meat man did not secure the election by sticking his mark on the ballot paper. It is supposed
RIDE NO T YO UR HOBB YTOO HARD. 101
that the globe would leave off turning round if our Joe Scroggs did not go down to the "Dun Cow," and read the paper, and have his say upon politics, in the presence of the house of commons assembled in the tap- room. I do not quite think so, but I know this, that when the Whigs and the Tories and the Radicals are about, Scroggs is good for nothing all day long. What party he belongs to I don't know, but I believe his leading principle will be seen in the follow- ing verse : —
If gentlemen propose a glass
He never says them nay ; For he always thinks it right to drink
While other people pay.
You can make a good thing become a nuisance by harping on that one string from dawn to dusk. A hen with one chick makes no end of scratching and clucking, and so does a fellow of one idea. He has a bee in his bonnet, and he tries to put a wasp in yours. He duns you, and if you do not agree with him he counts you his enemy. When you meet with him you are un- fortunate, and when you leave him you will better yourself go where you may : " there's
102 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
small sorrow at our parting, " as the old mare said to the broken cart. You may try to humor him, but he will have all the more humors if you do, for the man knows no moderation, and if you let him ride on the roof he will soon sit on the chimney-pot.
One man of my acquaintance used to take Morrison's pills every day of his life, and when I called to see him I had not been there ten minutes before he wanted me to take a dose, but I could not swallow what he told me nor the pills either, so I told him I dare say they were very good for him, but they did not suit my constitution : however, he kept on with his subject till I was fain to be off. Another man never catches sight of me but he talks about vaccination and goes on against it till he froths at the mouth, and I am half afraid he will inoculate me. My master had a capital horse, worth a good deal of money, only he always shied at a stone-heap on the road, and if there were fifty of them he always bolted ofT the road every time. He had got heaps on his brain, poor creature, and though he was fit for a nobleman's carriage he had to be put to plough. Some men have got stone-heaps
RIDE NOT YOUR HOBBY TOO HARD, 103
in their poor noddles and this spoils them for life and makes it dangerous for all who have to deal with them. What queer fish there are in our pond ! I am afraid that most of us have a crack somewhere, but we don't all show it quite so much as some. We ought to have a good deal of patience, and then we shall find amusement where else we should be bothered to death. One of my mates says the world is not round, and so I always drop into his notion and tell him this is a flat world and he is a flat too.
What a trial it is to be shut up for an hour with a man or a woman with a hobby ; riding in a horsebox with a bear with a sore head is nothing to it. The man is so fond of bacon that he wants you to kiss his pig, and all the while you hope you will never again see either the man or his pork as long as you live. No matter what the whole hog may be, the man who goes it is terrible.
Rocking horse for boy, Hobby horse for man ; Each one rides his toy Whenever he can.
104 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
The boy is right glad Though he rideth alone ; His father's own fad By the world must be known.
Of the two hobby rides, The boy's is the best ; For the man often chides, And gives you no rest.
It is a good thing for a man to be fond of his own trade and his own place, but still there is reason in everything, even in roast- ing eggs. When a man thinks that his place is below him he will pretty soon be below his place, and therefore a good opinion of your own calling is by no means an evil ; yet nobody is everybody, and no trade is to crow over the rest. The cobbler has his awl but he is not all, and the hatter wears a crown but he is not king. A man may come to market without buying my onions, and ploughing can be done with other horses than mine, though Dapper and Violet are something to brag of. The farm- ing interest is no doubt first, and so is the saddler's, and so is the tinker's, and so is the grocer's, and so is the draper's, and so is the parson's, and so is the parish beadle's,
RIDE NOT YOUR HOBBY TOO HARD. 10$
and so is every other interest according to each man's talk.
Your trade, as a trade, is all very well, But other good folk have their cheeses to sell ; You must not expect all the world to bow down, And give to one pedlar the sceptre and crown.
It is astonishing how much men will cry- up small matters. They are very busy, but it is with catching flies. They talk about a mushroom till you would think it was the only thing at the Lord Mayor's dinner, and the beef and the turkeys went for nothing. They say nothing about the leg of mutton, for they are so much in love with the trim- mings. They can't keep things in their places, but make more of a horse's tail than they do of his whole body. Like the cock on the dunghill, they consider a poor barley-corn to be worth more than a diamond. A thing happens to suit their taste and so there is nothing like it in the whole of England ; no, nor in all America or Australia. A duck will not always dabble in the same gutter, but they will ; for, bless your heart, they don't think it a gutter, but a river, if not an ocean. They must ride the ridge of the
106 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES,
roof, or else burn the house down. A good many people love their dogs, but these folks take them to bed with them. Other farmers fat the calf, but they fall do^n and worship it, and what is worse they quarrel with everybody who does not think as much of their idol as they do.
It will be a long while before all men be- come wise, but it will help on the time if we begin to be wise ourselves. Don't let us make too much of this world and the things of it. We are to use it but not to abuse it ; to live in it but not for it; to love our house but not to ride on the ridge. Our daily bread and daily work are to be minded, and yet we must not mind earthly things. We must not let the body send the soul to grass, rather must we make the limbs servants to the soul. The world must not rule us, we must reign as kings though we are only ploughmen ; and stand upright even if the world should be turned upside down.
