Monday 19. I was much disordered with a violent cold in my head, and so I continued all Tuesday and Wednesday, that I scarce could read, or pray, or do any thing else, as I would have done. But praised be God, my mind was kept in a sweet composed frame, and I had much of the spirit of prayer. O the goodness of God to me, the most unworthy of his creatures! Me, who have so often sinned against him! Lord write the law of gratitude on my heart! On Wednesday our class met for the first time. Altho’ it was something of a cross, I experienced the goodness of God.
Wednesday 28. In the evening our class met again: thanks be to God, I was in a composed frame, and had my mind stayed on him; as indeed it had been all the day, and all the week.
Thursday 29. In the afternoon we went with Mr. and Mrs. _B――――t_ to _Eaton_ by water, to see Lord _Grosvenor_’s seat. We had a parcel of obstinate men in the boat, who knew nothing of the sea, and yet would have their own way, which rendered what might have been otherwise pleasant, very disagreeable. The gardens are extremely pleasant, and far surpass any thing I have ever seen. My mind was fixt on God, while I was in the boat, and I had such a confidence in him, that I don’t know I felt fear arise once the whole time.
Sunday, September 1. At church I felt great earnestness for the blessing.
“Author of faith, to thee I lift My weary, longing eyes: O let me now receive that gift, My soul without it dies.”
Wednesday 4. In the evening I was very cold and dead. O my God, let me never give way to a lukewarm spirit, for this of all things, I find hurtful to my soul, and it too often brings on levity, which to me is slow poison. It does not appear heinous as some other sins do, but steals upon me unawares. And when I am once down, it is not an easy matter to rise again. Therefore let me be
“Always standing on my guard, And watching unto prayer.”
Monday 9. I was much blest this day, and my desires after the blessing much quickened; thanks be to God. In the evening we went to chapel, Mr. _M――――_ preached from _Luke vi. 19_. He is but a young preacher, yet I like him much better than many others, and some parts of the sermon were blest to me.
Wednesday 11. At night while I was meeting in class, my soul was much refreshed, and I thought I would not give up that spark, small as it was, for all the world’s riches. And if the foretaste be so sweet, O what must the full enjoyment be? Lord as thou hast given me this desire, O fulfil it! Let me never rest, till I am made a joyful partaker of the inheritance of the saints in light.
Thursday 12. Blessed be God my soul was much alive this day also, and I was much quickened under my uncle’s preaching in the evening.
Sunday 15. This morning Mr. _M――――s_ made an exceeding fine discourse upon _Philippians iii. 7_. _But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for_ Christ. My soul was much comforted and encouraged, while he was inviting sinners to come and taste the sweetness that is in Christ, and to forsake all those things, which before we counted gain, in order to partake of those hidden treasures.
Monday 17. I was overcome by a trifling spirit, and also gave way to wandering thoughts: for which the Lord in mercy gave me to feel much remorse. While I was at preaching in the evening, He also gave me a fervent desire to look to that Jesus whom his servant was pointing out to us from _John iii. 14, 15_. O that I may ever look to him, to heal the wound which sin has made!
“Stung by the scorpion sin; My poor expiring soul,”
O that I could add
“The balmy sound drank in, And was at once made whole.”
I staid at the bands as I could not go home by myself, and my aunt chose to stay. I experienced that it was good for me to be there, for my soul was exceedingly blest. Lord make me truly thankful for this, and all thy other mercies daily conferred upon me, the chief of sinners.
Tuesday, October 1. In the evening I found my soul quickened under religious conversation, and continued so all Wednesday and Thursday, having great enlargement in prayer, and free access to the throne; blessed be God.
Monday 14. My mind was in a serious frame most part of this day. In the evening we had a comfortable love-feast, at which my soul was much comforted, and found a great wrestling and agonizing for the blessing.
Saturday 19. I was rather cold all day, but glory be to God, I had great enlargement in prayer, especially in the evening.
Sunday 20. Mr. _M――――r_ preached on _Matthew v. 22, 26_. _Agree with thine adversary quickly_, &c. He earnestly exhorted and intreated every one to agree with God by forsaking their sins and turning to him, lest he should swear in his wrath, they should not enter into his rest. The word came with power to my soul, and I felt a resolution never to rest, till I had made my peace with God. O may the Lord confirm it, or it will be like the morning cloud.