[This proved his final departure from New-Jersey.――He travelled slowly, and arrived among his friends at East-Haddam, about the beginning of May.]
Lord’s-day, May 10. (At Had-Lime) I could not but feel gratitude to God, that he had always disposed me, in my ministry, to insist on the great doctrines of _regeneration, a new creature, faith in Christ, progressive sanctification, supreme love to God, living entirely to the glory of God, being not our own_, and the like. God has helped me to see, from time to time, that these, and the like doctrines, necessarily connected with them, are the only foundation of safety and salvation for perishing sinners; and that those divine dispositions, which are consonant hereto, are that _holiness_, “without which no man shall see the Lord:” the exercise of these God-like tempers, wherein the soul acts in a kind of concert with God, and would be and do every thing that is pleasing to God; this, I saw, would stand by the soul in a dying hour; for God must _deny himself_, if he cast away _his own image_, even the soul that is one in desires with himself.
Lord’s-day, May 17. Though I felt much dulness this week; yet I had some glimpses of the excellency of divine things; and especially one morning, the beauty of holiness, as a likeness to the glorious God, was so discovered to me, that I longed earnestly to be in that world where holiness dwells in perfection, that I might please God, live entirely to him, and glorify him to the utmost stretch of my capacities.
*Lord’s-day. May 24. (At Long-Meadow in Springfield) I could not but think, as I have often remarked to others, that much more of _true religion_ consists in _deep humility, brokenness of heart, and an abasing sense of want of holiness_, than most who are called _Christians_ imagine.
[On Thursday, May 28. He came from Long-Meadow to Northampton, appearing vastly better than he had been in the winter; indeed so well, that he was able to ride twenty-five miles in a day, and to walk half a mile; but yet he was undoubtedly, at that time, in a confirmed, incurable consumption.
*I had much opportunity before this, of particular information concerning him, but now I had opportunity for a more full acquaintance with him. I found him remarkably sociable, pleasant, and entertaining in his conversation; yet solid, savoury, spiritual, and very profitable; appearing meek, modest, and humble, far from any stiffness, moroseness, superstitious demureness, or affected singularity in speech or behaviour. We enjoyed not only the benefit of his conversation, but had the comfort of hearing him pray in the family, from time to time. His manner of praying was becoming a worm of the dust, and a disciple of Christ addressing an infinitely great and holy God, and Father of mercies; not with florid expressions, or a studied eloquence; not with any intemperate vehemence, or indecent boldness; at the greatest distance from any appearance of ostentation, and from every thing that might look as though he meant to recommend himself to those that were about him, or set himself off to their acceptance, free from vain repetitions, without impertinent excursions, or needless multiplying of words. He expressed himself with the strictest propriety, with weight and pungency; and yet what his lips uttered seemed to flow from the _fulness of his heart_, deeply impressed with a great and solemn sense of our necessities, unworthiness, and dependence, of God’s infinite greatness, excellency, and sufficiency, rather than merely from a warm and fruitful brain. And I know not, that ever I heard him so much as ask a blessing or return thanks at table, but there was something remarkable to be observed both in the matter and manner of the performance. In his prayers he insisted much on the prosperity of Zion, the advancement of Christ’s kingdom in the world, and the flourishing and propagation of religion among the Indians. And he generally made it one petition in his prayer, “that we might not outlive our usefulness.”]
[This week he consulted Dr. Mather, at my house, concerning his illness; who plainly told him there were great evidences of his being in a confirmed _consumption_, and that he could give him no encouragement, that he should ever recover. But it seemed not to occasion the least discomposure in him, nor to make any alteration as to the freedom or pleasantness of his conversation.]
*Lord’s-day, June 7. My soul was so drawn forth, this day, by what I heard of the “exceeding preciousness of the grace of God’s Spirit,” that it almost overcame my body: I saw that true grace is exceeding precious indeed; that it is very rare; and that there is but a very small degree of it, even where the reality of it is to be found.