Saturday, July 21. Towards night my burden respecting my work among the Indians began to increase much; and was aggravated by hearing sundry things that looked very discouraging, in particular that they intended to meet together the next day for an idolatrous feast and dance. Then I began to be in anguish: I thought I must in conscience go and endeavour to break them up; and knew not how to attempt such a thing. However I withdrew to prayer, hoping for strength from above. And in prayer I was exceedingly enlarged, and my soul was much drawn out. I pleaded with so much earnestness and importunity, that when I arose from my knees I could scarcely walk straight, my joints were loosed, the sweat ran down my face and body, and nature seemed as if it would dissolve. I knew they were met together to worship devils, and not God, and this made me cry earnestly that God would appear, and help me in my attempts to break up this idolatrous meeting. My soul pleaded long; and I thought God would go with me to vindicate his own cause: and thus I spent the evening, praying incessantly that I might not be self-dependent, but have my whole dependence upon God. What I passed through was inexpressible. *All things here below vanished; and there appeared to be nothing of any importance to me, but holiness of heart and life, and the conversion of the Heathen to God. All my cares, fears, and desires, which might be said to be of a worldly nature, disappeared; and were of little more importance than a puff of wind. I exceedingly longed, that God would get to himself a name among the Heathen; and I appealed to him with the greatest freedom, that he knew I “preferred him above my chief joy.” Indeed, I had no notion of joy from this world; I cared not where or how I lived, or what hardships I went through, so that I could but gain souls to Christ.
Lord’s day, July 22. When I waked, my soul was burdened with what seemed to be before me: I cried to God, before I could get out of my bed: as soon as I was dressed, I withdrew into the woods, to pour out my soul to him for assistance; and did with unspeakable freedom give up myself afresh to God, for life or death, for all hardships he should call me to among the Heathen; and felt as if nothing could discourage me from this blessed work. I had a strong hope, that God would “bow the heavens and come down,” and do some marvellous work among the Heathen. And when I was riding to the Indians, my heart was continually going up to God; and hoping, that God would make this the day of his power and grace amongst the poor Indians. When I came to them, I found them engaged in their frolic; but through divine goodness I got them to break up and attend my preaching: yet still there appeared nothing of the special power of God among them. I preached again to them in the afternoon; and observed they were more sober than before; but still saw nothing special among them; from whence Satan took occasion to buffet me with these cursed suggestions, There is no God, or if there be, he is not able to convert the Indians, before they have more knowledge. I was very weak and weary, and my soul borne down with perplexity; but was determined still to wait upon God.
Tuesday, July 24. I rode over a hideous mountain, to a number of Indians, at a place called Kauksesauchung, more than thirty miles westward from the place where I usually preach. I found about thirty persons, and proposed my desire of preaching to them: they readily complied, and I preached to them only twice, they being just then removing from this place, to Susquahannah river.
While I was preaching, they appeared sober, and attentive: and were somewhat surprized, having never before heard of these things. There were two or three, who suspected that I had some ill design upon them; and urged, that the white people had abused them, and taken their lands from them, and therefore they had no reason to think that they were concerned for their happiness; but, on the contrary, that they designed to make them slaves, or get them on board their vessels, and make them fight with the people over the water, (as they expressed it,) meaning the French and Spaniards. However the most of them appeared very friendly, and told me they were then going home to Susquahannah, and desired I would make them a visit there, and manifested a considerable desire of instruction.
This invitation gave me some encouragement in my great work; and made me hope, that God designed to “open an ♦effectual door to me” for spreading the gospel among the poor Heathens farther westward.
♦ “effectul” replaced with “effectual”