Sunday 24. I was some part of this day employed in reading Mr. _Morgan’s crucified Jesus_. O that I could copy after my afflicted, self-denying Master! He never sought to please himself; but alas for me, how seldom is it I seek to please any other! Lord, forgive me: let me learn to deny myself, take up my cross and follow thee.
Thursday 28. In the evening Mr. _J――――_ who is the assistant preached his first sermon on _1 Corinthians iii. 22_. _All are yours._ I think him a good preacher; but I cannot yet give up Mr. _M――――_ for any other.
Friday 29. Mr. _G――――d_ preached on _1 Corinthians i. 23_. _We preach Christ crucified._ It was a good sermon, but I thought so much of Mr. _M――――_, that I was quite tired because it was not him. Lord forgive me my too great attachment to the creature, and fix my heart more upon the Creator.
Sunday 31. This morning Mr. _G――――d_ preached from _Hosea vi. 1_. _Come let us return to the Lord, &c._ He spoke exactly to the state I seemed to be in, and I was determined to set this day apart, to examine myself, and to seek the Lord in good earnest. But as soon as I came home, Satan prepared something to draw my mind off, and render me unfit for any duty, whether reading, praying, or any thing else. Lord, make me more careful for the time to come, that I may not so easily let slip the things which I have received.
Tuesday, September 2. My soul was in a measure blest in meeting class, and I found a resolution to set out afresh. Lord, let it not prove abortive as all others have done, but do thou bring it to good effect for thy mercy’s sake.
Wednesday 3. I think this day I found more solidity, and not so much levity of spirit as I did the day before. I also found my soul in a measure quickened both in private prayer, and in meeting band, for which undeserved mercies, Lord make me truly thankful, and let me shew my gratitude by endeavouring to retain, and improve them, that so I may have more.
Friday 12. In the evening at preaching, I found my soul in a small degree quickened. Lord, continue even this spark, and blow it into a flame!
Monday 15. I met our class to renew the tickets; but I missed Mr. _M――――r_’s lively manner of examining and exhorting each one, according to their various states.
Sunday 21. I went to the sacrament at St. _John_’s church, but all the time I was there, I was so beset with a particular temptation, that I had hard work to keep from yielding to it. In the evening Mr. _J――――n_ preached and met the society; but I sadly missed Mr. _M――――_’s close and sweet applications and exhortations, which under God were exceeding profitable to me. This week my poor unstable mind has been much tossed with vain and wandring thoughts. O when shall my heart and treasure be laid up in heaven! Then, and not till then, will my mind also be fixed, stedfastly fixed in that thrice happy place. I have also been dry and dead in every means, which indeed is no wonder, when foolish thoughts are given way to; they necessarily damp the work of God in the soul. Lord, make me more watchful.
Sunday 28. I spent the day comfortably, and found a degree of sweetness in prayer. O for a thankful heart!
Thursday, October 10. This day being the quarterly meeting, we had a number of strange preachers in town; and in the evening one Mr. _S――――t_ preached. He is not a very connected preacher, but one of the most lively and powerful, that I ever heard. I was more stirred up and quickened under this sermon, than I have been for months before. There seemed to be an awful solemnity, resting upon the whole congregation.
Monday 26. In the evening it rained much; but I ventured out, and was well paid for so doing, by Mr. _M――――_’s discourse upon _1 Corinthians vi. 11_. _But ye are justified in the name of the_ Lord Jesus.
Sunday, November 2. I went to the sacrament at _Trinity_ church, but found no particular blessing in that ordinance, or indeed any other; my mind being much exercised, as it had been great part of the last week, in which nothing seemed sweet or profitable to me, but private prayer.
Sunday 9. All this week my mind has been much diverted from God, by a circumstance which befel me, not very pleasing to flesh and blood. Lord, give me wisdom, grace, and prudence to guide me through the trials I am liable to meet with here: and O at last receive my poor soul to the peaceful haven of everlasting rest; where all the storms of this tumultuous life are over, and all is quietness and assurance for ever!
*Monday 17. Mr. _J――――n_ dined with us this day; I think he is one of the most agreeable men I know. On Thursday evening my uncle preached upon _Matthew xx. 32_. _What will ye that I shall do unto you?_ My soul was more blest under this discourse, than under any since Mr. _S――――t_ preached. In the application, he desired each to ask their own soul, what is my most prevailing desire? Riches, honour, or pleasure? But my heart rejected all these, and replied,