_Of the_ Love _of married Persons_.
1. THE marriage-covenant binds all that enter into it, to several other duties, as well as to chastity: but not under the same forfeiture, failing in these breaks God’s command, but does not break the bond of matrimony. No ill-behaviour dissolves this, while we are not wronged as to the marriage-bed. Thou art still an husband or a wife, though thy yoke-fellow is wanting in many duties. Be careful therefore to do thy own part still, however slenderly thou art requited.
2. The duties common to husbands and wives, partly respect themselves, and partly their families. All the former sort may be reduced to two heads, love and the fruits of love. First, Love: their hearts must be united as well as their hands: else their union will be more troublesome than can be imagined. Love is the life and soul of marriage, without which it differs from itself as a carcase from a living body. This makes all things easy, whereas the absence of it makes all things hard. Love seasons and sweetens every state; love composes all controversies. In whomsoever love prevails, to them only marriage is what it should be, a pleasing combination of two persons into one home, one purse; one heart and one flesh. And this love must have two especial properties, first, It must be spiritual; secondly, matrimonial. It must be spiritual in its ground, and in its working. Its chief ground must be the commandment of God. A Christian must love his wife, not only because she is beautiful or loving, but chiefly because God enjoins it. The wife must love her husband, not only because he is handsome, kind or well-behaved, but because God the sovereign of all souls, has commanded women to be _lovers of their own husbands_. Not the face, portion or good qualities of the married, must be the chief cause of their loving each other, but the will of God; and that affection which stands on this stable foundation will be lasting: while that which stands on any other consideration, will be subject to change every hour. For how can the building stand fast, if the foundation sink away? Either some storm of contention will overthrow that love, or it will fall down of itself thro’ age. Or else it will degenerate into jealousy, the devouring canker-worm, that eats up the hearts of married persons, and consumes or spoils the sweet fruit they may reap. But he that loves his wife, because she is his wife, and God commands him to love her as such, will love her, so long as she is his wife, whatever she prove beside. Thou lovest thy wife, because she is fair, good-humoured, courteous: but what if all these should fail? Thou lovest thy husband, because he is handsome, sensible, kind: but where will thy love be, if these things should alter? You see there is no firmness in that love, which is procured only by these motives. But if thou love thy wife or husband, because God enjoins it, then thy love will be constant and perpetual.
3. This property of love, that it is spiritual, built on the rock of God’s commandment, answers all the objections which many would make against it in their own cases. “Who, says a man, can love such a wife?” “And what wife, says a woman, can love such an husband?” I answer, a man whose affection is spiritual, can love even such a wife. And the woman who has attained to spiritual love finds it possible to love even such an husband.
4. But as the ground of their love must be spiritual, so must also the working thereof. It must seek the spiritual good of the person beloved, by every possible means. For that love which seeks only their temporal welfare, deserves no better name than carnal love. But surely those who love each other, because God bids them, will love each other as God bids them. They will be careful of each others souls, as well as of their bodies and estates. But alas! How exceedingly does the love of most married people fail herein? Thou art kind to thy wife or husband, and it goes to thy heart, to think any thing should be wanting for their good. It is well; but so may a Turk as well as thou, if by good, thou meanest only that which is temporal. But dost thou seek to help thy yoke-fellow to heavenly, as well as earthly benefits? This is spiritual love: this becomes a Christian husband, and a Christian wife. Be not then _carnal_ in your love, _walking as men_, but spiritual as the children of God.