_Of a_ Man’_s keeping his_ Authority.
1. IT is the duty of an husband, to govern his wife, and to maintain her. The former implies, that he keep his authority, and that he use it. And, first, every man is bound to keep himself in that place wherein his Maker hath set him, and to hold fast that precedency which God hath assigned him. The Lord hath intitled him _your head_, and he may not take a lower place. The contempt redounds upon God, which a man takes upon himself, by making his wife his master. But perhaps some will say, “All this is reasonable, if it were practicable. But there are some wives so proud, headstrong, and stubborn, that their husbands cannot govern them.” I answer, most men blame their wives, when the real fault is in themselves. Man cannot hinder a violent woman from assaulting his authority, but he may from winning it: not indeed by violence, but by skill; not by main force, but by a ♦steady and wise proceeding. And, first, let him endeavour to exceed his wife in goodness as he does in place. Let him walk uprightly and religiously in his family, and give a good example to all in the house. Then any reasonable woman will give him the better place, whom she sees to be the better person. Take pains then to make thyself good, and that is the most compendious way to make thyself reverenced.
♦ ‘steddy’ replaced with ‘steady’
2. This in general. But in particular, shun those evils, that make a man seem vile in the eyes of those that are round about him. The first of these is bitterness: sharp, tart carriage, reviling, passionate, provoking language, are fitly so called; being as offensive to the mind, as gall and worm-wood to the palate. This bitterness shews folly, and works hatred, and therefore must needs be a great underminer of authority. For wherever want of wisdom is, there will ensue want of reverence. He that would retain his pre-eminence, must, secondly, avoid unthriftiness, another great enemy to reverence. Drunkenness, gaming, and ill company, are the three parts of unthriftiness. And whoever gives way to any of these, must expect to be despised. Thirdly, lightness must be avoided by husbands, all foolish, childish behaviour, that wears no stamp of gravity or discretion, but savours of a kind of boyishness. If the husband puts a fool’s coat upon his back, can he blame his wife for laughing at him? Cast therefore all those base evils from you, and strive for holiness and gravity of conversation, that your superiority, supported by such pillars, may stand upright and unshaken.
3. But how is a man to use this authority, so that it may answer the end for which it is given? The end of it is, _That he may present her to_ God, _holy and without blemish_; that he may so govern her, as to weaken every corruption, and strengthen every grace in her soul. In order to do this, he must temper the exercise of his authority, by justice, wisdom and mildness. Justice is the life and soul of government, without which it is no better than a dead carcase: wisdom is the eye of government, without which it is like a strong man stark blind. Mildness is the health and good constitution of government: and when these are all joined together, then the husband is, as it were, God in the family, a resemblance of his sovereignty and goodness.
4. Justice is to be practised in directing and recompensing. For the first, a man must not so abuse his authority, as to enjoin any thing sinful: what God commands, he must not forbid; what God forbids, he must not command. Let no husband forget, that the Lord in heaven, and the magistrate on earth, are above him. He and his wife are equally subject to these. Therefore let him never set his private authority against theirs, nor make his wife undutiful to either of these, by a false claim of duty to himself. For instance: let no husband command his wife to lie for his advantage, to break the sabbath for his gain; to partake of his fraud, or sin of any kind. Neither let any man forbid his wife to pray unto God, to attend his word and sacraments; to use any of the means which God hath made the ordinary channels of his grace. See then, all ye husbands that your directions to your wives agree with the laws of God. Otherwise to disobey you is the better obedience, and to reject your evil directions, is not to deny subjection to your persons but to your sins, yea to the devil himself, who rules in you.