_Of the_ Effects of Love.
1. THE effects of nuptial love are three, Pleasingness, Faithfulness, Helpfulness. The first, which must mix itself with all the rest, is an earnest desire to please each other, so far as it is possible to be done, without sinning against God. Wherefore the husband must do or leave undone, any thing he can, that he may please his wife: and the wife must in any thing cross her own desires that she may satisfy his. In diet, attire, choice of company, and all things else, each must fulfill the other’s desire, as absolutely as can be done, without transgressing the law of God. As difficult as this may seem at first, practice will make it easy. Resolutely begin, and the proceeding will be pleasanter than the beginning. Especially if both labour together, each seeking to oblige the other. For it cannot be difficult to satisfy one, who desires to take as well as to give satisfaction.
2. But some will say, “This suits not me, nothing will satisfy my froward yoke-fellow.” I answer, It may be so: it is not in ones power, to make a froward person take a thing well. But it is in your power, to do your best, to satisfy such an one; and to strive the more, the more averse to peace your companion is. “But it is hard, to be still striving against the stream.” It is; but duties must not be omitted because they are hard. The scholar, who has an hard lesson, must take the more pains to learn it. So the husband or wife, that has a perverse companion, must take the more pains to please them. Let the difficulty therefore make thee more diligent: and encourage thyself in this tedious labour, by thinking, “If after all I cannot please my yoke-fellow, I shall not fail to please God. Yea, and the harder the work is, the better he will take it at my hands. Therefore I will so behave, that they may receive content in all things, if any thing but sin will content them.” This caution indeed we must observe; for we may not, to please anyone, sin against God. If any thing but sin will satisfy, thou must do it, be it ever so contrary to thy own will. But if thou canst not fulfill the desires of a creature, without breaking the law of God, then thou must not fulfill them: better offend a mortal man, than the immortal God.
3. In the next place, husband and wife are to be faithful and helpful to each other. These two must always be united: therefore we speak of them together. This was the principal thing which God designed in the creation of the woman. _It is not good_, saith he, _for man to be alone: I will make him an help meet for him_. And undoubtedly man was intended to give, as well as to receive help. This helpful fidelity consists in their mutual care to abstain from and prevent whatever might grieve or hurt either: and to do themselves, and incite others to do, whatever might comfort or benefit either. And this must extend to the soul, the body, the name, and the estate.
4. First, to the souls, by provoking each other on all occasions, to inward and outward holiness. The husband must further the wife in all goodness, and the wife the husband: for she has also liberty to stir up her husband, by intreaty and fair means. And as they have special opportunity, so they should be always ready, with special diligence, to _provoke one another to love and to good works_. O how sweet is the society when they thus watch all occasions to further each other in godliness! Again; being continually together, they may discover in each other divers corruptions and imperfections. They must not turn these into matter of contempt, but of compassion and care for each others reformation. They should observe each others temper, ’till they perceive what infirmities each is chiefly inclined to, and then diligently abstain from what may provoke that evil, and apply all means that may heal it. If all their labour does not avail, they must not fear to seek the help of some common friend, who possibly may effect that cure, which themselves had endeavoured in vain. And if even this does not succeed, still they must wait and pray, referring the matter to God, the only physician of the soul, who is able in due time to redress all.