Sunday 25. In the evening Mr. _M――――_ made a sweet Discourse on _Acts xvi. 30_. _Sirs, what must I do to be saved?_ Indeed I thought I had power to believe, I found the blessing nigh; but O my faithless heart drew back and lost the precious pearl. Unbelief again prevailed and left me helpless, but blessed be God, not a hopeless sinner. I still have a hope, and I trust it is not the hope of an hypocrite.
Thursday 29. This day I was much beset by wandring thoughts, and to my grief and shame, yielded but too much to them. How long shall vain thoughts, which are often the forerunners of vain words, lodge within me. O for power to resist and overcome!
Saturday 31. I found great power this day over that evil, with which I have been so much beset, blessed be God.
Sunday, _June 1_. This morning my soul was in a measure blest while Mr. _R――――s_ was shewing how we had destroyed ourselves, from _Hosea xiii. 9_. He had not time to shew us where our help lay: but blessed be God, he has shewed this to me. May I seek for it where it only can be found. In the evening I was stirred up to ask the blessing, and I trust with some importunity.
Monday 2. This morning my soul was exceedingly blest while Mrs. _L――――_ was speaking to me, encouraging me to come, and lay hold of the blessing, assuring me, that even now the Lord was willing to impart it. My desires were also very strong in the afternoon; although I was in company, and the conversation not very edifying; (so gracious was the Lord to me.)
Tuesday 3. I found my soul exceedingly blest this day, especially in the evening: such hope and confidence I had that the Lord would reveal himself that I had no doubt of it, and such a sweet calm was upon my spirit till I went to bed as I never experienced before. I was also greatly encouraged by accidentally opening the bible upon these words, _Then shall we know if we follow on to know the_ Lord. Amen! Let it be according to thy word, Lord Jesus.
Wednesday 4. I experienced a measure of the same confidence as the night before. Lord continue it, and also increase it, so that I may never doubt more.
Thursday 5. I was not altogether in such a sweet frame as the two preceding days; nevertheless my mind was stayed on God, and my desires earnest for the blessing, while my uncle was discoursing upon these words, _Except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish_. _Luke xiii. 5._
Friday 6. My mind was distracted with wandering thoughts, but the gracious Lord soon gathered them in again, and I experienced a sweet calm upon my spirit, and liberty in prayer.
Sunday 8. I went to church expecting the Sacrament, but there being none, we had a sermon on _Galatians vi. 9_. It was a very pretty discourse, shewing what well-doing was; but nothing of a change of heart was mentioned. O, thought I, how many may go thus far, and perish at last. Lord, let me not be one of this number.
Monday 9. This afternoon we set out for _Eaton_ to see Lord _Grosvenor_’s gardens; they are the most elegant and pleasant I ever saw. I do not find the sight of such things to draw my mind from God: but am rather led to meditate on the vanity of all worldly enjoyments, and to desire to have substantial pleasures, even those which are at God’s right-hand. The rest of the week, my mind was in much confusion, by reason of removing; but still I have found power to be constant in private duty, and to resist all temptations to the contrary. By thus doing I was enabled to keep a greater watch over my words, and thoughts, and to avoid my ♦besetting evil, levity. O Lord, make me truly thankful.
♦ “beseting” replaced with “besetting”
Monday 16. I was much cast down, by receiving a letter from my dear mamma, containing a melancholy account of the situation of my dear papa’s health: but in the midst of my anxiety, I found a great confidence in God: so that most of my uneasiness was upon his account. Lord, strengthen, comfort, and bless him for Jesus’s sake. The two following days my mind was much hurried by the confusion the house has been in; nevertheless I have been constant in private duty, and have generally found it good to draw nigh to God. O what a God have we to deal with, and yet I cannot find a heart to love him. Lord, soften this obdurate heart, and give me an heart to love thee; for this thou knowest is all my desire.
Tuesday 24. All this week I have been in a very disagreeable frame, being neither in earnest for my soul, nor quite forgetful of it. I have been constant in private duties, tho’ I am often fearful that I am only drawing nigh to God with my lips; but on Saturday, my soul was much blest under Mr. _R――――_’s preaching: his text was in _Romans viii. 17, 18_. _And if children then heirs_, &c. My desires were exceedingly earnest to be made a partaker of those glorious privileges of the sons of God. O Lord, when shall I be one of thy children?