GREAT DRINKERS THINK THEM- SELVES GREAT MEN.
WONDERFUL men and white rats are not so scarce as most people think. Folks may talk as they like about Mr. Gladstone and Lord Beaconsfield, and
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108 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
that sharp gentleman Bismarck, but Jack, and Tom, and Harry, and scores more that I know of, could manage their business for them a fine sight better ; at least, they think so, and are quite ready to try. Great men are as plentiful as mice in an old wheat- stack down our way. Every parish has one or two wonderful men ; indeed, most public-houses could show one at least, and generally two ; and I have heard that on Saturday nights, when our " Blue Dragon" is full, there may be seen as many as twenty of the greatest men in all the world in the taproom, all making themselves greater by the help of pots of beer. When the jug has been filled and emptied a good many times, the blacksmith feels he ought to be prime minister; Styles, the carter, sees the way to take off all the taxes, and Old Hob, the rat-catcher, roars out —
"They're all a pack of fools, And good-for-nothing tools ; If they'd only send for me, You'd see how things would be.,,
If you have a fancy to listen to these great men when they are talking you need
GREAT PUBLIC-MEN. 109
not go into the bar, for you can hear them outside the house ; they generally speak four or five at a time, and every one in a Mitcham whisper, which is very like a shout. What a fine flow of words they have ! There's no end to it, and it's a pity there was ever any beginning, for there's generally a mix up of foul talk with their politics, and this sets them all roaring with laughter. A few evenings in such company would poison the mind of the best lad in the parish. I am happy to say that these great men have to be turned out at ten o'clock, for then our public-house closes ; and none too soon„ I'm sure.
A precious little is enough to make a man famous in certain companies ; one fel- low knocked a man's eye out at a prize-fight ;; another stowed away twice as much pud- ding as four pigs could have disposed of; another stood on his head and drank a glass of beer; and another won a prize by grin- ning through a horse-collar; and for such things as these the sots of the village think mightily of them. Little things please little minds, and nasty things please dirty minds. If I were one of these wonderful
no JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES,
fellows I would ask the nearest way to a place where nobody would know me.
Now I am at it, I will notice a few other wonderful bodies who sometimes conde- scend to look down on a ploughman; but before I make them angry I would give them a verse from one of my old uncle's songs, which I have shaped a bit.
" I hope none will be offended with me for writing this, For it is not intended for anything amiss ; If you consider kindly my remarks you will allow, For what can you expect from one whose hand is on the plough ? "
I used to feel quite staggered when I heard of an amazing clever man, but I've got used to it, as the rook did to the scare- crow when he found out that it was a stuffed nothing. Like the picture which looked best a very long distance off, so do most clever fellows. They are swans a mile off, but geese when you get near them. Some men are too knowing to be wise, their boiler bursts because they have more steam than they can use. They know too much, and having gone over the top of the ladder they have gone down on the other side. People
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who are really wise never think themselves so : one of them said to me the other day, —
"All things I thought I knew ; but now confess The more T know I know I know the less."
Simple Simon is in a sad plight in such a world as this, but on the whole he gets on better than a fellow who is too clever by half. Every mouse had need have its eyes open nowadays, for the cats are very many and uncommonly sharp ; and yet, you mark my word, most of the mice that are caught are the knowing ones. Somehow or other, in an ordinary sort of a world like this, it does not answer to be so over and above clever. Those who are up to so many dodges, find the dodges come down on them before long. My neighbor Hinks was much too wise a man to follow the plough, like poor shallow-pated John Ploughman, and so he took to scheming, and has schemed himself into one of the largest mansions in the country, where he will be provided with oakum to pick and a crank to turn during the next six calendar months. He had better have been a fool, for his cleverness has cost him his character. i
112 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
When a man is too clever to tell the truth he will bring himself into no end of trouble before long. When he is too clever to stick to his trade, he is like the dog that let the meat fall into the water through try- ing to catch at its shadow. Clever Jack can do everything and can do nothing. He intends to be rich all at once, and despises small gains, and therefore is likely to die a beggar. When puffing is trusted and hon- est trading is scoffed at, time will not take long to wind up the concern. Work is as needful now as ever it was if a man would thrive ; catching birds by putting salt on their tails would be all very well, but the creatures will not hold their tails still, and so we had better catch them in the usual way. The greatest trick for getting on in business is to work hard and to live hard. There's no making bread without flour, nor building houses without labor. I know the old saying is —
" No more mortar, no more brick. A cunning knave has a cunning trick ; "
but for all that things go on much the same as ever, and bricks and mortar are still wanted.
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I see in the papers, every now and then, that some of the clever gentlemen who blow up bubble companies are pulled up before the courts. Serve them right ! May they go where my neighbor Hinks is, every one of them. How many a poor trades- man is over head and ears in difficulty through them ! I hope in future all men will fight shy of these fine companies, and swell managers, and very clever men. Men are neither suddenly rich nor suddenly good. It is all a bag of moonshine when a man would persuade you that he knows a way of earning money by winking your eye. We have all heard of the scheme for mak- ing deal boards out of sawdust, and getting butter out of mud, but we mean to go on with the saw-mill, and keep on milking the cows ; for between you and me and the blind mare, we have a notion that the plans of idiots and very clever men are as like as two peas in a shell.