5. But this rule of justice must extend a little farther. The husband must not urge his authority, not only in things unlawful, but even in those that _seem_ unlawful to his wife’s mistaken confidence. He ought not to force her to what she _thinks_ a sin. Conscience is God’s immediate officer, and tho’ it is mistaken, must be obeyed, ’till it be better informed. Wherefore, when a woman thro’ weakness fancies a thing indifferent to be sinful, a man must not compel her to act against her conscience, but with pity and gentleness try to remove that mistake. “But what if she pretend conscience, when it is but willfulness?” Then he must wait awhile, and if persuasions avail not, at length use his authority, and enjoin her to change her obstinacy into subjection. “But how shall I know, whether she be scrupulous or stubborn?” I answer, scruple of conscience is grounded on the word of God, on some text which carries an appearance at least of condemning the thing in question. But obstinacy is backed with no part of God’s word. Therefore, if a woman produce some scripture, tho’ perhaps misinterpreted, for her scruple, she must be tenderly dealt with. But if she plead conscience, without God’s word, it is probably a mere pretence. Again, it may be a mistaken conscience, when things indifferent are deemed either necessary or sinful. But if conscience be pleaded against doing what God hath plainly commanded, this is willfulness in error, not weakness of conscience.
♦6. Justice is likewise to be exercised in requiring either the bad or good carriage of the wife. Bad behaviour may be requited with reproof or correction. But be sure, not to reprove without a fault. Find not a fault where no fault is, for fear of making one where there was none. And observe; a fault reformed is to be accounted no fault. Therefore it must never be mentioned more. And when a real fault requires punishment, still the husband must come exceeding slowly to it, and be very seldom in it, never until he is compelled, because all other means are ineffectual. For a man to look and behave cooly towards his wife, to withdraw the testimonies of his love, to cease to trust and to speak familiarly and chearfully to her, these things I call punishments. And all things of this kind must be more or less sharp, as the fault is greater or less, being suited, not to the passion, or loss, or hurt of the reprover, but to the offence of the reproved. On the other hand, rewards and commendations should be proportioned to the nature and degree of her good behaviour: the husband being careful to feed her virtues, nourish her obedience, and confirm all her amiable qualities.
♦ ‘9’ replaced with ‘6’
7. The next virtue of the husband is wisdom, which gives rules for the right ordering his authority. It is a main part of this wisdom, to conform the use of his authority to the disposition of his wife. There is a great difference in tempers: some are more stiff, some more pliant; some are easy to be ruled, some the contrary. Some require more sharpness; others will be better wrought upon by gentleness; and wisdom teaches to frame all commands, reproofs, rewards, according to the condition of the person. A soft, tender woman must be dealt with tenderly; a rough, high-spirited one, with more sternness and severity. And herein an husband must not follow his own inclinations, but bow himself to the temper of his wife. As she is more apt to grieve or rage, to be dejected or careless, so ought a man to shape his words and behaviour, that he may most heal and least provoke those passions to which she is most liable. St. _Peter_ points all men to this part of discretion, when he terms women, _the weaker vessel_; meaning, subject to more natural infirmities than the man. So much the more should the husband shew himself a man of knowledge toward her. Our Saviour’s government may be our example. He well considers the particular nature of all his members, sees the tempers and infirmities of each, and deals with them accordingly. And his wisdom appears in mixing a fit cup of consolation or affliction for every soul. Every husband must carefully imitate this: for if some women were reproved so frequently and so sharply as others; they would be quite disheartened: and if some were to receive so great kindness and such commendations as others need, they would be utterly destroyed by pride. Now the art of government must moderate all these things, according to the nature of the governed. And this art the giver of wisdom will not deny, to them that earnestly crave it at his hands.