*Sunday 15. After I went to bed, I was much distrest, for cutting a ribband to wear. I was never till now convinced, that it was prophaning the Lord’s-day: blessed be God for convincing now! O what trouble was I in for a quarter of an hour! But I cried to God, and he rose on my soul again. May he abide therein, till time shall commence a glorious eternity!
Tuesday 17. I had a difficult talk in the evening, being obliged to lead the band. O how insufficient am I for such a work! I did not think it was so great a thing before. The Lord pardon whatever I said amiss. There seemed to be a cloud over us in prayer. If the cause was in _me_, the Lord reveal it, and take it away, for Christ’s sake!
Sunday 22. The enemy presented pride to me: but, blessed be God, I looked to him, and it fled away. I hope, he will never be able any more to sow this seed in my heart.
Monday 23. Glory be to God, I have found more love to my dear Saviour to-day than ever I did. O what hungering and thirsting did I feel, to do his will, as it is done in heaven?
Wednesday 25. This has been a blessed day to my soul; though I was grieved for the sloth of some of our family, who would not rise to the early preaching. The Lord stir them up to redouble their diligence. The enemy accused me to-day, of going with too much boldness to the Lord’s table. But I know it is only free grace that has enabled me so to do.
Friday 27. This has been a day of trial: but blessed be God, I was kept in perfect peace. Yet I could not but feel heaviness for my dear friends, to think of their precious, never-dying souls. The Lord give me a tender concern for them, and enable me to pray for them, and never cease.
*Tuesday 31. I spoke an improper word, which threw me into great heaviness. But I cried to God, “Lord, thou knowest, I would not offend thee willingly: I would sooner put my hand in the fire.” And he was graciously pleased to bless me that instant. But I saw, while I was at prayer, that I had been talking about religion in too light a manner. The Lord pardon me, and give more awe and reverence, for the time to come!
Wednesday, January 1, 1766. I found an increase of love to God and his people. In the evening the power of God was upon the congregation, in a glorious manner. We _sat under the droppings of his sanctuary_, and rejoiced in him with joy unspeakable.
Thursday 2. Glory be to God, my heart was inlarged, to love him with every faculty of my soul, with most ardent love to the children of God, and tender affection to all men.
Tuesday 7. My dear _M――――_ raged against me much. Lord lay not the sin to her charge! And say to the enemy, “Hitherto shalt thou go, and no farther.” I am much out of order in body, and do not find my spirit so lively as it was; perhaps through bodily weakness. But I can still rejoice in God, and love him with all my heart.
Thursday 9. I was tempted to peevishness this morning; but I prayed, and it found no place in me. I had likewise thoughts about my husband, because he did not come home so soon as I expected. But I looked to the Lord, and was resigned to whatever he would please to lay upon me.
Saturday 11. This has been a day of sore temptation: yet mine enemy gained no advantage over me. But I want to bear the cross more chearfully; for to-day I wept under it: though it was only, to think one who professed religion, should act so contrary to it.
Sunday 12. The enemy was let loose ♦upon me inwardly, as well as outwardly. He suggested, “What will become of thee? Thou wilt make an end of thyself, and be cast away at last.” I had scarce power to look to God, and thought it did not signify to strive any more. But, before I slept, he returned and healed my soul. May he give more liberty, love and power!
♦ “npon” replaced with “upon”
Saturday 18. I have been much out of order for several days, and have not rose to the morning preaching. If there is any sloth in me, the Lord give me to see it; I am not sensible of it. And I hope the Lord accepts of the will, as the power is taken from me. In the evening, my brother-in-law being with us, and my husband being unwilling to pray, I delayed praying till my brother was gone to bed. But it came to me afterward, “_Who art thou that thou art afraid of a man that shall die?_” The Lord pardon me for it. I hope whether my husband prays or no, I shall not omit it for the time to come.
Monday 27. Glory be to God for his unbounded mercies to such a rebel as me! What blessings has he given me this day? How happy have I been in his love? May he _keep the door of my mouth_, that I may never more speak unadvisedly with my lips! And above all, may he keep my heart, that I may no more _reason_ against him.