_Of the pleasure of this state; the mistakes attending it, and the way of their discovery._
1. THIS glorious discovery was very surprising: oft I stood and wonder’d what this strange sight meant. The greatness of the things God ♦had done surpassed belief; and yet the effects would not suffer me to doubt of them. Not that I distinctly observed them at the very first; the glory of the Lord was then so great, that for a time I fixed my eyes on that, and was less intent on the change which it wrought in me. Again, I was the less exact in observing them then, because of the darkness still remaining in me. I clearly saw the mystery of free justification through Christ, and peace by his blood: but I was still sadly ignorant of many of the most important things relating even to that mystery: as the daily application of that atonement, and the use of Christ with respect to sanctification, What therefore God did at this time I knew not now, but hereafter, when the Comforter had further instructed me in the gospel, as my exigencies required: then, at length, I saw distinctly the work of God, and what he had done for me.
♦ “hath” replaced with “had” per Errata
2. This discovery could not but be full of ravishing sweetness, considering the state wherein it found me. I was condemned by God and my own conscience, and under pressing fears of a present execution of the sentence. When the labours of the day required that I should sleep, and my body wasted with the disquiet of my mind, yet I was afraid to close my eyes lest I should wake in hell, and durst not suffer myself to sleep, till I was beguiled into it I knew not how. Was it strange, that the hopes of pardon were sweet to one in such a condition, whereby I laid down in safety and quiet rest, while there was none to make me afraid? A little before, the _waters compassed me about, even to the soul! the deep closed me round about, I went down to the bottoms of the mountains, and said, I am cast out of_ God’s _sight_. Now, was it any wonder that such an one should rejoice, when brought into a garden of delights and set down under the refreshing rays of the sun of righteousness? And the things he discovered to me here were not only altogether new and such as I was utterly unacquainted with before; but also glorious in themselves. It was the glory of the Lord that shone round about me; and I saw such _things as eye hath not seen, beside thee, O_ God. In a word, what I saw was (what the angels desire to look into) _the mystery of godliness_, the wonders of God’s law, and the _unsearchable riches of his mercy_.
3. This discovery was of longer continuance, and far brighter than any I have had since: it shone in its glory for ten days; nor was it quite gone for a long time after; and while it lasted, new discoveries were daily made. God carried me from one thing to another, and in this short space taught me more than I had learned by all my study in my whole life. Yea, he taught me the things I had learned before, in another, and quite different manner. Every day he instructed me out of the scriptures, walking and talking with me by the way, and opening them to me, which before was as a sealed book, wherein whatever I read was dark. Indeed all this time my mind was almost wholly taken up about spiritual things; and whatever occur’d in reading, meditation, converse, or daily observation, it (like a mold) cast into its own shape. All this while I was carried out to extraordinary diligence in duty. It was not as formerly, a burthen; but my heart was enlarged, so that I ran in the ways of God’s ordinances and commandments. And herein my soul often made me like _the chariots of Aminadab_, not easily to be stopped; sometimes to the disgust of these who did not taste the same ravishing sweetness which I enjoyed. But the life of all was, that God, by keeping his glory continually in my eye, kept me humble and self-denied all this while: seeing him I loathed myself. Beholding his glory I was _in my own eyes as a grashopper, as nothing, less than nothing, and vanity. I gloried only in the_ Lord, _rejoiced in_ Christ Jesus, _and had no confidence in the flesh_.